It is very humbling to not be in control of your body.
I don't think of myself as arrogant. I have nothing to be boastful about. I came from humble beginnings and live very modestly.
When I was about 10 years old I had to do the unthinkable.
We lived in a old school house on Oakhill road at the time. My mom was on a terrible binge. She would lock herself in the room and drink until you thought she was going to pass out, only then she seemed to be just getting started.
It was like she would try and drink everything she had as if she would never have another drink again. The problem with diving in that deep is when you come up you are not so well.
You have to slowly detox from alcohol or you will go through the DT's, convulsing, vomiting, and hallucinating. It is a horror film to watch. My mom was out of money and out of alcohol. All bridges were burnt, therefore, no one was coming to my mothers rescue. There was a older woman who my mother worked for. Eva or Ida, regardless she was a very Godly woman. I humbly had to call her and beg her to go buy and bring back some alcohol for my mother. It was awful. My mom was so sick. I was scared to call Eva but even more scared my mom was going to have a seizure she would not come out of.
She reluctantly went to the local party store for us. When Eva returned she was angry. She handed me a 6 pack and fiercely said "Do NOT ever call me to buy your mother alcohol again!"
I can not remember what I said. I do remember looking at the 6 pack and thinking, "Good Grief, this is a joke, where is the rest!"
I sat for almost an hour and 1/2 waiting for the results of my MRI for my knee. I needed help. I was begging for answers. Sitting for that long didn't matter if they could just give me answers to why I hurt when I ran. I had forgot my MRI disc in the midst of teenage chaos at home. I just wanted a diagnosis. I was fearful I was not going to get one because of my absentmindedness.
When I finally got a room, the Dr came in soon after. He spoke fast, focused and pointed. His words were deliberate. I laid on the table as he continued to ask questions and manipulated my knee in different angles. It felt firm in his hands. He ordered a ex-ray.
"Dr. I just want to RUN. This is what I do, I run, I coach, I train, I blog, Please tell me I can RUN again." I cried.
Within minutes I was getting more pictures of my knee.
I didn't have to wait long as they put the pictures on the screen. Dr. Samani didn't have me wait much longer to get the results of my X-ray.
"Anita, these X-rays are great, you have really good genes." He continued repeating himself, "Has anyone told you that you have great genes, for what you have had done to your knee you have healed remarkably."
He explained what he was looking at adding "You have no arthritis, no degenerative changes and no gaps where you had the screws put in for you ACL cadaver.
I was so small feeling. I felt so helpless as I begged the Dr to tell me good news. I repeated myself again, "Can I run?, please tell me I can RUN."
He said I was not done Running. I would run again.
So, I have to send him my MRI for confirmation.
I have the MRI report but have NO idea what it means.
CAN SOMEONE PLEASE EXPLAIN IT BETTER TO ME!
"The patient has had prior ACL repair. The ACL graft is intact. There is a small amount of fluid/cyst within the tibial tunnel. The posterior Cruciate ligament is intact. There appears to be a thin amount of residue cruciate ligament material anterior to the graft fibers. Negative for arthofibrosis or a Cyclops lesion."
"....There is a small amount of fissuring at the patellar apex. There is increased signal intensity at the midial patellofemoral retinacular complex fibers at their attachment on the medial patella with overlying soft tissue edema. Findings may be related to postsurgical change although a partial thickness tear cannot be completely excluded."
Increases signal intensity at the proximal attachment fibers of the medial patellofemoral retinacular complex on the medial margin of the patella. There is surrounding soft tissue edema. Findings could represent sequel from the prior ACL repair versus a partial-thickness tear. Please correlate with the surgical history.
When the DR explained this all to me, he was positive and encouraging. When I got home to Andy, he was doubtful and concerned. I am not left CONFUSED!
CAN anyone out there explain this last paragragh??
I called Andy and told him my diagnosis. Before I told Andy, He actually guessed it!
As I told Andy that Dr. Samani said I would run again I found myself crying. I was so humbled. I don't deserve to run again, I don't deserve anything in the big picture and yet God believes I do.
I am trying to stay hopeful.
If you can shed some light on this I would LOVE IT. I am humbly asking my readers if we missed something, could you explain!