KENSINGTON METRO PARK!- Where Lacey, Danielle and I did I official Bayshore Marathon kick off last Thursday, 11 miles!!
Staying focused on the goal is always the key to my training. I get so distracted.
One of the strongholds that can effect my training is not having my emotions in check. Running helps me balance the chaos that storms inside me.
A new goal this week for me, was to add another day. Friday, before I got out of work I had to take the reigns on my excuses that challenged my goal.
I did it! My run was cold and dark. The run was great, once I wrapped my head around it, the biggest victory was conquering change not actually running.
"A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;"The Distraction of Emotions: Sunday, I wanted to run 10 miles at the track at the athletic club.
The problem with grief is, it comes in waves. It blindsides you.
It was the early afternoon, the track was busy. With my music in my ears, I was looking forward to my run.
POWERLESS. I was held powerless to the intense sorrow that took control over me. I lost my breath, tears exploded down my cheeks. "Ariel, My sweet sweet Ariel, Please come back to me, I miss you so." My lungs gasped for air, I was left breathless, my legs buckled underneath me. I felt so weak, so helpless.
"Oh gosh, people are going to see me crying, stop ANITA, snap out of this."
Everything was so clouded over, I couldn't see where I was going, I wanted to run away, I wanted to cry in loud wails, I had no ability to go any farther.
"You can't cry, you can't, You CAN'T" I continued to argue with this weakness. I had to get disciplined over my emotions and not let them direct me.
Grief is so intense. But I knew I had to be stronger. I had to overcome the pain.
"OK Anita, you have 5 minutes, then you have to focus, you can't be a cry baby."
It just hurts so bad, so very bad. I knew I couldn't go into memory lane. I couldn't entertain any more thoughts that would hold me hostage to my emotions.
I began to pray.
"Please Lord, strengthen my heart, guard my emotions. Untangle the madness that is so intense right now. Please, please."
The pain was too much.
" A man's heart deviseth a way, but the Lord directs his steps." Proverbs 16:9
Emotions trip people up when not managed. My mind gets so afflicted when I don't control my emotions. They speak to me, they argue with me, they create confusion and they even create strife. Emotions take advantage of insecurity and whisper lies, distracting us when allowed to manage us. "The Heart is deceitful.."
It was 6 am and I was already preparing myself for my run to be outside.
12 inches of snow or something close to that.
I think it took as long to get dressed as it took to run. After dressing in 3 layers of clothing, I felt myself doing the pee pee dance. There was no way I could wait.
I was doing a work out before my feet even hit the snow.
I could feel myself beginning to sweat, all the layers were bulging and sticking. I had to get going.
I can't say that it was a speedy run, I didn't hit any records and I am not sure I even broke a sweat. I will say it was a beautiful run. Stunning.
I didn't see a lot of cars on the back roads. They ones I did see the people looked at me like I was crazy. I was extra cautious jumping into the snow banks. I had snow up to my knees and icicles down my eyelashes. It was just perfect though!
Distance: 5.5 miles
I know that God gave us emotions, Many times emotions are great, but for me I have to train not just my body but also my emotions. Emotions become so intense that they will take rule over us if we are not careful.
I have had my share of loss, more than anyone should have to deal with by the time I was 18, I was not wise enough to manage my emotions and they lead me to so much hurt and pain.