"Above all Else, Guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." Proverbs 4:23
I grew fighting. Chaos. I grew up a disrespectful, mouthy trailer park brat. I grew up the only way I knew..To survive.
For every tear I shed my heart silently was hardening. Unaware to this defense mechanism that was secretly invading me I continued to be hurt, disappointed and abused by the very ones that I loved the most.
I would often question them "How can they say they love me and hurt me so bad?"
Here I am 25 years later with out any family around me any longer. But I am left with the effects of a hard heart.
I have a strong dislike for certain qualities traits. I am intolerant to certain behavior.
It is not popular thinking but I see Black and White in certain areas.
Some of my favorite quotes that best descibe my thinking are:
- "It is RIGHT to do RIGHT."
- Do a job big or small do it right or don't do it at ALL."
- "Whatever happens Take Responsiblity."
- Grow up- take ownership for your actions and stop blaming others
"The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit."
Proverbs 18:21Today on my run, I ran hard. I did some self inventory. I ran after my mistakes rather that trying to dodge them or avoid them. I do not accept them as who I am. I hate them. I hate my hard heart that responds quick and reacts abusive. I hear my voice as it vomits offense. I can see myself trying to dive to my words that have spewed out of my mouth but it is to late they have reached their victim.
I ask myself "How do you recover." "How do I make this right?"
Pride prevents me from apology. I have to breath, calm down, and DIE to Myself. As much as it hurts to apologize it is a good reminder that the actions or words I spoke hurt someone worse.
It is Not about me.
And so I run. I run hard. I pray fervently. I look to my enemy...often myself.. and RUN her down.
"None so empty as those who are full of themselves."
Time: 53:Distance: 7:01
Some of my favorite qualities in a person are Honesty, Integrity, Perseverance and Hard work.
Some qualities I struggle with in people are with are blamers, , laziness, dishonesty, intentional hurtfulness.
(This is my struggle. I work on giving Grace and accepting people as THEY ARE not as How I want them to be.)
What are some qualities that you like or dislike in people? Where do you struggle with people?