Laughter, good Medicine

          "Even in laughter the heart may be in pain, And the end of joy may be grief." Proverbs 14:13

Andy was still home while I was getting ready to run. Usually, I am home alone, but now I had to hear him jawing with me.
"NITA, I forbid you to run..." Andy said trying to be all dominating.
I just do my typical head tilt and giggle.
"REALLY ANDY, your so funny."
"NO Seriously, you are just getting over being sick, you are not running outside today." Andy says without a facial movement.
I laugh louder as I am slipping my 2nd layer on.
Its cute that after 21 years of marriage he still thinks this bullying tactic is going to work. I grew up with a single mom in a trailer park, bullying me is not effective. It makes me giggle.
Andy knows this. I think he just acts this out every once in a while to see if I have changed. NOPE, I am the same feisty, stubborn gal he has known since we were 15. Just a little more polished.

I still had some residual effects from being so sick yesterday but it was nothing a couple Tylenol and a strong cup of coffee couldn't cure.
The best cure at this point was for me to get out, enjoy the sun, laughter with the girls and RUN the trails.

We met at Holdridge. We had the location down, only we didn't know which trail we wanted to run.
Still uncertain we ended up on the West Loop.
The West loop is only about 4 miles. If you add the Tech loop you can make it 5 miles. This loop is not as technical as the East Loop and it is really much prettier in my opinion.
It is a fun loop, we decided to do it twice and add the Turtle loop.
Between all these loops we ended up with about 11miles.
The ruts were pretty nasty in several areas. The Technical loop was the smoothest and most fun. The trail had a lot of VERY large trees down. When I was a kid my mom always called me a monkey. I see these massive trees down and I want to climb them.
I haven't seen 10 years old in over 33 years but I am a 10 year old at heart. I took off my gloves, dropped my water bottle and I scurried up the tree until I realized how high I was, then I scooted the rest of the way. I wanted to go farther but I didn't think the girls were going to catch me if I fell.

Apparently I didn't take off my gloves according to this picture..I swear I did. Airhead Anita moment #236

The tree climbing was just the beginning. We found the lake and somehow ended up tip toeing on creaking ice towards its center. Again, I found a tree stretched way out in the water. I grabbed a hold of it like it was going to save me if I fell in. I made it about 30 feet out. Kris and I giddy with adrenaline, plopped on the ice and made snow angels.

Todays run, wasn't our fastest, it wasn't our hardest, but it was one of our funniest.

At one point, I shared a massive burden with them. Even through my joy, my laughter, my giggling, my heart still pains. The girls stopped our run, circled me, all holding one another, they prayed over me.
The earth went still. Not even a breeze whispered. Not a branch snapped or a leaf dropped. There was no bird that flew over head, the clouds didn't even move. The sun shone directly  over us keeping us oddly warm. The air that surrounded us was even pleasant. It was the "Peace that passes all understanding." We felt His Love.

Running with these girls is so fun. It might not be a training run I should be running, but it is a run I love, one that I am not willing to trade for Yasso 800's or a tempo run.

Someone left us a little love in the parking lot....Secret admirer?

I left this run smiling for hours...but there was still pain.
I had a funeral this afternoon. One of the ladies I do youth group with. 61 years old. High energy, healthy and full of life and smiles. She had 3 children, 2 of them I was their leader at church.
So sad.
She is in a beautiful place. I have peace knowing she is in Heaven. I am blessed to know her. Such an amazing lady.

RUNDOWN
Distance: 11 miles
Pace:12:05

          "Even in laughter the heart may be in pain, And the end of joy may be grief."         

Remember, whatever you are going through, Find joy. It doesn't discount your hurt, your pain, it just helps you manage it and it not manage you.

Finishing my night with Tea Time. A friend of mine gave me this Wild Sweet Orange, Tazo. I have enjoyed them so much I bought a box. Perfect tea to end a good day.

Anita~

Rest.

NO RUN DAY today.

For weeks, I have been coughed on and breathed all over. My clients have come into my work sick, co workers have been sick, it was just a matter of time that I was going to get it.
Woman will not miss a hair appointment to matter how sick they are. And they all have the same line "OH, its just a head cold, I'm not contagious."

By 3pm yesterday, I had sneezed more times than I have fingers and my nose was sore from blowing it a gazillion times.

I still had to work till 5:30 and Austin had a basketball game at Kearsley High School.

I got home with enough time to make a Valentines sign for Austin. But I was going down fast.
I was not going to miss Austins Game. No way.

The game had started early, I missed the first 3 minutes.
There was no energy to even be disappointed. The chills started. My belly was raging with deep stabbing pains.
AND yet, there is no place I would rather be then in the bleachers watching Boy Wonder.

I mustered a smile for Austin..But I was going down.

I canceled on  Jeff when I got home. I knew I was getting worse.

And I did.

I didn't crawl out of bed until after 1pm. I laid in a pile of drool and sweaty sheets. GROSS.
I drug my body to the tub with some Epson Salt then headed to the tea kettle.

No matter how sick a mom is, things have got to get down. I stripped the sheets waiting for my bath to fill and whined at the thought I couldn't run.

I honestly thought after a cup of green tea and a bath I would feel like a run.
But I didn't.

It was a day of rest.
The word got out that I was sick.
I was very blessed by all the calls and text messages I  received. Thank YOU everyone.

"TYLER" was one of my favorites. I was his coach for XC. He still checks in with me every once in a while.
He made my day. Such a great kid.

SOO, Gonna head to bed early, prayerfully. Hoping to see Kris and Rachel tomorrow on the trails! I love my girls!

OH yeah....
So. I have had a tough week. Emotionally a complete catastrophe. There is a lot to be said about being sad. This sadness that came over me from an ongoing situation that is out of my control took a toll on me.
It was another reminder how important it is to not stay in the "Pit" too long.

A dear friend of mine gave me these scriptures:

"Peace I leave you: my peace I give you. I do not give you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." John 14:27

I am so blessed by a great crew of love and support. I was still today. Home to recover both physically and emotionally. I was right where God wanted me to be.


Anita~

MEH.

Just the thought of waking up to the sunshine makes me smile all over.

I didn't think I did any damage to my body on yesterdays long run.

But you would have thought I had ran a marathon at a BQ-ing pace the way my body responded on my run today.

I knew my run with Danielle was going to be special for multiple reasons. The sun started my day. As I was almost into Kensington Metro park Lacey called and she called as a half dozen deer came out in front of my truck. 3 of them turned back into the woods where they came from. I put Lacey on speaker phone as I snapped pictures. I love chatting with my friends and I LOVE seeing deer. 2 awesome moments as I headed to another adventure with Danielle.

Danielle suggested we run the loop backwards.

It didn't matter how sunny, how many deer, how awesome my company was, I was so fatigued.

Danielle was so gracious with my recovery run.

I hadn't felt this bad on a run in a long time. I had a million reasons why and I am sure they all played a part.
Distance: 9miles
Pace: 9:15.

I write. I try to dissect my thoughts.

The crappy part about being so "high energy" is when your not "HIGH".
YOU are LOW.

I will come out of this. But it has a hold on me. I will smile if I see you, laugh even. You may never detect it.
But I am seriously struggling. Tears are welling up, my heart is beating all over.
Its a pit.
darkness.
confusion.
emotional hauntings.
I want to escape for just a few days. I need to be away from even myself. I scare even myself. I don't recognize me. Its a constant anxiety attack.

Tomorrow is a new day. I am on day 3 of this pit. Hoping tomorrow will be better.

Anita

Waiting for the Sunshine.

The Weather Bug said the SUN would be out by 1pm.

I picked Lacey up for our Sunday Runday at 12:30. I couldn't see any place that the sun looked like she might pop out.
Honestly, it was hard to see anything with the drizzle spitting at us as we ran through downtown Holly.
It was another dreary day in Michigan.

I wasn't giving up hope quite yet.

Lacey and I have major problems running the same route over and over. I don't think we have to worry too much about a bad guy knowing our route, most of the time we don't even know our own route!

We decided to run to Seven Lakes State Park and get the majority of our 15 miles on the road. The very hilly road.

Somewhere at mile 9, Lacey says "Sooo, where is that SUNSHINE you said we were getting...."

I still saw no glimpses of the bright yellow ball that brings such happiness and joy to my heart.
I saw gray skies, dark blue in some corners with more snotty rain.

BUT ONE thing I DIDN'T see..Was The WIND! We made just the right turn when this gust of wind just about pummeled both of our pipsqueak frames.

It quickly emptied my tank. I dropped my head to keep my hat from flying off and grunted in discouragement.

The rest of our run was trying to find a way back home with the least resistance.
The park had left us damaged goods.

Our main goal, other than finishing our long, was to maintain a very steady pace, as close to 9min/mi as we could.
Lacey had already reminded me to slow down multiple times. But on the backside of our run I was no longer pushing the pace.

RUNDOWN:
Distance:15.1
Pace:8.50

1. 8:57
2. 8:48
3. 8:36
4. 8:57
5. 8:57
6. 8:55
7. 8:54
8. 8:45
9. 8:47
10. 8:55
11. 8:45
12. 8:54
13. 8:58
14. 8:45
15. 8:41

Misc: I stole Andys brand new water bottle I bought him for Christmas. For nutrition we shared a bag Sport Beans. We had the unexpected surprise of chewing on a very old pack. They tasted toxic. I was able to keep the first 3 down. The following break for nutrition did not go so good. The smooshed beans sat in my mouth for almost 2 miles. I tried to drink the bean down but it rested in the roof of my mouth until I couldn't stomach it any longer. I spit it out with great pleasure. It was a better alternative to run fatigued then to run wanting to barf.

Stale Sports Beans make one ugly faced!

The SUN...showed up as we hit our Garmins to FINISH RUN!


My thoughts...
I think when I shouldn't.
When I should think I don't.
I think about things I shouldn't.
And the very things I should be thinking about I don't.

Let even Church Day be no different. Today, I could feel myself hiding behind the darkness. I was literally hidden from the light. From running in the shadows of dark skies to moving through my day in the shadows of sadness, it was all the same.
One of those days, people words beat me up the wind on my run. It hurts. No matter what direction you run you know those words, so powerful are just waiting to push you back, push you harder in the shadows of sadness.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. Phil 4:8

I had to find my own Sunshine. That meant I had to change chapters in my heart. I had to think on things that were KIND, JUST, Of Good REPORE... I had to remind myself I AM NOT who you may think I am. I am WHO HE sees me.
That is broken.
Imperfect.
But still, Fearfully and Wonderfully Made...

Anita~

Snow, Slick and Suck.

I'm reaching my threshold.  I am almost at maximum tolerance for winter.

• I am over layers upon layers of clothing.
• Depressed about constant dry itchy skin that stays lubricated, unnoticed.
• I am now the palest Mexican you have ever seen.
• My dog is getting chubby from lack of exercise.
• Spring clothes are coming out but I can't wear them for weeks so why bother shopping or looking.

On a good note,

• February is only 28 days!
• I have tried some wonderful new teas this winter.
• February is broke up by Ground Hogs day, Paczki Day and Valentines Day.
• And we booked at cruise!

But in the meantime, back in Holly, Michigan, I am still running in freezing cold temps, slip sliding everywhere, dressed like a chubby bunny in multi layers, and whining continuously.

My poor nose is raw, my ankle is jacked from running in Kahtoolas in crunchy snow and I haven't shaved my legs in 2 days because it doesn't even matter!

OOPS..I'm whining again. Sorry.

POSITIVITY..Yes. ok.

SUNDAY, RUNDAY, FUNDAY.

Lacey and I follow a intermediate training plan for our marathon training program. This is like my 12th marathon, could be my 13, I don't know. But I really don't follow anything but whatever Lacey says to do on Sundays.
My favorite plan to follow is the one that I don't get injured!
Lacey and I had made our weekend plans weeks ago. We decided to go to church Saturday night and run Sunday morning.
Only one thing we didn't plan. Pizza Guy joining us. It was a last minute add-on. Lacey wanted to change up our running location and Pizza Guy found out we were running by his house near the Polly Ann Trail.
He texted me asking why I didn't invite him. In my defense, I thought he worked, and he did but not until 1pm.
Ok, one more thing I didn't plan. In my little pea brain head, I thought we were running on paved, cleared trails. OH NO, not the case. Pizza Guy had his Kahtoolas on. The trail had about 4 inches of distorted snow. The snow was trampled on, some fluffy, some hard but all of it made me want to redirect our route... to Florida!
"14 miles in this..." No one was complaining, I had to just suck it up. I keep my Kahtoolas in my truck. I clumsily slipped them on.
Lacey felt really comfortable meeting Pizza Guy  for the first time as she jumped off the trail for a little girl break.
I secretly laughed about this for several miles. In the time I have ran with Pizza Guy, I NEVER squatted. Not to say that I didn't pee may pants though...Only because I was holding it!

RUNDOWN:

Polly Ann Trail.
Distance: 14 miles
This run was not our traditional 9min/mi. It was actually more like a 10min/mi. This was a tough run. I was actually really happy our pace was what it was. It felt like we were going a lot slower. We hit a couple dirt roads. The back roads felt like pure love to my legs and my feet as we were able to pick up the pace effortlessly.

MONDAY RUNDAY.
I thought it was going to be warmer than 18' when I met Danielle at 8:05 this morning. We met in the middle, Linden, Clover Beach. For our standard 8 miler.
I was a bit beat up from Sundays run. I knew once I got moving I would be fine. Danielle is so sweet. She is a running rockstar these days. But a very gracious one. She is very kind to my broken body on Mondays. It has become a recovery run.
Like Sunday, I let Danielle pick our route. Danielle is really good at numbers and routes.

We began running on Whittaker Rd.  I was NO where NEAR warmed up when we started heading up the half mile hill, know as The Widowmaker, .66 to be exact, I may have measured it.
That first hill is less than a mile into our run, stupid hill just about put my aching booty out of commission. The snowy runs have brought my Periformis issue out of hiding.
Danielle picked every subdivision off Whittaker Rd and I think we ran every road in them to stay off the icy back roads.
It was so nice. Not to mention she picked a perfect 8 mile route. She really is good at the whole routing thing.
We finished running with a bright blue sky and warmer temps. It was so nice. I didn't want to let her go. I talked her into walking around the beach to "Cool Down". It was nice to chat and have breath.
RUNDOWN:
Distance:8miles
Pace: 8:50
As we headed to our cars all I could think about was Tim Hortons COFFEE.

Took this selfie for Andy to make him Jealous,totally forgot to send it to him..BA HA

Such a good afternoon. I made soup for my husbands Maw Maw. I took it over to her and visited with her. "Cali" LOVES me. She hopped on my lap and wouldn't get down. I could feel her purring. I secretly like cats. SHHH.

Reminders to take time to visit loved ones. Your presence is the best Present.

Anita~

The crazy girl cries!

This past Saturday, I was driving into work. Like most mornings, I was chipper and ready to knock the day out behind the chair making my clients look beautiful and feel amazing.
The sun was shining and all was well.
BUT THEN...I had this ridiculous thought...
I had been having soo many back to back good days. Life wasn't perfect but I spent most of them giddy and goofy.
"HMM...I haven't cried in weeks." I racked my brain to think of the last time I had a tear shed. I couldn't remember. Not the tears I shed at church, or during a sad story, the crazy emotional tears.
I couldn't remember.

I think I jinxed myself. I was crying just 2 hours later. I have now cried this week multiple times.

Today, we came out of the trail and BOOM! Tears streamed down my eyes. Then I got angry, more tears came. Kris wrapped her arms around me in prayer and I cried MORE.

MAKE IT STOP.

Let me say this.
Yes, I am a little bit crazy.
Yes, I am a little bit emotional.
Yes, I am a little bit of a hot mess.

Maybe I am PMS-ing.
Maybe I didn't have enough chocolate for the week.
Maybe I am going through a midlife emotional rollercoaster.
Hormones?
Heartache?
I need a HUG?
WHO KNOWS!

Good luck trying to figure out my irrational mood swings.
Sometimes a girl just needs a good cry, or two, or three...
One of my favorite songs...Janis Joplin CRY BABY.  Janis can really stir up a girls spontaneous tears. It is the perfect invitation to a good Ole Fashion SOB FEST! You don't need any reason to cry, her songs bring out your tortured passion. Welcoming it. Embracing it. She brings out my alter egos. Anita, the secret hippie chick.

 AND Just like that. I wipe my tears, I breathe, and I jump in the fluffy snow to make a snow angel.
Time to build a bridge and get over it.

Rundown.
Distance: 10.6
Kris, Rachel and I were trudging through the trails. I was wearing my Kahtoolas, kicking up snow. Although these offered security running, I was whipped and winded. The fresh snow was putting me in the hurt locker. The trails were beautiful. A fresh snow capped the limbs and rested gently across the woods. But don't confuse her beauty with innocence.
The trees were howling, whistling and squeaking. We jumped, looked around waiting for a tree to topple on us and ran a little faster.

SNOW ANGELS MAKE YOU SMILE!

Anita~

Pursue Dream Fail

This evening, I was at a bible study with young ladies and heard my phone vibrating. As discretely as I could, I pulled my flimsy cotton handbag unto my lap. Quietly, I reached inside to notice I had missed several messages.

But one caught my eye.

It was from Claudia.

All it showed was "My running blog for today...."

Trying not to get to distracted, (which is a very difficult task for me) I was excited to get home to read it.

I have read this many times. But I was enticed to read it yet again.

An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. “A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy.

“It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.” He continued, “The other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you – and inside every other person, too.”

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”

The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”

Claudia shared some good wisdom and even better reminders. I needed to read this.

One of my biggest enemies is myself. My thoughts, my insecurities, my failures, my fears, my heartaches. I can do more damage to myself then my biggest adversary.

Its that stinking thinking.

If I am not intentional, I can feed negative thoughts, allowing them to camp in my head.

This has been a rough several days. Desperately, I am trying NOT to feed into negative thinking.

Anger, confusion, hurt, to name a few, slowly erodes my joy and peace leaving me depressed. An emotion that I am not real familiar with.

Gratitude.

After the ladies bible study, the group likes for each person to go around and say one thing good.

I had so many..

1. I slept through the night, waking up at 6am.
2. I met Jeff at the gym for a great run and lots of laughs.
3. I got a new garage door and love the fact I can pay cash for it and still eat!
4. I was honored that Leonie invites me to this young ladies bible study,thinking I have some wisdom to add to the meeting.

But the one I shared..."I was so excited to get 3 bathrooms cleaned in under an hour!"

It's the little things! If you can't find Gratitude in the LITTLE THINGS, how do you see it in the BIG THINGS?

RUNDOWN:

Distance: 7.30

(6.25 mile progressive run, Jeff and I hit the track for 1 lap walk, 1 mile easy jog, NO strides, we both had leg issues today)

Jeff had a fun old man laugh at me today. He had us doing these abs where you hang your arms in stir-ups then dangling from the ground you lift your legs toward your chest. I could do those, but then the last set he decided to change it up. This time you had to lift your knees to your chest THEN straighten your legs into about a 45' angle. Never letting them dangle, but immediately bringing your knees  back to your chest, for 8 times.

So I stepped my 5'1 frame unto the bench. I reached my arms through the holsters, grabbing on to the above connecting pieces of fabric. I pulled my body up, my feet dangling as I brought my knees up, except, I couldn't get my legs to go straight. My legs were kicking and shaking as I tried to duplicate Jeff's smooth motion.

I got so tickled. I cracking up, Jeff was gloating at the fact he was so much better at it then I was. I took a deep breath "I got THIS.." But I didn't! Again, my legs were flailing in the air. I couldn't get the angle right, Heck, I couldn't even get any angle. Jeff was calling me names, I was laughing so loud at my inability to do this move that people were now watching me.

"OK, OK, JEFF, I just need to be serious, SHH...."

And I did the most pathetic looking leg lift I could.

"HEY! How was that?" I giggled to Jeff.

That was the biggest candy a$$ looking lift...."

"WHAT? Forget it, I am DONE, these are STUPID, I am doing them the normal way!" I barked as I did 10 reps the normal way.

I have known Jeff for about 10 years. He always makes me laugh. Today, as we "JOGGED" around the track for a mile he says "You know what a good running partner is?"

I was afraid to ask. I thought it was a trick question. I have never been good at POP Quizzes.

"A good running partner should be fun, someone that makes running fun, You make running fun, I couldn't run with you everyday though..." 

I smiled.

I LOVE running, and I love being goofy, silly, slightly immature but being ME.

Today I fed gratitude, friendships and positivity.

Jeff's Wisdom: PURSUE: DREAM: FAIL

Jeff told me his wife, Barb has always allowed him to do these 3 things. It really struck me in the heart.

When I left the gym I texted Andy those 3 words.

He was confused.

I called him to thank him for being that husband to me.

20 years of marriage hasn't always been peachy keen and Jim Dandy with me. But HE has always allowed me to do those things.

Even this 100M race in October. He SAYS he wont support me because he thinks it is outrageous, and I totally agree...But deep down, I know he will.

I am way MORE scared. Heading into unchartered territories, CLUELESS.

HAPPY thoughts...Happy Thoughts!

Anita