How many times do you beat yourself up and allow others to beat you up before you just break?
The rain dusted my skin. It was dewy and wet. Tears rested in my eyes begging to flood my cheeks.
I gulped down the emotions. I counseled myself with Gods promises and commands. I rehearsed His words to seek healing and understanding. I found myself lost in my thoughts, unaware of my surroundings or the distance that I traveled.
I prayed, I questioned and I wiped the tears that escaped my eyes.
I wasn't created to break. I wasn't created to give up or even give in. I am not a Victim or a Martyr.
I am a OVERCOMER.
It is going to be a good day if you LIKE me and it is going to be a Good day if you don't.
It isn't about Anita. Its not the Anita show.
As I ran I spoke to myself. "Anita, You cant get offended, You can't be hurt, You have to accept the apology your never going to get. You have to Depart from Evil and do Good'..'Put away all clamor, malice,bitterness....'
'Turn your cheek and forgive 70X's 7'..'Think on those things that are KIND, JUST, PURE, of Good REPORE...' 'Love is PATIENT Love is Kind..Love doesn't keep a Record of Wrongs...'
Let it Go Anita, It is not ABOUT YOU. But God, I am HURT...But Anita, I heal you, I love you, I comfort you, and I need you to please ME...I need you to DIE to SELF and Overcome yourself."
What do people do that can not RUN? I could feel God trying to soften my heart.
We get so offended so easy. It is EXHAUSTING. To live ticked off at people, to look for another reason to be mad at someone.
Its just not worth it. I don't want to live angry, always hurt, offended or insecure. That is SOO much work and not fair to the loved ones around me. It is exhausting enough trying to fix myself, I make a lot of mistakes, I can see when people roll their eyes at me, I can hear the knot head words purge out of my mouth in the middle of intense emotion. I have a full time job working on myself. That alone is exhausting!
I am so grateful that God has mended my heart, allowing me to see outside of myself.
All that running today, I made a BIG Decision. I BIT the BULLET!
I REGISTERED FOR ANOTHER ULTRA!!
I have been getting up between 5 and 6am to get my running in so it doesn't interfere with my kids.
I juggled between the 50K and the 50M. I went for it, the 50M. "Fritz" tried to talk me into the 100K. That wasn't an option even entertained, not because it doesn't sound like fun, but because I am not in the season of life to commit to training those hours. Ok, and yes..That is really stinking scary. It is on the bucket list though Fritz!
Today I ran 15 miles. Next week I shall start picking up not just my long run but also adding miles to the week.
If I don't get my mind cleared out I may turn my 50M into a 100K!
Races I am Registered for:
- Detroit Full Marathon October 18th
- Woodstock 50M Sept 12th
- Disney Goofy Challenge (Half Marathon and Marathon) January 9th & 10th
Well, one of the best ways to find JOY is to love on others. I am so blessed for the amamzing relationships God has given me.