What warm weather brings.

The sun shines with warmth we feel from the inside out but with that sun shine also come allergies that I also feel from the outside in!
It is like having a big piece of chocolate cake and biting into it and it tastes like brussel sprouts. NOT FARE!
I have been sneezing all day.
I ran 8 miles this morning with Danielle and did not sneeze once. But as soon as I quit running my sneezing came back and it brought friends, runny nose, sore throat and headache.

I met mom at her house after running to clean and I think the dust made it even worse. I could hardly catch my breath before another sneezing attack took a hold of me.

Crying does not help allergies. It just progresses the runny nose and swollen eye thing. Mom and I went to Bordines to buy some flowers for Ariel. I wanted to buy Ariel a Shepherds hook and hanger. I remember the days when I wanted to buy her dresses, handbags and lunch. I loved buying her makeup and trinkets and anything she wanted. And now I am buying her flowers stands for her grave site. I am making payments on her headstone and buying her accessories to adorn it with.
As mom and I walked up to her at the cemetery I walked with caution. Each step was felt heavy and burdened. As we approached we saw "Mary", one of Ariels friends. I tried so hard not to cry in front of her. I wanted to be strong and cheerful. I wanted to be an encouragement to her but I had nothing. I just wanted to be alone. I wanted to lay down next to her, feel her hair and smell her skin.
I just cried.
Even when mom and I left I couldn't stop crying.

We both loved the sunshine and the heat of the day. We loved being outside with the sun beaming on our skin and here I was with spring blooming warm weather and I felt so alone.
And I cried even more.

Mom sat next to me and I couldn't shake the tears. I felt bad that I could not control my emotions better.
But I just couldn't.

As I pulled in my house mom was right behind me in the driveway. She knew I was coming home to clean my house. I had cleaned Mamas house and my time got away from me at the cemetary.  Mom knew I had only an hour and a half to get my house deep cleaned. I begged her to go home but she refused.
In 45 minutes we got the floors swept, downstairs all dusted, bathroom cleaned, dishes put away, everything wiped down and floors mopped on hands and knees.
And after she left I got upstairs bathrooms cleaned, mirrors and windows Windexed and vacuum ran.
That left me 20 minutes to get ready and back up to school.
My eyes were still burning from crying and my sneezing was not any better but I was on schedule.

I had a couple meetings, one was planned and one was not. A few things I learned from communicating in these meetings are:

• Always Be Honest. Lovingly though.
• You do not have to go to every argument you are invited to.
• Good communication requires both listening and HEARING...There is a difference
• There is a difference between facts and emotions. We have to be careful that we do not let our emotions steer our ship. Funny I said this statement and this statement was said to me in the same meeting by someone different.  I find that sometimes our emotions are so real to us that if we are not careful we can turn them into facts. I have done this and have created an entire scenario based on no proof, no facts just my feelings.
• Die to Self. Life is not about Anita. In the big picture I have to learn to Let Go. I need to learn how to conquer myself. How discipline my insecurities, how exchange my fears for freedom, how to be secure with myself. And how to have a teachable heart. We always need to be growing but sometimes we need to Die to Self to Grow in Christ.
• Validate other peoples feelings. Even if you do not agree with them they are real to them. You do not have to accept them but you should not discount them either. 
• Accountability..Iron Sharpens Iron. I can be a real bone head. But some of my greatest relationships come from those who love me enough to call me out...Lovingly. I am far far from perfect but I can appreciate when good friends hold me accountable. 

 He is NOT finished with me yet. I am in the Quarry. I know that I am not going to win everyone over. And not everyone is going to be in my fan club. No matter how hard I try. Jesus was perfect in every way and even those closest to him betrayed him.
I have to let it go. It is Right to do RIGHT.  Just do the best you can to be the best you can.

The Rundown:
Run 1: Danielle and I ran in Fenton; 8:3miles. Time:1:13
Run 2: Husky Roadrunners 5k 9:45 Pace