"Elijah was afraid and RAN for his life..." 1Kings 19:3
This is one of my favorite stories of Victories to Fear. In THAT order!
I have noticed in my running career (I have ran long enough to have a career according to my old friend Jeff) that often after my greatest victories I am overwhelmed with FEAR.
This was the Story of Elijah the prophet. He just under went one of his greatest victories, only to be now running for his life.
He even went as far to ask God to take his life. How does one go from beating their chest in success to hiding in fear under a bush? 1Kings (19:3-5)
I have been under the "broom bush" quite a few times. I'm not RUNNING for my Life, rather I am RUNNING from Life.
When I first started running, a little over 10 years ago, I slowly began to get faster. I didn't know anything about Garmins, BQ-ers, Yasso 800's, or PR"s.
It was fun, the faster I got. Age group awards, first place overall female awards, and multiple top 3 awards.
THEN came the injuries. 2 knee surgeries in a little over 1 year! Both ACL and Meniscus. It didn't end there. A year later, I am in an ambulance for an emergency appendectomy. This isn't even including my 2 bouts with IT band.
I was haunted by my amazing races. I looked at those times, those victories those medals and wanted to RUN..away.
The voices I heard were "You are old and washed up.", "The Glory days are over, be grateful.", "You are not as Strong, not as Fast..."
And my favorite.."People are going to pass you, they are better than you, you used to be the leader, now your the follower."
I listened to the voices of insecurity, defeat, failure...so many voices.
I knew my Victories, like Elijah were not done by my own strength, I gave God all the Glory.
But the pressures of winning, being 1st, being fast was all my mind was tuned to.
I read this quote and it had my name ALL over it. "Winning can be as exhausting as losing. Sometimes the pressure of success can drain you at an even deeper level than the frustration of failure." Steven Furtick
I had to have a "Come to Jesus" meeting. I felt like I was in a boxing ring. I was getting my A$$ kicked by Fear. And I was feeding it. I was allowing it to punch my teeth in. I needed to sit out. The more I listened to my fears, my insecurities, my injuries the harder the battle was to fight. I had given Fear too much Power over me.
I realized rather than feeding fear, I had to feed Courage, I had to get out from under the "Broom Bush" and seek God. I needed to hear HIS voice. I needed His Security and Strength.
"2Timothy 1:7 "For the Spirit of God gave us does NOT make us timid, but gives us Power, Love, and Self-Discipline."
I felt Like the Cowardly Lion, battling fear of failure I was begging God For courage. What I got through great prayer...Not faster times, Not more medals, Not even age awards like I did in the beginning. I got Security. I got the PEACE that passes all understanding. I got a great passion for running. Running became MORE than a pace or a place. It became a Passion.
So the Question is "What voices are You listening to?" "What Battle do you keep fighting?"
Do you wrestle with insecurity? Fear? Failure?
THE RUNDOWN: Monday, I honestly thought I could OUTRUN my cold. I thought that if I RAN, I could Run it out of me! Too bad my 20 mile run was cut in half and I ran to bed.
Still struggling, but much better and incredible stubborn, I laced up my shoes today to run 15 miles. I wanted to run the 15 miles at a sub 9. My Garmin glitched and after 10 minutes of trying to get satellite I gave up and ran with the timer. I have enough routes memorized I could make 15 miles.
The first 5 were tough against the hills. I saw a car load of pastors from our church and from there I found my rhythm. The wind was blasting me. I chuckled as a gust of wind pushed my 100lb body into the road. "EAT a CHEESEBURGER ANITA!" I got myself laughing at my puny body being pushed. The sand blasted my face by the gravel pit and I dug in deeper. I just put my head down and anchored myself forward.
At mile 10, I was smiling, footloose and fancy.
At mile 12, the burn came. I knew I could do it. I looked at my watch. "I got THIS." The closer to home the more I ached. It is so MENTAL. I told myself to get control of my thoughts, I just ran 50 miles, this last mile was NOTHING.
I finished strong, 15 miles, 8:42 pace. I so happy. I met my goal and felt great!
Its so true, the pain of REGRET would be worse than the pain in my body.
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