Aside from running many of you know that I am an adult child of an alcoholic. Only, I am a survivor and my parents are not. Drugs and Alcohol hijacked my parents taking their life both at 52 years old.
Every Tuesday night I facilitate a group of parents, children, siblings, spouses and loved ones in a relationship with an addict/alcoholic.
When new people come into the meeting they are so overcome by a barrage of emotions. They often times can hardly say their name for fear they may have a breakdown.
I look out around the circle of loved ones and can see the heartbreak in their face. Their eyes are glossy, ready to unleash a fountain of pain. Their face is cowered as they have been beat up by emotional abuse. They stir in their seats questioning why they have even come and pray that nobody makes them speak because they have no idea what they are even going to say.
It is heart breaking. And then all I have for them is "You Cannot make them quit."
Addiction Mantra sounds like this:
"Let Go and Let God"
"Learn how to lovingly Detach"
"Seek God for peace, understanding and discernment."
"Remember the 3 C's: You didn't Cause it, You cant Control it and You can't Cure it."
"Keep Coming Back"
I want to give them so much more. I want to offer them a magic solution. But if I had a solution I would still have my parents.
We get so wrapped up in our loved ones that we forget to take care of ourselves. We actually begin to feel guilty for even smiling. We begin to think we should be as miserable as they are. We learn to fake it, putting on a stain glass smile for everyone.
Addiction is miserable. For everyone. It is like cancer in the family,every is involved. It will effect people for years.
Even as loved ones we have certain triggers that can throw us into a tail spin and overtake a good looking day without a second glance.
There is Hope. The hope lies in you. It is learning how to live again. It is removing layers of hurt, disappointments, forgiveness, bitterness one layer at a time.
"Expectations are Premature Resentments"
It is making a conscious choice to start getting yourself healthy and quit putting all your energy into your loved one who has to make their own choices to get healthy.
Everyone has a program to do.
You can not do their recovery for them. They have to do it for themselves.
What you can do is step out of the ring and fight your own battle. Get healthy and you will be able to see a wider picture.
Healthy thinking produces Healthy Action.
But a heart filled with confusion, hurt, anger, resentment, will not produce healthy action.
My prayer for those struggling is that you will have hope in Christ. He give Hopes for a better tomorrow, he gives Peace during an endless night, He gives Wisdom in the midst of Confusion, He gives Light in the Darkness, He gives Healing to the Wounded. And he gives Freedom to those in Bondage to Themselves and others.
Well, I wish I could tell you that this was a great run and put a period on it. The truth is this was a great run until my knee began to ache. Then I took a route that ended up longer than I planned. By the time I got home I could hardly bend my knee. I iced it and took it easy the rest of the day. I actually brought my bike to XC.
I took a little side turn for Running stories in hopes that this may encourage someone. If It helps just one person.....