|My Nephew teaching me how to use his gun.|
First off. On a scale of 1-10, today was a 9.5. It was a good day. I am telling you this because there were alot of thoughts, and emotions that were compressed in my head and heart today.
FLASHBACK: My first Mothers Day: May 2000. We lived in Lk Orion at the time. We lived quite a ways from everyone. Andy had to work this Sunday. I sat at home from the time he left and just sobbed. I cried and cried so hard that my head hurt and my eyes were swollen. It was the first Mothers Day that I not only was celebrating as a mother but also as a Mother without my Mother. I had this beautiful baby that I was so proud of and I could not share him with my mom. And here I sat all alone. I was scheduled to go to Andys moms house that afternoon but that was not a big enough bandaid for my heartbreak. I got ready, painted on my smile and packed Austin in the car to go be with Andys Beaver Cleaver Family.
I barely got out of the driveway when the tears swelled in my eyes again. I could not turn off the waterworks. But I knew I had to manage them. A mile down the road a Police Officer pulled me over. By the time he came around to my window all he saw were eyes flooded with saline. Of course he instantly thought it was because he had pulled me over. He was very firm and abrasive. My tags were expired and I could not find my insurance. He looked at me like I was a lunatic and I explained I was not crying because he pulled me over. He pressured me to tell him why. I told him and unsympathetically he said "I am sorry but where are you going?' I responded, "To my mother in laws for dinner." He replied, "If I catch you on this road you are going to get your car towed. I do not want to catch you driving so I would suggest going right back home because I could put you in jail right now." So I do what any depressed and disciplined person would do, turn my car around with my tail between my legs feeling completly defeated and discourage and went home.
I sobbed so hard I literally made myself sick. I called Andy at the hospital where he worked and told him the story.
There was nothing he could do and I knew that. So I just sat there alone, depressed and now angry.
BUT THAT IS NOT THE END OF THE STORY! I see Andy..Like a Knight and Shining Armor coming to my rescue. He opened the door and said. " I am not going to work and have my wife at home crying, you are more important than that job." Then he follows it by, " Go clean up and get ready to go to my moms."
PRESENT: Andy has Always set the bar for Mothers Day. He has Honored me, Loved me, Spoiled me, and most important, taught my boys how to do the same. I am truly the Queen for a day.
That is how my day has been from the moment I woke up. I have not lifted a finger and have been waited on and doted on all day, today.
Our Sermon was awesome. "The 4 Characteristics of a Godly Mother" Mathew Ch 2:12-15 (Jesus Mother)
- Will do what needs to be done.
- Protect her children at all costs.
- Puts her children first
- Moms see things in her children that no one else see.
|Focus, Aim, Shoot!!|
We had Dinner at my Nephew Glenns' House. We also were celebrating his birthday. He lives on 2 acres so we took Sheba with us. Everyone had a great time. Glenn let me shoot his gun. This is something I have always wanted to do. Glenn has a .380. From the moment I wrapped my fingers around it I was in love. It felt so natural in my hand. What a rush. I narrowed down my target, and focused in, enjoying every second. I slowly pulled the trigger as if I was savoring the moment and BANG. An intense and deafening sound rang through my ears letting me know that I had just shot my first gun. And it was over that quick. The bang was like a period. But it was also a comma in my head because I knew we will be meeting again!
Finishing my day, there is always one thing I have done as a tradition the last 6 years, RUN.
This Run is my time to grieve and get over it.
There were many things I thought of today, here are a few:
Dear Mom: Mom I am not mad at you. Although I miss you I forgive you. Yes, I wish I could share my family with you but this is what it is. I am me because of you. You did the best you knew how. I can relate. I do the best I know how and often that does not feel good enough. And there are many times when I know I can do better and don't until it is to late. I think that must have been how you felt. I wish I could tell you I understand.
SORRY: Thoughts on being a daughter....I realized today that I do not remember celebrating 1 Mothers Day with my mom! How terrible. Was it because I did not think She deserved to be honored? Was it because I was a self centered and a selfish teenager? Was it because I blocked it? Or was it because I did not know the importance of it. I am guessing sadly to say all of the above probably reign true.
DIE TO SELF: Andys mom has adopted me as her own. She is so good to me. But today I was also grieving for her. As I ran on the pavement I wanted to call up her daughter and say, "She is your mother, She gave birth to you, She loves you no matter what, She will not be here forever, there are no guarantees in life Get over Yourself." She did not hear from her daughter this morning or afternoon and you could see the hurt in her. My mother made many mistakes and I never held a grudge. There are NO perfect parents! But I have seen both sides, and Andys mom is a loving, Godly, accepting, forgiving and on and on mother. NO exaggerations.
|My great niece, Haylee feeding Sheba Chocolate Torte.|
IN a NUTSHELL:Late run felt tired.
Had a awesome Mothers Day.
Sunny and 73 degrees
My Allergies are in full bloom!
I have a kink in my neck that is really irritating!
My boys gave me very sentimental gifts. So special.
I want to share this Poem with you, Moms daughters for 30 plus years have called and sang this to her! This is the first year she did not get the phone call. I did not even know that her daughters did this as she has never shared it with me up until today.
"M" is for the million things she gave me,
"O" means only that she's growing old,
"T" is for the tears she shed to save me,
"H" is for her heart of purest gold;
"E" is for her eyes, with love-light shining,
"R" means right, and right she'll always be,
Put them all together, they spell "MOTHER,"
A word that means the world to me.