This week has been a tough week for being a mother. Raising teens is not for the weak.
Monday I found myself running 7 miles with less than 24 hours from running my marathon. I was really battling a good attitude.
I did get a post race massage. What my run couldn't do, Holly's hands did. I literally fell asleep. I could feel my shoulders relax and turn into silly putty.
Tuesday I woke up early to make steak and eggs for the boys. My morning went to Hell in a hand basket. Again I pulled all the positive, grateful mantra but nothing was working. I had a little break and went home to put myself in time out. I needed to reflect, recover and regroup.
It took the edge off but I was totally not myself.
Today, a new day, a new spirit. Directly after dropping Alec off I left the house to run. Maybe I wasn't running hard enough. I needed to sweat, I needed to hurt, I needed to loose my breath.
The sky was spitting when I walked out the door. Minutes later I could hear the rain nailing my windbreaker. I smiled. THIS IS WHAT I NEEDED.
Holly High school put in a trail that circles the perimeter of the school. I decided to check it out.
Entering the school property I could feel myself falling in love with the rain hitting me in the face. The trail was smooth and wide. Trees lined both side with curves, large rocks and mud, lots of mud. The leaves gave me friction to catch myself from a slip and slide. It was stunning, the large mature trees with the leaves scattered. The smell was similar to something out of bath and body works. I was bummed it was only a mile and a half long. I took the dirt road back home. I got 5.5 miles rain, mud and sweat in.
But when Lacey called to run a little while later...Yup, I ran again with her!
7.5 miles total today.
There is something magical about going for a run and feeling your broken world just fall back into place. My thinking changed. My outlook on dynamics changed. I was no longer stuck on stupid. I found myself thinking more of others and less of me.
When the rain fell on my cheeks I could feel unwanted emotions washing away. I embraced the cool wet drops against my bare skin. The mud even came welcomed. The dirt was still cleaner than the pain that had surfaced in my head. My mind was a muddy mess. I finished in love. I finished cleaned, recovered.