There have been several meets I have watched Austin run pass me on the course and he looks like he is off daydreaming. He looks like he is just phoning it in.
Last week, he mentioned that he was burnt out, ready for the season to be done. He has his head ready to run the basketball courts.
It pains me to watch him go all mediocre.
He was "OK" with not pushing harder, trying more.
It was me that was not.
He even said "Mom, I am about 20% IN for next year."
Rip my heart out and push puree.
SO Yesterday was his last meet. I had no idea what to expect. I told him to "RUN till you PUKE"
The meet was massive, there had to be over a dozen schools there. From Okemos to Linden.
Austin toed up with some where around 100 runners. It was freezing, he wore his compression top, not his singlet. I had my finger on the START button waiting for the gun to go off.
"Come on Austin, Run, RUN with everything." I thought wishing he could hear my head speaking.
"Please God, Please give him strength, give him speed, Please God.."
"GO Harless, GO!" I shouted
I ran to the first place on the course to see him. They were like ants all on top of one another. It was crazy all the kids all clustered together. They flew past but I couldn't find Austin. Then one of his teammates passed who is slower. I felt dread in my stomach.
"Where was Austin?"
"What happened to him?"
"Is he OK? Did he trip? get spiked..?
"He should have been here..."
I quickly ran to the next place to locate him. I was tripping over my feet, I had to hurry or I would miss him.
Here they came, the first runner had a large lead, the second runner even had a larger lead.
I saw the pack through the wooded trail.
There he was, I forgot he wasn't wearing his singlet.
"WOW, he was doing great!" I chatted with myself. He was up there.
"That's it Harless, GO, GO, Turn em' over."
I could see it. I could see the difference in his eyes, in his body. Today, was his day.
I raced to the next place. Here he came, he was holding his own. "Everything, EVERYTHING Austin, GOOO." I screamed with excitement.
I looked at the time, He was doing good. 17:38.
I ran to the FINISH line. I located the FINISH, I tried to calculate how long he would take from where I was until he crossed the line.
Time was ticking, where was he at?
I saw the pack through the trees. My eyes darted looking for my tall blond son.
THERE he was. I started screaming confidently.
"HARLESS, Everything, GO, Turn it up, Turn it over!"
I could hear Coach Brinker screaming intensely right beside me.
Without taking my eyes off him, I turned around chasing him down the sideline, "GO, GO, Don't Stop!"
I watched him pick it up and pass 2 runners.
He was in the finishing chute.
I wanted to pick him up like the first time he rode a bike.
I had to wait. I watched them hand him a medal.
Austin gives me so much grace. Most moms do not come near their kids after a race. Austin is so kind to me. I wrapped my hands around his sweaty neck "I am so proud of you."
At that time, I didn't know what his time was. I honestly didn't care. It meant more to me that he gave all HEART.
He had a small PR.
He finished his last race of the season good, but he was not pleased.
"Mom, I wanted to break 19."
"Sorry son, that was something you should have worked on, you finished with a PR, take that victory and rest on that."
"I should have worked harder, I just didn't work hard this season."
Everything Austin told me, I already knew. As a mother, I have learned I can not put the pressure on him. I don't want Austin to resent me, I want him to WANT it for HIM, not me.
"Next year, I am going for a sub 19, a sub 18, I want the season to be here already."
He phoned in the season weeks ago. He had a minor injury but he gave up. He quit doing the work, he did the minimal, and he was fine with the bland results.
He pulled out that goal time at the last minute. He bit down on determination and in the heat of it fell in love all over again. The Pain showed Progress. The Grit gave way to craving Victory.
He felt more confident in himself, but his body was not prepared for what his heart was seeking. It was too late.
Rather than leaving defeated he was finishing revived. He was talking about times, goals and plans for next season.
This was the Austin I wanted to hear. He wanted IT. He knew he had it in him, He just had to work for it, and work HARD.
Lesson for ME:
This morning I ran 8 miles with Danielle. It was my longest run post Freep Marathon. We ran moderately.
It felt good to plan out our next races. Danielle talked to me about the next ones she was doing, while I told her I know I need to back it down.
The lesson is in Planning. Making Goals. Seriously, making Goals and aiming to achieve them.
On The Calender:
*November 9th- Clarkston Backroads- Not racing, just pacing at about a 9 minute pace.
*Dec.1st I am going sign up for Bayshore Marathon This is the spring of 2015.
That's the Calendar as of now.
What Races are You RUNNING?? Anyone Running these??
ALSO...Sunday is New York City Marathon. I am going to miss this one. There are some incredible U.S. Ladies going to be out there, Who Do you Have YOUR MONEY ON???
or maybe even secretly training...Sara Hall..