Like I am not on the cusps of complete depression as it is.. I have to look at myself ever so often and deal with the visual of what stress does to the body.
Seriously, I work at a salon and desperately try to avoid looking at myself in the mirror. My skin has broke out - placing pimples in the middle of wrinkles is a cruel and evil joke. My grey hair has multiplied and I have skin that is just drooping off my bones. I look 10 years older. I don't even have a smile to try to manipulate the ugliness.
Mom and dad came home yesterday.
They stopped at my work and brought me a coffee from Tim Hortons.
I have not spoke to them since my big blow up at them and everyone that packed Ariel up last Friday. I am still deeply hurt.
It was an Ugly scene. I lost control and let 7 days of hurt and disappointments explode. I do not regret anything I said. I speak very open and honest. Sometimes people just push you and push you and know that you will just take it. But everyone has their limits.
I am upset because it made me really loose trust in people. It made me not trust the people I have always trusted.
It is a reminder of who I am and who I am not.
But it is also I reminder that I am HIS. And that is my Place. That is my Value. That is all that matters and I have to not put people where God should always be.
Even Andy is constantly mad at me. He wants me to just snap out of it. He wants me to be something I am not capable of right now. He gets mad at me everyday. It hurts to have your husband hang up on you because you are not the person he wants or needs.
It had been 2 weeks and 1 day.... How can I be normal?? How can I be the person everyone wants me to be? My whole world has changed.
What happened to "Love is Patient Love is Kind"?
I do not know who I am right now. I just know this hurts and people are hurtful and I feel so alone.