"Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is Gods's will for you in Christ Jesus."
Andy came and sat in on my Tuesday family recovery meeting. This was the first time in YEARS he attended with me.
I was curious how the group would welcome him and nervous on how Andy would do. After all, Andy was the "ADDICT" in my life. All circumstances are described differently amounst one another.
"Andy, what did Anita do? Why didn't you relapse?"
It is surreal to sit next to your husband and hear him talk about you in third person.
"Anita, never said anything about me not working for 3 months. She allowed me to work my recovery. I went to a meeting in the morning and often another meeting in the evening. She kept the kids quiet while I was working my recovery...."
I listened to him talk. I looked at him. 6'2, tall, slender. He was dressed in a pair of pressed Dockers, button down shirt, with his legs crossed in a very business like manner. His hair was perfect with his trimmed beard and perfect posture.
Did these people believe this same man was a drug addict? Could they even believe he was a dope shooting, potty mouthed drug feign?
Was I everything he said I was? I remember that wife, I also remember the resentments. The overflowing tears.
"BUT Andy, How did you know she would leave you if you relapsed?"
Andy chuckled, "Because of the way Anita grew up. Anita wouldn't leave me, but she made it clear that I would have to pack my stuff and leave."
I set the boundaries very early and very clear. I grew up from nothing, I came from NOTHING and come hell of high water I would loose everything before I lived that life of chaos again. You can have my car, you can have my house, I know how to live with nothing.
Material things are just that. Material. Don't get me wrong, I like my things, but not enough to ENABLE addiction. Not enough to trade in my peace, my sanity or subject my children around it.
Addiction is full of judgment. Andy shared his sister Kim, Aunt Lois and mom and day as key players in his sobriety. I was like a mother hen. Ready to take anyone out that hurt him. Family can be full of judgments. It was very difficult. We learned a lot.
But we both live life Giving Thanks to God for carrying us through it. I don't believe it was in the Lords for Andy to use, But I do believe it was in His will that we seek him for recovery and healing.
Just a few thoughts I wanted to pen.