"Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, Who is in you, Whom you have received from God? ... So use every part of your body to give glory back to God..." 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

Thursday, October 26, 2023

MIGHTY

 "And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.." Marianne Williamson 
Shelby ran in Tawas with us. My heart was overflowing with love

"Anita, how long are you going to keep running like this?" A client of mine jokingly asked me. 
I laughed, because that's what I prefer to do whenever I am asked this question. 
They responded with intensity, "No, No, seriously, you cannot keep running like this, your body is going to break down." 

I have several different answers on speed dial. I have asked myself this question many times. 
The answers depend on the audience. 

If it is THE LORDS will for me to no longer run, I have always prayed the He would give me peace to leave my running behind. 

Many miles of running. 
Many seasons of running.
Many injuries from running. 
Many Praises to the Lord in my running. 
Many races, many faces and many places. 
But the Lord continues to keep me running. 

After I laughed to my client, I walked in front of them and said, "I am not afraid of my body falling apart from running, it actually is the best way to have my body fall apart, I am more afraid of being afraid of living in fear. " 

But I had many more words, words that were deeper, heavier, however, I thought it was best to keep it light with laughter. I added some joke, poked fun at myself and jumped into another subject. 

"Call onto me and I will answer you and show you great and mighty things which though knowest not." Jeremiah 33:3

If you would have asked me 20 years ago if I would still be running, I would have told you NO. 
Over 2 decades of running compiled of victories, failures, friendships, experiences and destinations I could never have dreamed of. 
I can look back over the last 20 years and see God made a way when there was no way. 
The glory was not me being in the limelight, The Lord was in the LIMELIGHT and always gets the glory. 
It has nothing to do with miles, or pace, or where I place, it has everything to do with humility in those miles and giving GOD all the Glory. 
My bravery has NOTHING to do with where I run, or how I run, my bravery is in full faith that I fully trust God no matter the outcome. If it looks like a failure to man often it is a victory to the Lord. 
The Lord has given me over 20 years of GREAT AND MIGHTY things I would never have known if I never stepped out in faith.  

I am reading in Exodus chapter 1:20 "So God was good to the midwives and the people multiplied and became VERY MIGHTY."
Just a few verses back Exodus phrases the growth of the nation as "exceedingly mighty.

All this MIGHTY talk counseled me. When we put the LORD first, without FEAR from our surroundings and live our faith out loud, we are MIGHTY. 
Moving against the grain in a world that is morphing into mayhem is MIGHTY. 
Living in faith with both compassion and conviction is MIGHTY. 
Finding security in Christ alone is MIGHTY. 
Being brave to feel EVERYTHING even when it hurts is MIGHTY. 
Learning to stand alone in a world that is populated with people is MIGHTY. 
Allowing the mundane to be monumental is MIGHTY. 

Be Brave friend. It just takes a step of courage and a call unto the Lord. He has great and mighty things for you. 

In Peace, not Pieces. 
ANITA

Thursday, October 19, 2023

Somewhere in the middle of NO where


"Bless me, even me also, O my Father.." Genesis 27:34
Another rainy day.  
Another cold damp day that the dreariness leads to weariness. 
I set goals to prepare for these days in hope that I could prevail in times of dread like today. 

I didn't have a lot going on today. My phone wasn't ringing, my calendar was open and my head really was more active than my legs. 
I decided to just RUN. 

After an early morning in the word flipping through Genesis, I took my empty coffee cup to the sink and started to get ready for the next few hours of running. 
It left me with many thoughts I needed to think on. 
********
I ran and ran, my wheels were turning. Thoughts were colliding with the scriptures I read on DECEIPT, GRUDGES, BLESSINGS, and REDEMPTION. 

I could totally relate on so many levels. Some of the people in our lives we thought we should trust duped us or deceived us. 
We cried bitterly, as Esau did in Genesis when his blessing was stolen. 
And a seed is planted, a seed of bitterness from that first tear and a grudge against them develops...
Friendships dissolve. 
Families separate. 
Jobs are lost. 
Moments turn to bitter memories. 
And hearts are broken. 

As I ran the backroads in Holly I had no idea where my legs were taking me. I had no knowledge of my limbs I just circulating thoughts. 
Mile into miles I ran. 
Genesis 48:15-16 "The God who has been my shepherd all my life to this day, The angel who redeemed me from all evil." 
These were the words of Jacob.
The brothers reconciled over 20 years later. 
Out of a wounded heart our thoughts can turn evil. Two brothers with over 20 years of grudges. Vengeance and grudges are entertained but the Lord can redeem. 
We can't camp there. The road off the cliff is fun for a while, but I had to reign in back in. 
On these thoughts I began to feel my legs sore from running. I was aware of my heavy breathing and breathlessne. 
And I Smiled. 
I have been redeemed. 
As I ran all by myself, with only my thoughts I smiled. I have so much comfort and peace all by myself. 
The Lord redeems. 
His redemption gives us peace. 
His redemption removes the shackles of bitterness.
His redemption shines grace upon us to give to others. 

RUNDOWN:
"Mastery requires endurance....Mastery is not merely a commitment to a goal, but to a curved line, constant pursuit....Mastery is in the reaching, not the arriving." Sarah Lewis

SOMEWHERE in the MIDDLE of NO WHERE is where I ended up without a plan just a goal. I knew I wanted to run long and slow. 
It happened gradually...
With that being the case, I really didn't map out a course. I ended up with more miles that I wanted and when I discovered I was going to be running over I knew I needed MUSIC. 
My wobbly legs got a second wind. I found myself running and smiling. 
Even as the drizzle wet my skin and a head wind hit me, I was still smiling. 
REDEEMED.
 


In Peace, Not Pieces, 
ANITA



 




Sunday, October 15, 2023

Don't Flinch

 

Yesterday, Andy and I went over to our oldest sons house to help mount his TV.  Austin, he is a rowdy man. I think you can figure out where he received his rambunctious behavior from. 
A younger Anita used to love to box. I know, hard to imagine. I had a little bit of crazy in me back then. Becoming a mother, I had to retire the gloves.  
But "Boy Wonder" about the same age I was when I took up boxing, took up martial arts. 
He loves to wrestle, grapple and throw his 200lb weight around. 
At his place yesterday, he threw a low thigh kick at me, "OUCH" I yelped. A couple more kicks, and down I fell onto the couch. Truth is he has NO IDEA how strong he is. There was a day I would have got right in there. 
But instead, I waited....
And with his back to me I threw a weak roundhouse to his buns, SMACK!! He didn't even flinch
Yet if anyone suffers as a Christian, let him not be ashamed, but let him glorify God in that name.
–1 Peter 4:16

Austin knew his mom would not quit. He knew I would not let him get the last move in. HE KNEW. 
That is why he didn't flinch. Even with his back to me he knew it was coming but he was not AFRAID.

I thought of this with my day-to-day grind. I know that I am going to face trials. I am going to have hard days; life is going to sucker punch me. But to live Flinching in fear is not showing Faith in Christ. 

Part of the reason Austin didn't flinch is because he knows he is much bigger, much stronger and much more capable than his little mother at protecting and defending himself. 

Flinching Chickens
I have 6 chickens, a motley crew of hens, I love them, I feed them, I visit them, I have a safe home for them, I take very good care of them. When I walk into their coop, they come to me but when I bend down to touch them, they FLINCH! I am crushed, "I am here to LOVE you little ladies..." I sing softly to them. But they are filled with fear. 
Sometimes even we are so filled with fear that we even flinch in areas of safety. 
Fear can do that. 



"I ask that He strengthen you in your inner selves from the riches of His glory through the spirit." Ephesians 3:16

Never flinch. The Lord strengthens you.  
These days maybe not as much physically but spiritually I am being restored and redeemed so I do not have to flinch with life throws its punches at me. 
Stay strong in the Lord, He is your strength in your struggles, you do not have to FLINCH, keep your Fatih. 

In Peace, not Pieces,
Anita 



Monday, October 9, 2023

The Place of Vulnerability.

 “Vulnerability is the core, the heart, the center, of meaningful human experiences.” Brene' Brown



Vulnerability. 

What is this place? Is it an actual location? Is it a destination? 
Some foreign land? 
A place that frightens most people and a place that has left many broken and never the same. 

Vulnerability scares me. It is my land that I protect with all cost. I have invited others into my very sacred place with extreme caution and realized too late that my space was abused, and I invited the abuser in. 
My fault. 
My weakness. 
My misjudgment. 
My bad.

Vulnerability is like a land that is exposed in the darkest of nights. 
The deepest of wounds. 
The sunniest of skies and the cheeriest of moments.  
The spaces of extreme. 

Vulnerability cannot be retracted and can be defined and judged in its intense form with ease from others. 
Vulnerability is often a place of regret because of this. 
Misjudgment.
Confusion. 
Disorganized chaos. 

Vulnerability is a place I have licked my wounds, ripped my scabs and still...heart wide open bled out over and over again with the intention....
To Love. To Believe. To Hope. To Trust. 

Sometimes it is reckless, feeling like I am going off the deep end but if one person can see that land with LOVE, with FAITH, with HOPE then I will share that Place of Vulnerability. 


Vulnerability in the darkest hours and the deepest pains. 
It is dark and quiet except for our feet crushing the limestone on the Hennepin canal. 

I was pacing Erica over the weekend for her first 100 miler. Erica is strong, a mother, a wife, an incredible athlete. She knows pain, my kind of pain. She grew up in darkness that made her resilient, strong, dangerous and risky. 

At 10pm, I jumped in again to trade pacing with her husband. Her armor was cracking. She had been running effortlessly at a 9:30min/mile for over 70 miles. However, when she arrived this time at the aid station, she was almost an hour late. 

It was so dark we both needed light. This is the place of vulnerability. 
As we ran the chill in the air left me shivering. I kept myself hushed. I walked next to Erica under the moonless sky, the trees looming over us, wanting to feel her pain, wanting to carry her pain so I could help her better. 
But I couldn't. All I could do was stay beside her. Pray for her. Listen to her. 
All I had was my light and she had her own light.  She trusted me weeks ago to be beside her, truth is she is a much better runner than I am. 
What I could give her was a place of vulnerability.  A place where I could only give me, and she seemed ok with just that. This is the place that scares me. 

Erica finished like a rockstar! 

Andy and I snuck out of our hotel room a few hours later for a 6-hour drive home. 
The drive home was quiet, but my thoughts were loud. 
As the minutes turned into hours I had not heard from Erica. 
I thought many thoughts and struggled to take mine captive. That place of vulnerability began to tug a little. 
The place in the darkest of nights. In the cold, quiet path down the Hennepin canal that I spoke vulnerability. 
Did I share too much? Did I say too much?
I found myself settling down the closer we got to home. The Lord wrapped me in His security with peace and soon Erica texted with such love I knew it was from the Lord. 

"For though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ" 2 Cor. 10:3-5 

Just be who God made you to be Anita. 
I am made to be vulnerable. To give myself freely, openly and transparently. Not everyone is going to like you, understand you, accept you, and the list goes on. 
But when we do things with LOVE we have succeeded. And you will accept others in that same place. There is peace in that. 
Taking our thoughts captive helps drown out the noises so we can hear the melody of love, peace and grace. 
We all come with a light. Sometimes that place of vulnerability drains the batteries. And sometimes that light burns out and darkness covers you. 
Take time to Pause, Rest, Recover and daringly turn your light back on. 
Shine the way you were meant to. 
Be who God made you to be. 
Confidently. Boldly. With a Reckless Love Shine on.  

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. 
Phil. 4:8

In Peace not Pieces, 
Anita






Monday, October 2, 2023

Run Rabbit Run 50 Recap: BE Magnificent

 



How do you recap a race that you are still processing? A race that you trained harder than you have ever trained for a race? I trained for RRR for 9 months and felt so ill equipped within the first 10 miles. 

A Few Details:
  • The crew from Michigan Running: Sarah, Amanda, Shane, Joe, Shirley, Mark and myself. 
  • My brother and sister in love flew in from Florida, we shared and Airbnb in Steamboat together, the rest of the crew were in an Airbnb together a block from us. 
  • We came in on Wednesday, stayed one night in Grand Lake. We went to Rocky Mountain National Park on Thursday on the way to Steamboat. 
  • Our Airbnb was located less than a half a mile from the finish line. 
THE RACE PLAN: 
  • Saturday September 16, 6am start
  • Elevation starting at 6.886 feet
  • Original plan was ALWAYS to finish in sub-14 hours. The cut off for the race is 15 hours. I should have stayed in that original plan and saved myself a lot of grief and discouragement. At dinner the night before the race, the question of "Race plans" got brought up. Sarah, casually mentioned that "Ultrasignup" gave an estimated time for her and I around 12 hours based off of our running history. That seed gently landed in my little pea brain and totally lodged in Andys brain. 
  • I would NOT see Andy for the first 22 miles, there was NO access to the first 3 aid stations. I would see him at the Dumont Aid Station. 
"Let's NOT die on that Mountain"! 



Praying started at 5am in our Airbnb. Several friends had reached out to me with scripture and prayer. I opened Hebrews that morning humbly seeking the Lord. Or maybe even desperately. 
At the start of the race, we gathered together in prayer yet again. 
At 6am promptly we headed up, up, up. 
The race starts at the bottom of the mountain where you take the service drive up 6 miles to the top of the ski slope. 
Off we went heading up. the first mile I was sucking wind at a 14min/mi. 
All 7 of us running the same race but in different places. I had my headlamp on and even though I couldn't see the mountain my lungs could feel the suffering. 
I knew I couldn't walk, I just tried to stay in line with the other runners. 
"ANITA"... I heard that sweet voice of Sarah. I was so happy to have her next to me. 
Sarah and I tackled that 6 mile service drive enjoying the sunrise and chasing back and forth with Mark

. We were finding some laughter as our lungs and legs were grieving. 


Each mile my confidence faded. I just wanted to get to the aid station at Mt Werner, elevation, 10,372 ft.  We would climb almost 4,000 feet in 6 miles. 
We made it with full on smiles and I was praising GOD! We didn't stick around we headed out quickly to the next aid station about 6 more miles away. 
From Mt. Werner to Long Lake SO much changed, it had to change, or I would never have made it off that mountain. 
I couldn't catch my breath. I would run for about 5 minutes and I was winded. Up and down we ran. Finally, I humbly admitted defeat. 
Sarah was pacing us for a 12 hour race that I was never going to make.
I felt like a wuss.
I felt weak. 
I felt old. 
I felt washed up, discouraged and defeated. 
"Sarah, I can't finish this race and maintain this pace..." I told here she could go, but I knew at that pace I would not be able to finish. 
I would DIE on that MOUNTAIN! 
Sarah without pause responds with "...Ultrasignup estimated our time based off of our race history, none of which were  ever races at this elevation....." 
I felt the wait of the world come off my shoulders as this brilliant nugget of information enlightened me! 

YES! DUH! 
"Sarah, let's have a great race with moderate suffering and smiles!" I responded, not exactly that poetic but something like that. 
I did say, "Sarah, Let's NOT die on this mountain, figuratively and techniquely"! 


LONG LAKE: 13.2

We dropped a little elevation, 9,946. We were running trails, big rocks and steep inclines, beauty that left you breathless. We found a rhythm. The heat was rising and the sky was open and clear. 
We came into the aid station stoked. We saw Joe, Mark was just a few minutes behind us and as we left the aid station we had caught up to Shirley. Shirley got to enjoy a hour early start for turning 50. She had this smile that could clear a storm. 
Seeing all my friends filled my heart and ignited my spirit. I even snagged a little video of us at about mile 14.

BUT....I would lose that smile very soon. 
As Sarah and I came off the mountain we had a guy on our heels. We had ran with many groups and most of them passed us but He didn't want to. The trail came out of the woods and opened up into a massive lake. The trail narrowed with tall grass on both sides. You could hardly see your feet and I kept tripping on my legs due to the groove in the trail. We were running at a good clip when I fell so hard the earth shook. This was NOT my first fall and it would not be my last. But this one knocked the wind out of me and I just paused in my fragile position trying to locate my brains. 
The guy behind us checked on me and he headed out down the trail ahead of us. 
Sarah and I were heating up and she was actually sharing her salt drink with me. Out of the blue Sarah had her first breakdown. She was so strong and happy I never saw it coming. We were about to make a river crossing when I said, "HEY! Let's remember why we are here...." I went to grab my phone and quickly joined Sarah's emotion when I discovered my PHONE WAS GONE. 
I knew I had lost it just over the last 3 miles. But we had to keep moving. 
BASE CAMP 18.4; 9,950 elevation
Poor Sarah had to listen to me ask every runner about my phone! I couldn't find my rhythm; I was distracted and mad at myself. 
When we came into the aid station, I was ridiculous asking everyone! The course is an out and back so my hope was someone on the way up or back might find it. We were filling up, eating and pretending we were GOOD!  The sun was baking us, we were struggling but we kept on smiling and laughing. 
My smile dulled quickly. 
"Sarah, I was born broken...." I beat myself up more than the mountain was doing. I just want to see Andy at mile 22, DUMONT. 
I needed a hug. I needed to be comforted. I felt everything in my body leaking out. 
Sarah was a joy, she was patient with my chaos and strong leading most of the way to Dumont, much stronger than I felt. 


DUMONT: 22.3 9,508 elevation 

The closer I got, the more I began tremble. By the time we reached Dumont I was a MESS! Andy was waiting for us at the trail head shouting and cheering us on. The tears burst out, without control. I NEVER CRY. Blubbering like a baby I shared of my lost phone. Andy got a little upset and Sarah actually calmed him down. He flipped the script, wrapped his arms around me and comforted me. My brother and sister-in-law had never seen me like that. Alec was sweet but they were all confused at how bad I looked. 
Andy handed me my Buckeye that my dear friend Debbie gave me to remind me she was praying for me, this helped cheer me up. 
I got it together, everyone was great we pushed out to head to Rabbit Ears, our highest elevation where we would turn around and head back the way we came from. 
My favorite Buckeye gave me this, Debbie to remind me she was praying for me. 

I would also get to see my family again! 

TO RABBIT EARS: Mile 25 10,534
This would prove to be the HARDEST 3 miles of the whole race. It was PURE SUN and I was not feeling so bright! 
Sarah was ahead of me and I could hardly walk, there was NO running. This stretch was narley. The last mile was sandy, it curved just enough so you couldn't see how close you were to the top. 
Sarah made it to the top 5 minutes before I did. I would get about 15 feet WALKING and have to stop!
I would just lean on my poles as my lungs cursed me and my heart beat so hard it felt like a jack hammer. 
I prayed and convinced myself I would NOT cry anymore. 
I heard Sarah laughing at the top, I pressed on to see her and be with her. 
BY the GRACE OF GOD I made it! I touched the mountain, found next level joy and got my playing card to prove I made it!

We took a few photos and headed down!! I was stoked!!! 

 DUMONT: Mile 27.7
I was ALL shades of happy when I saw my family again. My family had smiles as they greeted us and helped us. I told Andy the goal went back to the original 14 hour goal!! He said he figured; he had been tracking us. 
Sarah and I filled up, ate up, and cheered up! We were halfway done! We got to see all of our gang at Rabbit Ears coming down to Dumont.  I was so happy to see them all doing well. I was praying over everyone to finish. 



LET'S GOO! Keep the FAITH too the FINISH 

I got so excited knowing we were heading to the finish line. I had hope I would find my phone around the lake. 
The trail looked so different coming back. We had removed all our extra clothing. I had fallen 3 times, Sarah once. 
We saw some hunters with llamas that I would find out later had an elk on the back. I thought they were part of our cheering stations! Silly runners, the lack of oxygen is the my excuse. 
I got excited as we came out of BASE CAMP, mile 31.6, we hit a 50K. 
We were breaking it down aid station to aid station. This also meant I was near where I lost my phone. 
Sarah used her phone to send Andy our location and try to map out where my phone was. He then would text us that we were so close. 
BUT THEN he texted us and said we passed it! What? How did that happed we thought. I was so bummed. He told Sarah to just RUN and let it go, the phone was GONE. 
I totally believed we would find it. Even when we didn't find it I STILL believed. We knew I had lost it when I fell but we had searched all through he tall grasses. A guy at Long Lake aid station actually went out on his motorcycle to look for it. Our friends even confirmed they saw him out there.
I let it go but believed someone would find it. 
Andy calls Sarah around mile 39 to tell us SOMEONE had my phone!! 
"SARAH, it was NEVER about me losing my phone, it was always about YOU. I had to trip, fall, scrape myself up and lose my phone for you to see The Lord work through my faith. Sarah, it was always about you...." 
You see this is actually the SECOND time I lost my phone with Sarah in a circumstance I should NEVER have found it.
Sarah was struggling, I prayed over her and over all my friends. 
Not Just LOST Lake..But also Lost Phone! 


My legs felt good, I was still struggling to run long distances, but we had some good running segments. We knew that once we got to Mt Werner it was all downhill. We wouldn't have to worry about another water crossing or roots and large rocks, we would no longer be hidden in the forest. The mountain gathered around us with its vastness but would soon open up. We were so miniscule, just dust in comparison. The mountains etched greatness as the sun began to set, I knew we had to pick up the pace to get out of the woods before they came alive with heartbeats much stronger than ours. 
We made it to Mt Werner, we had 6 miles to go. "Sarah, I think we can make it by 7:30pm..." I was now in total race mode, horses to the barn. 
Even though I felt good, Sarah began struggling. "Sarah, Stay with me...." I picked up our pace and made sure she was with me. We made it a mile down and took a walk break. Not long, "Let's GO...Come ON Sarah..."
We did this all the way down. The last mile, I kept losing her. I yelled LOUDER, "Stay with me Sarah..." I would hear her voice holler back. Once I didn't see her or hear her and I stopped, I panicked and shouted again and again looking for her, "SARAH, SARAH...." "I'm Here..." I hear her voice respond.
I smiled. She was with me. 
I came down that mountain passing runners right up to the end. I was flying off the step when I could see the finish, "ANITA!! ANITA...." I heard Andys voice, "NO WAY...ANITA, Let's GOOO"...
Then I heard my brother "THAT'S my SISTER, LOOK thats my SISTER...." 
I was smiling so big as I came into that finish.
Andy hugged me but all I could think of was Sarah, "SARAH, Sarah is coming.....Get Sarah..."
A minute later comes the most beautiful gal comes into the finish with pure joy she finished. 


BE MAGNIFICENT!!
We DID IT, 13hours 28 minutes. 
It will go down as my hardest 50 miler to date. 
There is something so remarkable about being at the end of ourselves. This is the depths of WHY I run. SO I can be so depleted, so vulnerable, that I know I need my God to occupy the places I am empty. 
It is FAITH that gets me to the finish line when I am vacant of my human abilities. 
The Race director told us to BE MAGNIFICENT. 
Being Magnificent had NOTHING to do with my race time. 
Being Magnificent had everything to do with keeping my FAITH. 
Being Magnificent meant "Fixing my eyes on Jesus" to get me to the finish line.
Being Magnificent meant there was MORE than a finish, there was friendship. 
Being Magnificent meant I had to master "Self" and have FAITH in my Masters outcome for me. 

Congrats to ALL my CRU. Everyone finished! Everyone crossed that Finish Line. 


In Peace not Pieces,
Anita

NOTE....The man that found my phone was the guy that was behind us when I fell! I had told him along with about 25 other runners I had lost my phone, he remembered where I fell because he was behind me!!