Have you ever thought you could get away with something and when you got caught you thought "I can not believe I did this." or "What was I thinking?"
I am everything you may think I am. Every mistake, every screw up, every judgement you think of me. You are Right. That was me. And in some ways that still is me. I have mistakes, screw ups and a series of unfortunate events broadcasted in my testimony.
I don't like the person I was. And there are days I don't like the person I am. I made bad choice after bad choice. I tried to cover one bad decisions with another and when that didn't reap good results I dug my hole deeper.
Eventually you get Sick and Tired Of being Sick and Tired.
Eventually you realize you are Stuck On Stupid.
Eventually you have to wake up and see that doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results is truly driving you into the looney bin and NO Where ELSE.
But life gives you second chances..and third...You just have to start making better choices eventually.
Yesterday was a HUGE Drug Bust across the street from me. Marijuana. It is such a bummer because I have witnessed this family make a series of bad choices and try to recover from the disaster with yet another bad choice. It broke my heart to see them humiliated with neighbors watching and guns being pulled on them in their own front yard. We were all gawking in astonishment. We all knew it was going to go down.
There in the balance are 2 little girls.
I was at home thinking...That could have been me. Maybe not the exact circumstance but that could have been me, like his wife. She was frantic and scared for her husband. She was confused and protective for her children and she was so co dependent she couldn't see the mistakes they had made.
That's how it works. We become as sick as our loved ones. We quietly em-mesh in their dysfunction becoming part of the canvas as well.
The police took him to jail and left her home with the toddlers.
I made cookies and brought her a plate.
I wrapped my arms around her, no judgment, no condemnation, just "I am praying for you."
That could have been me.
That was me on a different scale at one time in my life.
I just wanted someone to wrap their hands around me. I knew I was a mess.
I thank God for his Grace, his gift I do not deserve. I thank God for pulling me out and being patient with me. I thank God for second chances...Because that could have been me. "By the Grace of God go I."
|Rain Or Shine, RUN!|
It was just Danielle and I. I KNEW it was going to be a tougher run this morning. Aside from the rain and wind we had decided to try and pick the pace up today. The temperature said 52 degrees but that was before the wind ripped a hole right through you. We planned to run 8:15 minute miles. Indian Springs Metro-park has a nice hill you start off on. You feel like you are in a wind tunnel the first mile you run. I had to take my hat off because the wind was going to do it if I didn't. Danielle said reassuring "Well at least it isn't raining or snowing."
That first mile I thought this already feels tough. Danielle is so sweet she just kept saying "You pick the pace." I thought well this feels OK. But somewhere around mile 2- I decided that's just it. It feels OK. I didn't want OK. I didn't want mediocre, I wanted to push the limits. I wanted to test my legs and lungs. Go for the gusto. Before we approached the 3 mile marker I said to Danielle, "Lets go all out for a mile then bring it down and repeat it." She was in. Quite rapidly we were no longer at a conversation pace. It got real quiet except for our heavy breathing and feet hitting the pavement. The markers were on my right, listing every tenth of a mile. Teasing me, taunting me...As we finished the first 800 meter repeat we were huffing and puffing, I was whining about a side stitch and both of us were trying to keep our breakfast down.
This was good. We had a mile to catch our breaths and to it again. It was awesome to have her next to me. Just her presence in my pain was so encouraging. We stayed next to each other stride for stride, never leaving each other. We didn't talk much when we were running a 7 minute mile other than a occasional "Ugh", "GOOD Job" or shouting out our pace.
We welcomed the lower pace, feeling grateful for its return and amazed at how well we just did.
|Thats what a 7:18 pace looks like!|
Danielle made a statement that went something like this. "It felt so good, I haven't felt that kind of pain in a while." Running through the pain, pushing the limits helps your recognize how much strength you really have. It prepares you for the race. If you never know the feeling of "Pain" then you are going to have a harder time running through it!..No you are not dying, you feel like it, but You are still feeling it, SO RUN!!
"The GOD I believe in is the God of Second chances."
I am not who I was. And be patient with me, HE is not done with me yet.