"Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, Who is in you, Whom you have received from God? ... So use every part of your body to give glory back to God..." 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

Thursday, July 24, 2014

Perspective;




There is something so inviting about clear skies and warm air.
I really switched my routine up this morning. I didn't have time to bike; however, I did have time to take Sheba for a 2 mile walk.
I had a lot of noise in my head that I need to muffle. There is something to be said about going for a walk to clear your head.

I would like to say that my walk did the trick. The voices slowly began to surface.

I found myself on a 12 mile bike ride a few hours later.

I had a couple euphonies.

Perspective:
A lot of my sadness is circulated around not being able to run.
Not being able to run makes me more hypersensitive to issues I would normally let roll off me. These issues now feel like nails on a chalk board.
So I needed to dissect my running  as a whole.
I took my focus off not being able to run and redirected it towards what I have to be grateful for.
After all, it is ONLY running that I can not do.

"What is bothering you about not being able to RUN?" I asked myself. This is what I came up with:
  • I have already registered for the Detroit Marathon. What if I can not run it?
  • The Crim is right around the corner. This is my FAVORITE RACE ever. My baby. This is a family event we all go to. The thought breaks my heart. Austin is running it. Andy is running it. I am not??
I came up with those 2  reasons that I am mostly crushed upon.
I then came up with one of my most popular sayings "The Only Thing that is The End Of The World: IS The End Of The World."

I could slowly begin to breath. "Ok Anita, You are going to be Ok."

I can BIKE.
I can Work Out.
I have my Health.
I have my Family.
And I have Father God, who Loves me more than anything. Who carries me, Who listens to me, Who believes in me.
I am Going to Be OK.

I found that I was not just grieving Running, I was grieving my favorite races and the tradition of running them.

It is gonna be Ok. I will do the best I can do. I will remain positive and optimistic and just wait on God to heal me and direct me.

BUT..Know this. I will bike my little heart out. I will stretch my body like Gumby. I will roll, I will ICE and I will do my exercises with all my heart, mind and soul.
I will not back down.
I will not give anything less that everything I have.
I will not go down without a FIGHT.

And the Worst Case Scenario: I don't run my races.
My Best Case Scenario: I am a stronger person for not giving up.

I Challenge YOU to do the Same.
Don't GIVE Up. Fight with everything you have.
Fight in FEAR, Fight in FAITH.
But Don't Give up.
If you are not out of breath from trying, Try Harder.

A little Piece of ME:
I had a little conversation with my sister today about memories. Sad to say we do not have many great memories. Even sadder my sister hardly remembers much of anything. Probably because she locked herself in the closet for most of her teenage life! Seriously.
So as a child I begged God to get me to the next day. I wish I could grab a hold of some more memories.
Then today, my son Alec hides himself under the covers because he struggled with memories as well. Andy discovered some pictures on the PS3. Alec broke down as he headed to the bedroom to hide his emotions. 
I made a choice a long time ago. I was going to be the best mother I could possibly be. Now, I have failed many times. But my children will without a doubt be able to tell you that their mother loves them and would go to hell and back for them.

Alec struggles different than we struggled as kids, my sister and I.
We wanted to grow up. We wanted to get through. The memories we have haunt us and hurt us. We have a difficult time finding memories because we spent so much time not wanting to remember.

Alec doesn't want to grow up. He can not look at pictures and it hurts him to reminisce. He wants to live with us forever. He is very sensitive to growing up independently. Memories make him sad because they mean so much to him.

I thought it was interesting how God showed me both these illustrations of my sister hiding away and Alec also hiding away. God can use all of it. He is doing a work in you no matter where you hide. And no matter where you hide, He always knows where you are.

Anita

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Strung with Love

Some days are just not THE Day.
Today was NOT the Day that I ran.
Today was NOT the Day that I biked.
Today was NOT the Day that I made it to the GYM.
It was just NOT the Day.

Today, was the day TO go on a field trip to the Zoo in Birch Run and Frankenmuth.
Today, was the day to spend the afternoon with my family.
Today, was the day to pack a picnic and embrace the time I am given with those I love and love me.



We packed 14 of us into my sister-in-laws 15 passenger van and headed to The Wilderness ZOO.

We used to do family outings like this all the time. Then the family got too big and too separated. I miss the old days. "There is a season for everything under the sun."

I took a minute to look around at our family all organized in the van. We are each so different. So individual. I look at myself. I am high strung and easily excited. I have these quirks about myself that annoy me; therefore, I know they annoy others. I am loud and some might even say obnoxious.
We are each one different.
Different doesn't mean wrong.
But together we are strung with love. We accept one another, we love one another. We try to build each other up. It is not always easy. But we lay aside minor annoyances for the bigger picture.
FAMILY.
A little game of chicken

Our days are numbered. We choose how we will spend our days. We can choose to live with resentments, anger and strife. Or we can get over ourselves and come together and love one another because IT is the right thing to do.

There will always be a reason we can get our panties in a wad. ALWAYS.
"Oh you don't know what She said about me..."
"Oh, You don't know what they did too me.."
"Well, I just can't get over...."

WHO are YOU HURTING??

YOURSELF.

 Today, was made up of moments that I will always have. It wasn't a day of emptiness. A day LOST in the emotions of negativity.
I have enough wasted time there.
A day lost with regrets.
I have enough regrets as well.

Philippians 3:13  “Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.”

Our days are numbered. Choose to live them in Love. Choose to engage in peoples lives that Love you.
You can't buy time.
You cant stretch time.
Before you know it, the hours turn to days and the days turn to years and it is gone..all gone..
Live Life In Love.
Live Life with no Regrets.
Live Life for Others;  Building One Another Up.

Well...Time is running OUT..I need to go stretch, roll and do my exercises. .

Anita

Monday, July 21, 2014

Past Denial

It was about 4pm and I was driving back to White Lake to pick Austin up from his job. I had been on the go all day.
Austin got his first paycheck and wanted to spend some of it. After he got in the car we headed to the bank. I wanted Austin to learn a little money management.
  • Give God some
  • Save some
  • Spend some
With money in his new account and money in his pocket, we headed to Tillys to spend a little!

The best route to get to that side of town is to go through Pontiac.
As we drove down Walton Blvd so many memories crossed my mind.
"Austin, do you remember going this way to see grandma?" I asked
"Yes, mom." He replied out of love. I think Austin was just being sensitive to seeing me reminiscing.

I counted all the miles I had drove to get Austin where he needed to be and the ones yet to do.
  • 7:30am I picked him up at the high school from lifting.
  • Drove him to White Lake to work
  • Picked him back up at 3:30
  • Drove him to Bank
  • Drove him to Mall
  • Drove him home then to CC
  • Pick him up from CC.
Going down memory lane I had another thought. "Austin, You know how lucky you are?" I continued. "When I was a kid I couldn't do any sports. The little bit that I did, I couldn't count on my mom to pick me up."
I explained to him how my mom wasn't dependable. I would wait for sometimes 2 hours for my mom to pick me up. If she showed up she was 2 sheets to the wind. Most of the time my grandma showed up.
Driving through Pontiac brought back many memories of being a child. I looked around as I drove towards Baldwin Rd.
How did I escape this? The brokenness, the drugs, the alcohol, the confusion?
By the Grace of GOD.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I saw Clint for PT at 1pm. "Anita, How are you doing?"
"UGH..We have to get this show on the road, This stinks, I am so upset."
Clint very seriously responded "Hmm, Well, you know the stages of Grief?'
"Yes, Elisabeth Kubler Ross, I know them, I am in between Anger and Depression." I whined.
"Well, at least you are past Denial!"

I am PAST Denial! He even had me on the Altra G treadmill. He had me run on the anti gravity machine. I only ran a mile and could feel it creeping up. Without much thought I turned it off and unzipped myself out.

“Learn to get in touch with the silence within yourself and know that everything in this life has a purpose.”
― Elisabeth K├╝bler-Ross

Anita

Sunday, July 20, 2014

Chasing Andy Around

I have had many lonely long runs that ran over 3 hours. In the summer months one of the biggest concerns is running out of  water.
On these long runs I would give Andy my route and he would bring me water. Training for my ultra last year I had runs that reached over 7 hours. He would chase me around to check on me, make sure I had nutrition, water and I was not road kill.

I did the chasing today. As Andy was getting ready to go for his long run;16 miles, he asked if I was going with him. I knew he was testing me. "NOO Andy, I am not running." I said confidently. My words were strong but my heart was weak.

I can not express how good a hot menthol bath feels after a 21 mile bike ride in the heat of the day.
I chased Andy all over the town of Holly. You can spit from one end of Holly to the other. I was literally ALL over tracking Andy on his long run making sure he had proper water.

My skin is torched from the beating sun. The dried sweat felt like sand paper as it crumbled all over my face, shoulders and arms. I smelled like funk, my Versace perfume had long been tainted with body odor. I love the woodsy smells of the outdoors, but not on me.

This was the longest bike ride I have done since I was about 22. I had the day off and road from my Clarkston apartment to my place of employment in Pontiac. I only did that once.

With cold water I tried to hunt Andy down to make sure he was hydrated.
The first stop I found him he looked great. He was about 7 miles into his run at that point and was all smiles.
He looked like a totally different person by the last stop. I found him running through the village. I had to ask a old man if he had seen a guy running because I couldn't figure out what direction Andy had gone. I finally caught up to Andy. When Andy turned around to get the icy water I was reaching to him he looked like death. His skin was all pasty, his eyes were bloodshot and he was out of breath. "Ugh, WHERE have You BEEN?" He cried. I didn't have time to explain that I couldn't find him. I was exhausted myself and I had to get home to pick up my son from his girlfriends house.
I was trying to calculate the miles I had rode my bike. I was DONE. My entire body was just tired. I was hot, sticky, hungry, whiny, tired..I could go on and on.

I felt pretty good today not running. I was proud of myself for keeping my running shoes on the shelf.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I BOUGHT a new toy last week. I am a BIG smoothie maker. I make about 10-14 smoothies a week. My smoothie maker DIED 2 weeks ago.
I upgraded my Magic Bullet to the Nutri Bullet. It has twice the power and is larger for just a little more money. I paid 89$ at Bed Bath and Beyond and was able to use my 20% coupon on it!

I make Austin a CHUBBY BUNNY Smoothie almost every night. He lifts weights 3 days a week at 6am, runs Cross country 5 days a week, started working construction with my nephew and brother-in-law 3 days a week and plays basketball. I will often hear him when everyone is winding down up in his bedroom working out and finishing his day off.
The purpose of the Chubby Bunny is to give him calories, vitamins, protein and recovery.

CHUBBY BUNNY
  • Banana
  • Vanilla Ice Cream
  • Milk
  • Chocolate Ovaltine
  • Juice Plus Complete Vanilla (Whole Food based shake mix)
  • 2 Tabls Peanut Butter
Tart Berry Smoothie
  • Tart Cherry Juice (Reduced inflammation)
  • Raspberries
  • Strawberries
  • Blueberry yogurt
  • Kale
  • Juice Plus Complete
  • Ice

Very Proud of Andy. He ran 16 miles. He still doesn't know what he is running for! I am proud of him for just being committed and dedicated.

Side NOTE: Anyone Else out there watching the new series The Strain on FX??
I watched it last week, I LOVE scary movies. I think I am hooked.


Anita

Thursday, July 17, 2014

Throwing in the Towel

I go back and forth with this injury issue. I know you can run through IT band injury. I am considering putting running on the back burner for a couple weeks again. I did this a few weeks ago for about 10 days.

The more I read the more I am resigned to just hanging up the running shoes for a couple weeks. I did this about a month ago but not for as long.

Facing the Facts:
  • It is NOT getting any better
  • I am just as discouraged as I was 6 weeks ago
The Remedy:
  • Continue to see Clint
  • Stop RUNNING
  • ROLL, stretch and ICE everyday right alongside brushing my teeth!
  • Strength Exercise, work on glutes and hip
  • Bike/ Cross Train
I found these Exercises for strengthening my glutes and hips.

BIKING:
Biking has no impact forces that will aggravate my injury. Biking will help maintain fitness, circulate healing blood flow, and help me recover as quickly as possible.
It will also prevent me from loosing to much fitness.
The idea is to just make sure I am focusing on spending the same time biking as I would running. Typically, you double your distance if you are going by miles. So if you run 5 miles, you should try and bike 10 miles. The time should calculate very similar as well. Biking should consist of a quality work out, try not to be too leisurely. You want to maintain a high cadence. Pedal turnover not pushing gears that can cause muscular soreness.
Biking helps to strengthen your quads.
Biking is also a great alternative to running for us injured runners because it isn't a weight bearing exercise.

I will be BIKING in addition to the above Remedy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
12 miles biking today. It was a total SNOT FEST.
I know I have had some allergy issues as of late, However, I had NO idea that much nose juice was up there.
The harder I pedaled the more my nose ran. I was glad that something was running because it sure wasn't me!
I was launching snot rockets every few minutes. The faster I pedaled the more I felt the need to wipe my nose. My aim was terrible. I am not very coordinated to just ride the bike down the dirt roads. I was huffing it this morning with the wet gravel giving me more friction with my tires. Now I was trying to maneuver a snot rocket with 1 hand and maintain my speed. I had snot across my cheek, on my shoulder and large splatters of the warm gooey mess on my quads.
You might be wondering why I didn't just stop.
Pretty sure I had a face similar to this as I was HUFFING it on my Bike!

I am a daydreamer. Remember the movie SPEED? How Sandra Bullock couldn't go below a certain speed limit or the hijacker would kill people. I pretended that if I stopped pedaling I would be shot. I know it sounds cheesy but It worked.
I spoke out loud to my self as I headed up a wet soggy hill. "Come on NITA, Let's go, Get up, Get UP!"
Still pedaling I could feel my quads burning. I got excited knowing I was still going. "Good, Keep going, Go, Go ." I chanted to myself throughout the dirt roads, where no one could hear me except my tired body.
I could feel some frustrations surfacing. I was mad at my body for failing me. I was angry that my body wouldn't let me run. The more angry I got the more I pursued going harder, faster and stronger. As the Anger burning I wanted to direct all my frustrations right there, on the wet gravel, hidden in the canopy of trees.
Finishing up my ride I found myself back in town. This is where I DIED. A car pulled out in front of me causing me to hit my brakes. GAME OVER. It was fun while it lasted.


In closing, I had not made the official choice to quit running until my fingers hit the key board. The more I typed the more I felt comfortable making the decision. I stared at the words with thoughts of hitting the DELETE button. Maybe even the Backspace button.
Instead I will hit the ENTER Button. And Enter into a 2 week hiatus and see what happens.

Prayers Appreciated and seriously welcomed.
Anita

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Setting Boundaries

4 Miles. I ran 4 miles with Erin. She text me last night to see if I wanted to run with her this morning. I love running with people. I miss running with partners. For that matter, I miss a lot these days.
  1. I miss running with Danielle
  2. I miss running mileage
  3. I miss running with passion
  4. I miss running speedy
  5. I miss being sore from running
  6. I miss running pain free
  7. I miss hills and repeats and tempo runs and all that goes along with the hard training.
Oh Jeesh, I miss so much. I am thankful that I can run at all. I am just trying to maintain some kind of miles to be able to run the Detroit Marathon in the fall.
I worry about if I will be able to run the marathon.
I worry about if I will be able to train pain free.
I worry about if I will be able to run the CRIM, which I have not even signed up for yet.
I hate that I even worry about all this. But I do.

I tell people all the time to not worry, and I am not good at doing it myself.

Even outside of running, There is so much stress going on with the home front.

Running has always been my best outlet. It is my quiet time with myself and God. But I struggle with that time because the pain interrupts my thoughts.

Running has allowed me to organize facts from emotions. It has allowed me to discern others peoples emotions that they try to direct at me.
It is always a challenge to do the right thing when it feels wrong. And sometimes it feels wrong to do the right thing.
But it is THE RIGHT THING.

The Thoughts RUNNING In My HEAD:
I can not engage in negativity, purposely.  We all have issues. Some of us choose to work on them and some of us choose to blame others for how we feel or the place we are in.
BUILD A BRIDGE AND GET OVER IT.
God knows I have a plenty of people I could blame a million bad choices I have made on.
But in the end..They were MY choices.
I CHOOSE what I will do with the cards I am dealt with. I choose who I let love me or hurt me.
I choose to be happy or sad in my circumstances.
I choose who I want in my circle.

And MY CIRCLE has to consist of people who LOVE ME. People who are going to make me a better person. I am not a VICTIM. I don't play that card. If someone doesn't like me or is nasty to me I am NOT going to invite them in my CIRCLE to continue to bleed negativity and hurt into my life.
I MAKE the CHOICE though.
I have to find the courage to stay clear of those who are discouraging, hurtful, discontent and HAPPY to bring me down to their level.
Proverbs 15:1
"A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger."   
Have the Courage to set boundaries. Make them in LOVE, not with bitterness or resentment. Love your enemies and pray for them. It is not always easy to love those who are not nice to you, you can love them from a healthy distance often times better.
Boundaries are not set up to keep you OUT, they are set up to keep ME in the best place I can be.
They are made not to punish, hurt or discipline others, they are set up to strengthen, build, and recover who I am supposed to be.
Boundaries are not designed in fear, hate or anger, but in love, courage and healing.

Anita

Monday, July 14, 2014

Plunger Therapy!

My Day and Thoughts in 3 Parts:



BIKING: I was in the hurt locker when I started out on my bike this morning. I wanted to go check out Rose Oaks trails.
It was almost 4 miles to get there.
The boys borrow my bike and are always messing with the gears. For the most part of the way to the park I was trying to tweak my gears. I couldn't figure out what was wrong with them, I was having a hard time pedaling. I came to the conclusion the gears were fine, it was ME that was having a hard time! My legs were Jello from yesterdays 11 mile run. Wimpy wimpy wimpy. I was a bit discouraged.

Approaching the trails I was getting more and more excited. It was stunning. My eyes were bouncing off one magnificent scene right into another. The smells of the woods, the heat of the morning and the landscape created by God was almost to much to handle. I pedaled faster wanting to see more.

It was not long that in all that beauty I discovered a BEAST. Better yet, the beast discovered ME.
I was getting eaten alive by TRACKER JACKERS!

Maybe they were just flesh eating black flies. They were in serious swarms all around me.
I brought water and used the trail maps to navigate my way through the woods. Just when I was thinking I was Columbus with the maps I found myself lost. Well, I guess that is correct too though.
I hated getting off my bike to figure out on the map where I was, or wasn't due to the horrible attack of the feasting flies.
The trails are located in between 3 lakes. This explains the bug infestation.
I began to get concerned for time, so I pedaled faster. I pedaled even faster when I noticed the bugs weren't keeping up as much. Burning quads or bitten by flying beasts...Quads hands down.

Biking: 12.5 miles.
Half a dozen bites and a great farmers tan!

The Toilet Plunger:

I had a 1pm visit with Clint. I brought The Plunger! He actually used it on his guy patient first. His assistant brought it over to me. She lubed it all up and squished it on my leg. The suction seemed better than the guys. I guess they are going to have to shave their clients legs to get optimal results!
Clint would move the plunger down my It band holding the suction. It reminded me of how my legs felt like Jello all over again!
You could actually feel the suctioning. I was laughing most of the time at the thought of having a toilet plunger sucking my legs. I was really laughing at the thought of them removing the suction to discover a 6 inch hicky on my leg.

My Thoughts;
Wikipedia:  Jealousy is an emotion, and the word typically refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something of great personal value, particularly in reference to a human connection. Jealousy often consists of a combination of emotions such as anger, resentment, inadequacy, helplessness and disgust.

Most of us struggle with this emotion in one place of another. But there is a KEY word I like in the definition: Emotion.

For me, I have struggled with it in different arenas. There are days, weeks even when life is smooth sailing. Then it just takes one comment, one situation, one photo that messes me up and I am left feeling, discouraged, damaged and doubtful. It all starts with being DISTRACTED.
We become distracted when:
  1. Others behaviors and NOT our OWN.
  2. We focus on choices made by SOMEONE else.
  3. We focus on the PROBLEM not the SOLUTION.
Keep Your Eyes focused on GOD and His will rather than circumstances you can or cannot control.
Jealousy and envy lead you into a pit of discouragement and doubt. You then become hostage to yourself and hurtful to others.
Run Your Own Race.

"Discouragement is dissatisfaction with the past, distaste for the present and distrust for the future. It is ingratitude for the blessings of yesterday and indifference for the opportunities of today. it is insecurity regarding strength for tomorrow. " William A. Ward

Anita