"Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, Who is in you, Whom you have received from God? ... So use every part of your body to give glory back to God..." 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

Sunday, October 28, 2012

Balancing act. Pulling myself out of the Pit

Last night was a mess. I was a mess. My fears, my hurts, my confusion and  my demons got the best of me. I lay alone battling my thoughts. My mind tormented me and my wheels were spinning. I couldn't shut my mind off. I cried out in confusion and sadness. I thought I would never fall asleep.

I felt hands around my body. I lay limp and weak like a rag doll. My body was drained, there was nothing left in me. My mind had fought battle after battle till it finally shut down in exhausting.
Andy was carrying me now up another flight of stairs. I felt so bad for Andy. He doesn't know how to "Fix" me. As he carried me I just sunk deeper into his arms.

Luke 2:52 - And Jesus increased in wisdom and stature, and in favour with God and man.
 Our bodies are made up of 4 components..Like legs on a chair.
Jesus grew in these 4 ways. This is how I have found I am at my healthiest is when I am balancing on these 4 legs. 
HE  GREW SPIRITUALLY - favor with God
HE GREW SOCIALLY - favor with man

Physically I have been way off my game. Running almost 50 miles a week your mind and body begin to rely on that. There is a certain amount of serotonin that your body releases and your mind relies on to function healthy. 
I knew I needed to run today. 

The wind was blowing leaves through the air leaving them dancing all around me.  It was beautiful. Dressed warm the cool October air left my cheeks chilled. I tucked my hands deep in my sleeves and let me legs lead me. My feet felt light as a feather and I instantly felt my body thanking me. My mind was slowly releasing the garbage it had been collecting the past few days. 

The weights were coming off. I heard myself talking to "Ariel". 
"Ariel I will fight. I will not let these demons own me." 
My thoughts were strong and concise. I am stronger than this. I am no good to anyone and I am my own biggest enemy when I let Satan hijack me. 
I thought of the things I would tell Ariel. 
"Ariel, You have to believe in yourself, You have to believe that God has plans for you and God knows what you are capable of." 
My legs started out steady and smooth. 
I thought of all the questions Ariel would ask me about working out and eating healthy. 
I gave her that above equation in the midst of a depression spell she was in back in the spring. 
And here I was thinking "Practice what you preach Aunt Nita."
And my legs began turning over faster. My cheeks started to warm up and my hands were peaking out of the sleeves of my shirt. 
"I am strong, I am powerful, I am not a quitter, I am a FIGHTER. I AM A FIGHTER!"
I am going to fight. I need you God. I need your strength, I need your promises, I need your deliverance from these hurts and discouragements and disappointments. I can do this..But only with you GOD. 

So here I am, crawling out of the pit. I have so many words that I have given Ariel that I have coming back at me. So many times I gave her Gods promises and his truths hoping she would seek him and trust him. Now here I am needing to do the same.

Pull your self out of the pit. Run your body and your mind through this grid:

Are you balanced? Where do you feel off balance? 

My eyes are still full of tears. Tears are good.  They flush out the heart and keep it from hardening. Today I put things in their proper compartments.  I got in the ring and fought. We are going to have to do this. Satan wants to steal our Joy, our Sanity, our Comfort, our Passions, our Confidence and so many other things he knows make us the best "us" we were meant to be. 
He gets us when we are wounded. He sees my heartache and is going to try to use it against me. But I am going to fight.

Distance: 7 miles
Pace: 8:25 



  1. Nita, my heart breaks for you and the family. I continue to pray that you will Fight Satan and the many demons he has sent to try and deflate you with; but more than anything I wanted to thank you. I haven't remembered what I learned after my post partum until now and I have let Satan invade my heart and have become cold and hardened in my life in more than one way. You have reminded me that "he gets us when we are wounded" and I was wounded and let him take away the joy and passion I once had. I wanted to let you know that you have reminded me to Fight, with conviction for what I know is right, for what I want, but most importantly for God. I was selfishly praying for God to heal my wounds but I wasn't fighting for His love; not until now. I know that you are in pain but know that you have helped me start to heal again, to FIGHT again, to look into my childrens eyes and know that there is tomorrow and God's plan may not be revealed to me but I must trust that He has a plan for me and as Psalm 139:14 has taught me," I am fearfully and wonderfully made". Thank you Nita, for being you, for loving all of us and for reminding me that I have to want to fight for what is right.

    1. Dear Anonymous,
      I think of a Lion. A hungry lion. A lion that is roaring wanting to kill rob and destroy. And he is looking for who ever he can feast on. When he is on the prowl a Lion always looks for the weakest link, the wounded, the defenseless or the one that bears a handicap to make his move. I have felt more from Satan in the last two weeks then I have in months. But I have been so wounded and caught off guard that I have not sought God for proper fuel. "Draw near to me and I will draw near to you."
      It is so evident after looking back the last couple weeks that not being in the covering of Gods word leaves you open to Satan. Gods words and promises covers us and protects us from Satan's schemes.
      We have to Fight. I praise God you are back in the ring. You are a Warrior. God has given you the Armor to fight.
      I say Praise God!
      Thank you for taking the time to share your hearts and thoughts with me. Your words are very healing to me.