"Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, Who is in you, Whom you have received from God? ... So use every part of your body to give glory back to God..." 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

Thursday, February 19, 2015

Scared Slow.


Tim Hortons, MY FAVORITE COFFEE! 2 creams 4 sugars. I like it sweet!


TEN Miles And
Everything in my mind is so loud. My mind never turns off. The dialogue interrupts each other, debates, irritates and hates one another.
I am my best Anita when I am alone. As soon as you add another personality with me I loose control. My filter dissolves.
Then guilt is born.
I get confused on what is appropriate to say and do.
My intentions are often good, but my actions can shout something all together different. Even if my actions are good I still question myself.

This is so hard because I am an extrovert. I LOVE people. But I leave with the weight of the world on my shoulders. I take on the emotions of those I am around.
I questions the things I said, I worry about if I should have not replied or replied in a different manner.
Then I just hurt for those hurting.

I give God thanks so often for the legs he gave me to run with. The legs he gave me to RUN to HIM with.

Due to frigid temps my running partners traded in our long run outside for solo runs on the TM.
14 miles on a TM was not an option. The TM messes my plantar fascia up.

Lacey and I decided we would do our long run outside on Sunday.

10 miles on the track at Genesis was do able.

I saw Old timer Jeff at the gym. I scared the crap out of him as I snuck up behind him. I thought after I did that I shouldn't, I would die if he had a heart attack.
We some how got unto the subject of politics. He is probably the only one I could laugh with about our opposing sides.
Of course every time I said something he said "OH, that makes sense because you are a Republican!"

I was probably rolling my IT band like a Republican!  It feels so good to not be so serious. Not to offend someone or worry about what they think of you.

"Anita, You may be at the age where you are peaked....." Jeff changed the subject as we discussed how slow we both are in comparison to what we were running a couple years ago.

That sentence resided in my head well after we parted.
I don't want to be washed up.

Scared SLOW.  
Kathy M. and her girls were running at a quick clip around the track.
They invited me. One of the ladies was getting a drink by the cubbies while the other 2 kept running.
As I placed my phone, water bottle and chap stick in the cubby she smiled and said "Join us."
Intimidated I replied, "What pace are you guys running?"
"Not very fast at all, 7:49"

MY MIND WENT ballistic. "7:49...Not VERY fast! Seriously?! That is so fast, She is real funny."
Breath, think before you speak Anita...
"I wish I could, I have 10 miles to run, I don't think I could keep up with you guys."
She encouraged me some more.
"I am coming off an IT band injury, I better not."

Truth of the Matter. I WAS SCARED.
  • Scared I would fail
  • Scared I would not be able to keep up and embarrass myself
  • Scared I would discover how slow I am.
  • Scared of all the feeling of shame, defeat, discouragement
  • Scared it would hurt and I couldn't handle it.
They girls laughed and invited me again as they passed me.
Shyly I declined, letting them pass me.

Then something clicked. GET OFF YOUR WHINY BUTT AND GO!

I hit the Start button on my watch, with my eyes on their pony tails I started praying.
"5 miles, God just give me 5 Miles with them."
I stayed secretly about 15 feet behind them.

5 miles turned into 6 miles.
At 6 miles, I found out they were doing a 12 mile tempo run. 2 miles w/u. 8 miles @7:49 and 2 mile c/d.

The competitive spirit was ignited. "OK Nita, hold on another 2 miles. 8 miles."
At 8 miles I brought it down. to a 8 minute pace.
I didn't end it at 10 miles. I ended with a c/d at 11 miles.
Kathy was finishing up chatting with her partner. I had to go and tell her THANK YOU.

I have been so scared to push it. I have been afraid to feel the pain. I was afraid of the pain.
Could I handle the pain?
I was so scared I have been running slower than my body could run.


Distance: 11 miles
Time: 10 Miles=1:18.45

BE NOT ASSHAMED: My morning verse spoke these words.
Psalms 25:20 " Do not let me be ashamed, for I take refuge in You."

I had a choice. I could either feel shamed because I couldn't keep up, or I could feel Confident in Christ and let him direct me. And above all, No matter the Outcome, whether I fail or I am successful, I do it without SHAME.
It is all Mental.


No comments:

Post a Comment