There was the season as a child that I bounced around a lot. This season lasted until I was about 12 years old. I had been in several different schools with even more addresses.
My mom had a boyfriend whom I hated. I know that seem harsh but so was life at that age. "Tom Lambert". He has been dead now over 20 years. He was a terrible alcoholic and placed memories in my mind that I struggle with even as an adult.
When my mom and him broke up (I am sure I had something to do with this) another chapter of my life unfolded.
Middle school and high school.
This chapter lasted till my mother passed away December 8th, I had just graduated.
The rebellious and broken stage of life turned its pages without hesitation.
This chapter lasted for many years. These were my years "In Egypt". I was in bondage to SELF and self destruction. I did terrible things and I was a terrible person.
But there was another chapter that was drawing near.
The "Kristin, Glenn, Brittany, and Ariel" chapter. These were my nieces, nephew and younger cousin.
I loved having them around me. We would shop, play games like Skip Bo, Scattagories, and B.S.
We would scrapbook, dance around the house and just hang out chatting. I miss this chapter. I would do anything for those kids. I would go to the moon and back for each of them. And many times I did.
When Ariel passed away a few weeks ago they went in and took most everything out of the house. But they left a few boxes of what looked like junk. And really most of it was. But there was one box...The Golden nugget.
I went to the house to visit Ariels sorority sisters and in the closet were these forgotten about boxes. I sat there on the floor looking through them. There was one box filled with mostly junk but it had 3 bibles in it.
I was sick. There was not one bible from me. My first thought was "What kind of an Aunt was I that I never bought her a bible?" I prayed over that girl, I took her to church, I took her to church camp, I was her youth leader but I never bought her a bible?" It made me sick.
It ate and ate at me.
I took the stuff over to dad, I gave him some cards that were in the boxes and together we cried. She had kept EVERY card I had sent her, every note I wrote her and even little scraps of paper that simply said "I love you, have a good day."
As we cried dad got up and walked to his bedroom. He came out holding a bible. "Anita, I found this and I wanted to make sure that you got this so I saved it for you."
It was the Bible I bought her.
You see I bought her many many things but to me the gift of teaching her to have a relationship with Christ was the best present I could give her. That is what I always wanted was for her to follow HIM. For her to Trust HIM. For her to Beleive in HIM and for one day to be with HIM. (just not this soon).
As I opened her bible I wept. It was not like the other bibles in that box. It was broken, the pages were torn and bent. The words were highlighted and underlined. Though out the chapters were notes written in her perfect penmanship. It was used. The binding was tattered and there were papers with lessons written on them tucked in between the pages.
Today I sat down in my closet. Sitting on my knees I gently looked through her belongings that I have been avoiding. It wasn't but seconds for the tears to flood my eyes. As I touched each article of clothing it was like touching her only she was not there. I could even hear myself "Oh Ariel, That is so pretty, where did you get that?". But she was not there.
There sat her bible. I haven't stopped crying since I opened it. So many of my favorite verses she had underlined.
But here is one that she had underlined that touched home for me tonight:
2 Timothy 1:4
" Recalling your tears, I long to see you, So that I may be filled with joy..."
I have joy. But not my Ariel Joy. That is a very very special place that only she can fill.
I have not figured out what to name this chapter that I am in and I am not even trying to define it. I am just resting on God to provide the way.
Distance: 6 miles total: 5 miles at at 7:47
1 Hour Spin class: 23.2 miles
1 Mile Cool down
Cold Plunge 12 minutes.
Everyday I am sore. But I know I have to take care of myself to recover. There is not much time to recover physically at this point of training so nutrition and rest are everything.
I woke up with a stupid kink in my neck and that tripped me up. I feel like "Lurch" everytime I have to turn my head.
Today I almost backed out of Spin class but quickly reminded myself "No Pain, No Gain."
Even after 5 minutes in Spin I was looking for the exit sign. I was already smelly and sweaty. My nose was running and I thought I was going to have to be carried out on a stretcher.
The clock seemed like it wasn't moving and my legs were pretty ticked off at me for running 5 miles prior.
I have NO idea how I made it out of there AND walked to the track! I remember thinking as I was on my second lap." Feel the pain, feel the exhausting and remember it, embrace it and receive it to add to your training."
Maybe I was able to run that last lap as a glutten for punishment or maybe I was able to run that last lap because I knew I was going to get a new pair of shoes as soon as I left GAC!
|Brooks Glycerin 10|
UPDATE!! I saw "Melissa" this week. She is still nursing her knee from her EPIC 8 miler several weeks ago BUT...She is back running again. She too purchased new shoes and it was suggested that it may have been her old shoes that was causing her knee pain. "Melissa" was in the WRONG shoes! This is another reason why it is so important to get fitted properly for shoes!
This to Remember when getting new shoes:
- Get fitted after your work out or later in the day :Your feet swell and you do not want to end up in shoes to small for your feet.
- Bring in your old shoes so they can see your tread.
- Ask for Last Years MODEL! This little tip can save you about 20$! Most of the time the change is very minimal.
- Look for coupons!! Most running shoes are averaging about $110! Some Mizunos are at $200!
"RUN HAPPY" BrooksAnita