Today we were running together and she was sharing some victories in her life. They were victories that were immeasurable. Miraculous. I really enjoyed listening to her. I enjoyed hearing her laughter when just a week ago she was in the Pit. But today her Joy was infectious, her eyes were bright and her smile was illuminating . She was full of passion
"Be angry, and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, 27 and do not give the devil an opportunity." Eph 4:26-27
I am still not quite sure how we got talking about me. I think it had to do with how character defects are often brought on from our childhood. I agreed I discussed my anger issues.
We were running around the track in the gym. I thought it would be better for us to run on a flat surface due to a injury she has been battling. When the conversation was directed at me I began to loose track of how many times we were circling the track.
"Anita, Where do you think your Anger came from?"
"It's the Irish in me I believe." I responded. I went on to tell her as a child very very young I witness my moms side of the family drinking and fighting all the time. They were always full of pride when it came to the family name "MURDOCK". They also took great pride in their strength.
The men would get drinking and want to arm wrestle and somewhere after that someone was getting punched, beaten, bruised or bloodied. I remember as a child looking at my uncles who could barely able to walk and yet had enough strength to beat up their wives in front of us kids. I would think "You are so drunk I could just knock you over." I was as young as 11 thinking about how I would beat them the way they did my mother. As I told her this I could feel my blood boil, my blood pressure rise and the pain surfacing. I know exactly where that anger came from. I wanted to hurt them the way they hurt my childhood and the way they hurt my mother. I do not know what was scarier, thinking the demonic thoughts as a child or believing I could actually do them. The whole thing was pretty sick and twisted.
As she listened to me rather than judging me she comforted me with Gods words. "Anita, I believe God gives us Righteous Anger, What God gave you to glorify Him Satan wants to use to destroy YOU. Satan is the great Deceiver."
Accountability is beautiful when it is worked in Love. Words amongst one another are so powerful. They cam bring Life and Death. As we circled the track for a little over an hour we encouraged one another.
I am reminded of how Anger can hurt and I am reminded of how Anger can HELP. You see living that life ANGERED me so much I CHOSE to NEVER live that life. Yet I did not allow that ANGER to dictate my future and destroy me as it had so many others in my family. I was actually ANGRY enough that I was able to forgive them all and even love and pray for them. I hurt for them. It was not up to them to heal me from what they had done to me as a child. It was up to ME to seek HIM for healing. God is the Great Healer.
Today I can still be a hot head. I have to take it to the cross. I am far far from perfect. But I can see the work that God has done in me and continue to march on.
Genesys Health club Track