This voice was the voice of a mother. A loving mother. A mother who has dreams for her children and none of them involved chaos, fighting, police, drunkenness,late nites or painful tears.
This mother was running harder than my measly 5 miles. She had been running through the night and now into the early morning. She was running faster and longer only she was going no where fast. She was running in circles around her sons addiction. She was scrambling to pick up His pieces and trying to fix Him all the while he was doing nothing but working her!
This is Addiction. Addiction is the Puppet Master. If you get in the game you can find yourself working harder at trying to get them to do some work at sobriety and being "clean" than they are doing for themselves.
This poor mother was running to the computer trying to find programs and financing. Running from homes to hospitals, Running into obstacle after obstacle. She was doing what us mothers do best, trying to problem solve, manage people, places and things and in the midst she was the one ultimately getting RUN DOWN.
There were fears running through her head that were consuming. They were saturating any bit of normal thinking that was left, all normalcy was depleted and reality was unbearable.
Here I was. Like a watering station. I was only able to provide a little hope, a little comfort and a little relief. I was only a pit stop on her journey. There is more that I have to offer her but all she wanted was a sip. There are a lot of stations available to offer support and healing but sometimes we are running in circles trying to get our loved ones to make the same choices for recovery that we should be making for ourselves.
We Become as SICK as THEY do.
We think just because we are not shooting dope in our arms or pounding a 5th at lunch we do not have a problem. Our enabling, justifying, resentments, anger or judgementalness needs no treatment...
WHO ARE we FOOLING????
Her heartache still runs with me. Eventually she is going to "Hit the wall". This is where we are sick and tired of being sick and tired.
I understand her pain, I have ran that race..a couple times. Today I sit on the sidelines as a coach, a cheerleader, a station for support and love.
I Pray I never have to put those running shoes on again. Addiction is the hardest race to run.
But as they say...What doesnt Kill you only makes you stronger.
My Two Cents Worth.Addiction~"is a primary, progressive, chronic disease with genetic, psychosocial, and environmental factors influencing its development and manifestations. The disease is often progressive and fatal. It is characterized by impaired control over use of the substance, preoccupation with the substance, use of the substance despite adverse consequences, and distortions in thinking".
- "Hitting the Wall"~The dreaded point (and awful feeling similar to what your body would feel like if you ran into a wall) during a race when your muscle glycogen stores become depleted and a feeling of fatigue engulfs you.