"Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, Who is in you, Whom you have received from God? ... So use every part of your body to give glory back to God..." 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

Thursday, August 9, 2012

You are as sick as your secrets.

It seriously breaks my heart when you see people you care about make terrible choices.
It pulls on your heart, makes your stomach do flip flops, brings tears to your eyes and rents space in your head.
I know there is nothing that I can do.
I am Helpless.
I feel like a nobody.
You want so bad to say.."Nooo, Do not do that. That is going to hurt really bad."
It does not matter how much influence you have tried to have on them, they are going to make their own decisions.
Do people seriously think that their choices affect only themselves?
It is time to wake up people! It is time we looked at someone other than ourselves and realized we affect others in everything we do or do not do!
We have gotten so self absorbed and consumed by ourselves, our feelings, our cares we could care less about anybody else.
Such a narcissistic thought pattern.

I wish I would have had a mom or dad to hold me accountable. I wish I would have had someone out there that would have said to me "Anita, It really hurts me to see you living like that." or "Anita, I believe you are better than this, why are you going down this path, I love you and am praying you make better choices."

So many sleepless, tear stained nights I lay awake in bed recounting my bad descisions.
So many days I just got through empty, lonely, confused.
So many moments I hated who I was and who I was becoming.
For God is not the author of confusion but of peace ... 1 Corinthians 14:3

For the moment it felt good.
For the moment I convinced myself it was good.
For the moment I wasn't alone.
Because for that moment I was in the company of drama, lies, secrets, and many other adversaries.
I was dancing with the Devil.
The godly may trip seven times, but they will get up again.Proverbs 24:16

But it was only for a moment everything felt good.
Them I had to deal with ME when that moment passed always too soon.
I danced with the Devil.  
And that moment lasted a lifetime, filling my closet with skeletons.

My heart is broken. I can continue to pray. I know more than I want, but that does not change the love that I have. I love you from a distance but always hold you close to my heart.

Indian Springs:
Distance:6 miles
RAIN RUN # 1. Awesome run solo. Started sprinkling and after 5 miles it was pouring. Park cleared out with the rain.
Independence Oaks:
Distance: 4.25
RAIN RUN #2. Well I figured I was already wet! Why not add a few more water logged miles to the day! Met Katie



  1. I just saw you finished 3rd overall at the Milford Memories run. Congrats!!! I believe I was 3rd in the mile run. Small world :)

    1. Michelle, How cool!! Congrats! It was a great day out there wasnt it!! Such a small world! Are you running the Crim?

  2. I'm not doing the Crim, but likely doing the Labor Day 30k in Milford. Hal has me doing 18 miles that weekend anyway and the $30 entry might be worth it to have company, to not worry about the route, and for the organizers to keep me hydrated :)