I felt the quiver of emotions gently rising. The sun hugged my back, warming me with comfort and peace.
|Jeremiah 15:18 |
Tears softly rolled down my cheeks as I gazed across the rustic pasture. A small stream, almost hidden made its way towards where I stood. The trickling of the brisk November water made a heavenly hum as it danced through the high grasses and rocks. It seemed as if it appeared from no more. A mystery.
"For You formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother's womb. I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, And my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from You, When I was made in secret, And skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth;…"PSALMS 139:13-15
I stared out at the calmness that was encompassing me. Questioning what had happened to me, what was this turmoil that had twisted me, I felt more tears warm my cheeks.
Running always helps to unwind me. I looked through my morning and wondered if it was one particular thing or if it was everything added together.
My sleep was restless and broken. The dogs whimpered at 5am to go out. Begrudgingly, I stepped out of the warm bed to let them out.
Was this the culprit of my emotional breakdown?
Coffee is always a soothing morning routine. However, my Keurig was spewing coffee grounds at me like the exorcist.
Was it my lack of coffee and my new broken appliance that bound me up?
I wanted so bad to have it all together. I thought back, or was it the hubby?
Was it Andy throwing things around this morning because he too was having a bad morning?
But even Andy recovered with a heartfelt apology, calling himself a "Douche". I smirked at his apology text, it really was endearing.
I thought back a couple miles before I rested at this place.
I saw a tree.
Its silhouette was perfectly cut against the vast blue sky. It towered full of strength and age. Its branches were mangled and all twisted together. The heavy branches grew awkwardly outside of a thick strong trunk. Nothing made sense as the tree looked tangled within itself.
I couldn't remember seeing this old beaten tree. I had ran this route so many times and couldn't remember seeing this beautiful mess.
This was me. I felt like this tree. Most people would never recognize me if they could see me naked of my protecting covering. They may think I was ugly, broken, even disturbed. All the things I am.
I am all knotted up, I am woven together like madness. Nothing makes sense...
But God covers me, protects me from even myself. The turmoil is real to me. But most of you see someone who looks like they have it together. Some might even think I have it made.
Isn't this all of us. Or most of us, the honest ones.
We try so hard to have it all together. We look so pretty from the outside. But when the leaves fall...
I was reminded today, that I am "Fearfully and Wonderfully made." I knelt along that stream emotionally twisted and tangled.
I quit trying to "Figure myself out."
I thought of the "Little Things".
The crisp air cooling off my hot cheeks. The smell of grasses surviving the chilly November weather.
The trickle of the stream as it made it way below the backroad where I stood.
And these were just "The Little Things."
|I LOVE old barns. This was still a working farm. History is Beautiful. Isn't she lovely?|
You ask "Why do You Run?"
"The Little Things"
It grounds me to a place of Gratitude.
It reminds me of A God that perfectly placed each branch, who weaved every offshoot creating a individual masterpiece.
In his perfection, everything is created. His design gets the Glory. It is a few miles of running outside of myself to see a bigger picture.
I am reminded no matter how my day unfolds, HE is always in control. Give Thanks even in the hard times.
Smile. Find Gratitude. Give Thanks. Stay Humble.
"Oh give thanks unto the Lord; for He is good; for His mercy endureth forever." Psalms 136:1