"Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, Who is in you, Whom you have received from God? ... So use every part of your body to give glory back to God..." 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

Wednesday, December 7, 2016

When you can't trust yourself.

Proverbs 4:23 "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it."

Those days you can't get motivated.

No one was up at 6:20am. This only allowed me to curl my body back up under the sheets. I cuddled deeper under the covers knowing I just had minutes before LIFE had to awaken.

This accounted for day 2 of no energy for me, Stupid Thyroid. I felt like a cast member from the Walking Dead. I didn't even have the energy to be mad at my body for forsaking me.

I had full intentions of going tot he gym at 7am. That was a fleeting thought, it went to Hell in a hand basket. My packed gym bag sat there and I sat on the couch sipping coffee.

I barely had the motivation to redirect my day. There was only 1 certainty in my day; I was not running outside. Way to cold and windy.

Running on fumes I made it to GAC (Genesys Athletic Club).  Also known as The Mothership. I was still talking myself into running. The whirlpool sounded way better. That and the sauna was more my speed today.

ONLY there was 1 Major Problem: ME.

The voices were raging inside me. My mind was a battlefield.
This is such a hard time of year. I should be in a little white room with padded walls. I work really hard on my smile. I am on my knees a lot asking God to help me sift threw this dysfunctional barrage of emotions.
Terrible memories, missed memories, and memories I long for. Disappointments, hurtful words, fake smiles, and many concerns I will crack.
Its one thing to not trust others.
Its a whole nother  thing when you cant trust yourself.

I saw my treadmill. 20 TM's and this guy has to be running next to mine.
Well I guess I was the one running next to him.
Everything felt in sync. I took off like a stallion but very quickly was reminded of my misjudgment. My overzealous pace already had my forehead beading sweat and my skin all tingly. I was trying to act cool as I punched the buttons on the treadmill, slowing it down. My heart rate slowly came back down as did my pace.
This guy and I were running the same beat. I caught him a couple times looking over at me. I smiled at him, blushed and looked back at the TV's. Awkward.

He stayed next to me during my whole 7 miler. It was nice to have a secret running partner.
Rundown:
Distance: 7miles
Time: 59
Pace: 8:20

You know what else was nice? Running some of that crazy out of me.

I did some abs, stretched, rolled, showered and enjoyed the sauna for the cherry on top! The heat was soo nice. For a brief second, I forgot it was only 32' degrees.


I am working on my Christmas List.... Running Items...Stocking stuffers....

Anita




"If you weren't so crazy I would think you were insane." The Joker, Suicide Squad

Monday, December 5, 2016

Reunited and it feels so good!

After weeks of races, recovery and rest, the gang reunited!!

I was the first to arrive at Holly Rec.
Five minutes past 9am, Ken's Silverado pulled in. I reached into my gym bag, resting on the passengers seat to start the final process. Looking for my gloves and hat, Matt slipped by me. He tucked his Subaru in-between Ken and I honking his horn like a crazy man. Laughing at his entrance, I chuckled even harder as Matt looked like he was in a full blown grand mal seizure shaking with excitement.
It felt like that final stretch when you can see the roller coasters at Cedar point. You start smiling, your heart skips a beat, and you remember how much fun it used to be. We were all super stoked.
Like a bunch of 5 year old girls, we all collided in one big group hug. These 2 knuckleheads brought me through a lot of training. Taught me things that I should have been given a bill for. I didn't realize how much I missed them.

One thing I really missed, 90' degrees.
It was 38'degrees and I looked like I was running in the Artic compared to Matt and Ken. They were both in shorts. I really felt like a wuss with my 3 layers on; hat, Buff, gloves, Pepto-Bismol colored tights and smart wool socks.

We had a welcome committee in the park, a soft layer of fresh winter snow. Our first snow fall.
Although it might seem romantic and lovely, it was quite the opposite.

Matt lead, with Ken in the center and me in my favorite place, the tail end. The snow had started melting on the trails, leaving them a sloshy wreck.
Our feet were sliding with the slightest cantor in the trail. The leaves were thick and wet beneath us adding more mayhem. Ken was slipping all over in front of me. I got tickled and like any good friend kept laughing at him. He responded more goofy then eloquent making me have to grab myself I was laughing so hard. It was at that moment I knew I was pretty comfortable around the boys.

Running with the boys breaks' EVERY rule I have ever made. I never ran with guys. You just can't trust anyone. And I don't trust anyone. Anyone. A character defect, one of many.
1Thess. 5:22 "Abstain from all appearance of evil."
Gods word even warns you against how THINGS LOOK from the outside looking in. And trust me, I have had some eye brows raised from my female tribe.
But these guys brag about their rock star wives. We all chat about how great our spouses are. This is different from running with the girls. Girls sometimes get together and share spousal irritations. We all do it, me included. Honestly speaking.
I have met both Matt and Kens wives and they are both runners. All of us run and so do our spouses, these are very rare dynamics. Another added bonus.

Back to our run.
RUN...Ba ha. I would hardly call it a run. Ken is finally on the mends but still a tad bit weak. Matt was very kind stopping more than his bare legs wanted but laughing and cutting up with us. They shared their running adventures like old times. Much more comfortable with them I found myself chiming in and possibly even interrupting them. That's comfortable.

The trails were vacant of any wildlife. I think our laughter scared anything breathing miles away from us.
The temperatures had warmed up by our second loop. My shoes were soaked in mud. I could actually feel grit in by toes.

We finished the last loop a little after 11. It was our slowest trail run to date. But it might have been one of the most fun group runs yet.

RUNDOWN:
Distance: 10.2
Pace: 12:08

Novembers RUNDOWN

Today was a good day, I had very few thoughts about what it to come. I was very busy today. I had little time to ponder. It is quickly approaching. Only time will tell.

Anita

Sunday, December 4, 2016

Winter WhineFest.

The days are closing in.
One more day closer.
It is coming and there is no way to stop Father Time.

The days are getting shakier. The outcome of my days ahead are more undetermined as that day slowly approaches.

The Christmas songs are beginning to hum. Everywhere you go there is a soft echo of Christmas cheer.

But this morning at church the music was intense.
Penetrating.
"Fall on your knees, O hear the angel voices! O night divine"
My body was overcome with emotion. My knees grew weak, I wanted to gently lay down, tearfully I sang.

With emotions resting on every word, I begged for more. But at the same time I quietly asked for the tears to stop.
My heart hurt. I wanted to be hidden. I wanted to be invisible.

Time moves and emotions softly dissolve. By the end of the service, I had my smile widened and I was totally fulfilled.

I can't help laugh at myself. I am always in the moment. Extreme. When I am sad, I live in that moment, its deep, retching, consuming.
When I am happy, I am excited, hyper, outspoken dancing outside of myself.
I accept most of my moments. I have to live in them. FEEL them. Even when it hurts.
There is always a time and a place. Emotions are great, it is controlling them that is the key and not letting them control you. That is the CHALLENGE.

I had a really "HOT" moment about a week ago. I was raging angry. I had to call a girlfriend about a running date. She could tell I was upset,  I said "OK, I have RANT, UGH, give me 2 minutes, let me just go off and I will put it to rest."
After probably even less than 2 minutes, I was done, and we moved on to better news.
NOT letting that negativity control you is the most freeing feeling.

Today, full of a barrage of emotions, I was really looking forward to running. Most of my emotions stemmed from being sore from a leg workout Thursday and the reality that Winter had arrived.

I didn't have a lot of time to run. I could have ran farther but I didn't want to run alone in the cold. Thankfully,  I had Lacey for a little over an hour.
Both of us were still in the hurt locker from leg workouts. Both of us felt slow. I loved knowing that I was not a lone island.

It was just so cold. My bones hurt. My skinny fingers looked aged in the bitter elements.
I got 10.5 miles in. And it only took 2 hours to quit chattering my teeth.
Let the Winter WhineFest begin!

Anita~





Wednesday, November 30, 2016

Its the little Things

I stopped, turned around. I walked closer to the edge of the dirt road. My heart was pounding, sweat was trickling down my back and my hands started to shake.
I felt the quiver of emotions gently rising. The sun hugged my back, warming me with comfort and peace.
Jeremiah 15:18
Why has my pain been perpetual And my wound incurable, refusing to be healed? Will You indeed be to me like a deceptive stream With water that is unreliable?

Tears softly rolled down my cheeks as I gazed across the rustic pasture. A small stream, almost hidden made its way towards where I stood. The trickling of the brisk November water made a heavenly hum as it danced through the high grasses and rocks. It seemed as if it appeared from no more. A mystery.


"For You formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother's womb. I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, And my soul knows it very well.  My frame was not hidden from You, When I was made in secret, And skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth;…"PSALMS 139:13-15

Emotions were so tangled within me, I felt each one slowly unravel. I was no longer standing, I kneeled down in humility, giving God thanks, asking for forgiveness in my brokenness.

I stared out at the calmness that was encompassing me. Questioning what had happened to me, what was this turmoil that had twisted me, I felt more tears warm my cheeks.

Running always helps to unwind me. I looked through my morning and wondered if it was one particular thing or if it was everything added together.

My sleep was restless and broken. The dogs whimpered at 5am to go out. Begrudgingly, I stepped out of the warm bed to let them out.
Was this the culprit of my emotional breakdown?

Coffee is always a soothing morning routine. However, my Keurig was spewing coffee grounds at me like the exorcist.
Was it my lack of coffee and my new broken appliance that bound me up?

I wanted so bad to have it all together. I thought back, or was it the hubby?
Was it Andy throwing things around this morning because he too was having a bad morning?
But even Andy recovered with a heartfelt apology, calling himself a "Douche". I smirked at his apology text, it really was endearing.

I thought back a couple miles before I rested at this place.
I saw a tree.
Its silhouette was perfectly cut against the vast blue sky. It towered full of strength and age.  Its branches were mangled and all twisted together. The heavy branches grew awkwardly outside of a thick strong trunk. Nothing made sense as the tree looked tangled within itself.
I couldn't remember seeing this old beaten tree. I had ran this route so many times and couldn't remember seeing this beautiful mess.
This was me. I felt like this tree. Most people would never recognize me if they could see me naked of my protecting covering. They may think I was ugly, broken, even disturbed. All the things I am.
I am all knotted up, I am woven together like madness. Nothing makes sense...
But God covers me, protects me from even myself. The turmoil is real to me. But most of you see someone who looks like they have it together. Some might even think I have it made.

Isn't this all of us. Or most of us, the honest ones.
We try so hard to have it all together. We look so pretty from the outside. But when the leaves fall...


I was reminded today, that I am "Fearfully and Wonderfully made." I knelt along that stream emotionally twisted and tangled.
I quit trying to "Figure myself out."
I thought of the "Little Things".
The crisp air cooling off my hot cheeks. The smell of grasses surviving the chilly November weather.
The trickle of the stream as it made it way below the backroad where I stood.
And these were just "The Little Things."
I LOVE old barns. This was still a working farm. History is Beautiful. Isn't she lovely?

You ask "Why do You Run?"
"The Little Things"
It grounds me to a place of Gratitude.
It reminds me of A God that perfectly placed each branch, who weaved every offshoot creating a individual masterpiece.
In his perfection, everything is created. His design gets the Glory. It is a few miles of running outside of myself to see a bigger picture.
I am reminded no matter how my day unfolds, HE is always in control. Give Thanks even in the hard times.

Smile. Find Gratitude. Give Thanks. Stay Humble.

"Oh give thanks unto the Lord; for He is good; for His mercy endureth forever." Psalms 136:1

Anita



Sunday, November 27, 2016

One Thanksfull kinda weekend

Gray Skies, sneaking blue
Breathing heavy over the hill.
Startled turkeys fly.

Turkey, ham, mashed potatoes, stuffing, I stuffed my body full.
Thanksgiving Day was great till it wasn't any more. That would be the point my body hated me, my belly looked like I was in my 2nd trimester and I was tuckered out like a 2 year old.

I LOVE being around family during the holidays. Yes, it can be stressful. I am a lot to handle so I always pray that I will practice self control and THINK before I speak. I am loud, ridiculous and can be irritating to the average person.
Most people can only handle me in small doses.

I told someone this past week "HEY, as much as I might drive you crazy, I have to live with myself, think about how I FEEL!"

On Wednesday night, Lacey and I  made 6 costume's for a Turkey Trot at Mott Park.

Andy and I met Ken, Melissa, Lacey, Bob, Rachel and Megan Thursday morning. Bob and Andy were NOT dressing up. They were too "Chicken"!
The race was more of a fun run, untimed. Originally, we were going to run it all together, however; within seconds of the gunshot that plan was gobbled up.
Lacey took off with Andy. Megan stayed with her mom and Bob, her husband, I think was with Melissa.
I looked at poor Ken. He was such a trooper. He has been sick for 3 weeks but came out and put that ridiculous costume on for me. I had to run with him.
The golf course was soaking wet. But we just trudged through it laughing. The bridge was slicker than snot but I even made that fun. I threw my hands out and got as many "HIGH FIVES" as I could from the runners coming across on the other side.
Ken rocked that race, with unknown at the time- pneumonia. I actually thought at one point that he was going to leave me. The last 10th of a mile he slowed up. I saw Andy and Lacey smiling on the side cheering us on.  My eyes were more fixed on a group of 4 runners that all had passed us, I picked it up and passed all of them at the finish. So fun. Ken gave me that smile, the "Way to go smile".
This guy ran over to Ken and I a couple minutes later laughing "OH my gosh, I was watching you pass all the guys at the end, that was great!"   

No amount of running was going to balance the amount of calories I would eat just a few hours later. And I had no guilt. There was a day I couldn't even enjoy Thanksgiving dinner because the food was so rich and heavy. But I work too hard to let that burden me anymore.

Thanksgiving is about FAMILY, Food and Fun. Being Thankful for Family. Embracing one another, loving each other for our differences and our similarities. I can be alone all year, but the holidays only come a few times a year.
I made corn soufflĂ©, mashed potatoes and buttermilk pie. The potatoes were a hit and I made them the night before only to place them in a crockpot on Thanksgiving.

My miles have been down this week. I was really looking forward to running with Lacey today.
It was just her and I today.
We took turns pushing each other. I picked the route. I wanted to run in a different direction. Silly Nita, I picked a hill fest for a route.
Lacey and I chatted for about 6 miles, then we began to get quieter and quieter. So quiet that the last 2 miles all you could really hear was the both of us breathing.
The problem was it was HER last 2 miles. I had to hold the pace over 2 MORE miles and 5 more hills, ALONE back to my house.
My stupid ankle was angry at me and my BUTT was raging at me for all those hills. I felt like Cyclops running all discombobulated.
All I could hear was my breath that last 2 miles home. Trying to keep my mind clear of discouragement I saw something out of the corner of my eye. I jumped at the same time IT jumped. It was a huge turkey. He couldn't get his big old fat body off the ground as he tripped over himself. He was not alone, still laughing, two more turkeys were flopping around in the bushes. They were trying to get a takeoff. Mud and dirt was flinging everywhere as they clumsily flapped their wings into the air directly in front of me. That distraction really didn't last long enough.
I made it home, then I got a fleeting idea, RUN TO 12 miles, its just another half a mile.
My house blurred to my left as I ran pass it. Every step my bright idea dimmed more. My right side (The butt side) was numb and my left side (My ankle) was not longer friends with me.
And just like that I STOPPED and walked home at 11.51 miles.

RUNDOWN
Distance: 11.51
Pace:8:48
Time: 1:41


Collision
"Anything worth doing is going to be difficult."
Fauja Singa:100 years old after finishing the 2011 Toronto Marathon in 8:25

Play time is coming to a close. Its getting to be that time I am going to have to get my head in the game. It frightens me.
My body is struggling.
When we set goals we have to really focus on them. It is sacrifice, sweat and pain.
I can do the sacrifice, even the sweat, but ultra running really has kept me from the pain locker. Its more of a slow death. I am going to need to be more intentional with my pace, focused on my miles and training.
We train to get better. In anything we do, we are going to need to not give up. I think this winter I am going to REALLY need to train. I know how to train easy, but I am only getting older and I am going to need to train hard.

Glass City Marathon
April 22.
Let's get Lacey to Boston!

Anita

Monday, November 21, 2016

My Poor lil ankle.

The sun was shining but I didn't let that fool me. The temperatures were still in the 20's.
Even as I am writing at 8pm I am not thawed out. I am nursing a warm cup of tea wondering how I am going to get through another winter without whining everyday.. multiple times.

I met Paula and Matt out at Holly Rec with a little reservation. The hunters really own the woods right now. I tried to get Rachel to come play with us and even she bailed with concerns of hunters.

In a hurry, I forgot a pony tail holder. I put my pink beanie on with my hair tussled beneath it. I could smell the soft aroma of my hair as the breeze blew.  My clothes came right out of the dryer with the fresh scents of fabric softener. And as a added bonus, I snuck Andy's buff and sprinkled essential oils on it. I was comfortable and surrounded with sweet aromas.  

The trail was camouflaged beneath the fallen leaves. The trees were bare, opening up the woods as never seen before. I could see throughout the forest. It was lovely.  Even in the depths of the woods the trees didn't protect you from the wind that whipped through the hardwood.
Unprotected and vulnerable to the chill that left you stunned, wondering how much more was to come.

With less than 2 miles in, running as delicately as I could, the crisp leaves disguised a hidden rock. My ankle, the weak one, twisted like a bad movie, popping in multiple places.
I winced, I tried so hard to toughen it out but had to walk it out, take a deep breath and mentally accessing myself.
Matt and Paula were very kind. We walked until embarrassment was overwhelming and I decided we should get running again. It was actually great timing, we were heading up a incline.

I have always been in the tale end, I asked Paula to jump in front of me.

We hit the first loop and headed back out for our second loop. We all were in agreement that we had warmed up. We would get an occasional gust of wind but we all feeling comfortable.

As God is my witness, we came to the place I twisted my ankle and wouldn't you know it..I hit the SAME stinking ROCK.
I want to know that stats on how that happens TWICE.

This time a word came out of my mouth that was not very Christ Like. It wasn't the throw your cards in "F-Word", but it blurted out.
"D@*# IT!"  I cried in frustration.

I was the weak link. Again we had to stop because of me. I was mortified. Paula wants to run and I was stealing all the fun.
My ankle was angry, we walked up the hill and we prematurely started running. I pulled up my big girl pants and sucked it up.
Matt was leading with Paula directly behind. That second loop was a lot quieter. The rustling of leaves on the trail was racketing enough. The quietness of our voices was actually welcomed. My mind was exploding with plenty of dialogue.
Like..
"How does Matt keep looking back here to talk to us and hasn't tripped once?!"
"Where are all the hunters, or deer?"
"I'm good, I don't want to see any deer, I'm afraid I will see a bullet right behind it."

We finished up 11 miles. Matt and Paula brought hot water and cocoa. I brought marshmallows.
My ankle felt momentarily better.
I pulled on a big hoodie and my oversized sweatpants covering up my hooker tights.
Matt prepared our cocoas.
It was nice to have a few extra minutes to chit chat and warm up with gooey hot cocoa. YUM.  

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a familiar golden retriever behind us. The owner had her on a leash. I squatted down to pet the hyper pooch. The owner, came over to apologize to us for her dog running after us on the trail without her leash.
Having a dog myself, it really didn't bother me. Its a golden retriever, not a pit bull. I didn't get bothered by it and her dog didn't bother me any more that that stupid rock did.
Oh, if I had someone to yell at for that stupid rock I would have!

I was so worried about my tooshy giving me issues I never thought it would have been my ANKLE!

I snuck in a race..
It should be fun! Wednesday I will tell you about it.

Anita






Sunday, November 20, 2016

Breaking in Winter

Three wide, into the Winds
Gray skies, shivering forward
Wintertime Running


After church we always have breakfast. I usually have our plan from Lacey by this time but my phone was vacant from any running plan from her. I waited until after breakfast and when I still didn't hear from her I thought I better touch base. The weather was gloomy, dark and windy. I was secretly hoping that she was bailing on me. I was beginning to see myself in shorts running around the track at GAC all footloose and fancy. The sauna was looking real good too.  Before I continued daydreaming I thought I better touch base.

ME: Was up
ME: Its 17' degrees with wind chill.
Lacey: So sad so cold
ME: U want to run? Or bail? I know you  have an early soccer game.
Lacey: Run run fun
ME: Ok..time
Lacey: No one's bailing. Are you kidding me SUCK IT UP
ME: Ahh!! Ok!!

Lacey was ready to roll. She was knocking on my door 25 minutes later.
Andy was finishing getting dressed to run with us.

We got our butts KICKED out there. We took off into the wind and it seemed like the wind just hit us from every direction.
It was piercing. We just laughed the more we got blasted by the brisk winds. We laughed until even our cheeks hurt. Our words slurred like drunken runners. But our face muscles were not working properly.
Lacey and I were talking way more, so our symptoms were not as serious as Andy's. When Andy did get a word in edge wise we laughed at his blubbering sentences.
I tried to run behind Andy to block the wind but he was running too slow. Somehow, Andy found a sweet spot behind Lacey and I, letting us take the brunt of the wintery weather.

We knocked out 10 miles. And maintained a decent pace.
ATTIRE: NB Running tights, 1 thermal running shirt and 1 jacket. Buff, light weight hat and gloves. Smart wool socks
I wore tights because I was afraid, deeply afraid the wind would cut through baggier pants. AND ugh, they were so stinking tight. I think that is why Andy was actually running behind me. Double UGH!

Its time to SUCK it up I guess. Winter has shown up.

WAHHHHHH.

Anita~