RUNNING Myself down.

 "Above all Else, Guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." Proverbs 4:23

I grew fighting. Chaos. I grew up a disrespectful, mouthy trailer park brat. I grew up the only way I knew..To survive.
For every tear I shed my heart silently was hardening. Unaware to this defense mechanism that was secretly invading me I continued to be hurt, disappointed and abused by the very ones that I loved the most.

I would often question them "How can they say they love me and hurt me so bad?"

Here I am 25 years later with out any family around me any longer. But I am left with the effects of a hard heart.

I have a strong dislike for certain qualities traits. I am intolerant to certain behavior.
It is not popular thinking but I see Black and White in certain areas.
Some of my favorite quotes that best descibe my thinking are:

• "It is RIGHT to do RIGHT."
• Do a job big or small do it right or don't do it at ALL."
• "Whatever happens Take Responsiblity."
• Grow up- take ownership for your actions and stop blaming others

"The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit." 

Proverbs 18:21

Today on my run, I ran hard. I did some self inventory. I ran after my mistakes rather that trying to dodge them or avoid them. I do not accept them as who I am. I hate them. I hate my hard heart that responds quick and reacts abusive. I hear my voice as it vomits offense. I can see myself trying to dive to my words that have spewed out of my mouth but it is to late they have reached their victim.
I ask myself  "How do you recover." "How do I make this right?"
Pride prevents me from apology. I have to breath, calm down, and DIE to Myself. As much as it hurts to apologize it is a good reminder that the actions or words I spoke hurt someone worse.
It is Not about me. 
And so I run. I run hard. I pray fervently. I look to my enemy...often myself.. and RUN her down. 

"None so empty as those who are full of themselves." 

Benjamin Whichcote

Rundown

Pace: 7:32

Time: 53:

Distance: 7:01

Some of my favorite qualities in a person are Honesty, Integrity, Perseverance and Hard work. 

Some qualities I struggle with in people are with are blamers, , laziness, dishonesty, intentional hurtfulness. 

(This is my struggle. I work on giving Grace and accepting people as THEY ARE not as How I want them to be.)

What are some qualities that you like or dislike in people? Where do you struggle with people? 

Anita