Dream on: BoyWonder

My college son is home for the summer. He is a crazy Boy that Austin.
When he came home from college he had a couple goals.

1. To "Get Lean" run over the summer, run a bit
2. Work, A lot. 

He has been working a lot but the running, not so much. 

A few days ago I asked him if he would run "Wings of Mercy" 5k with me. I HATE 5K's. I never catch my breath, constantly feeling like I am going to keel over and die. 

He said "NO". 

I wasn't that surprised. But I am the continual optimist. I always keep a little HOPE in my pocket. 

***********

It was a beautiful day to hit the trails. We had a huge group come out to play, about 8 of us. 

I had it in my mind that I was only running 2 loops, 12miles. 

Then I had a brain fart, I needed 3 loops. Mohican wasn't for another 10 days, not quite time to taper for my 50 miler. 

We were hitting our 6 miles (1 loops) at about an hour and 15 minutes. This is about our average.

With 2 miles to go, I heard my phone make its goofy "KERPLOP" sound notifying me that I had a message. 

I checked my Garmin and saw a message from Boy Wonder. 

"Guess what I am about to do?"

I responded "Do I dare ask? lol" 

The last time I asked this he was with his friend doing back flips off a 20ft bridge. 

I sent him a couple selfies and texted "Just finishing up my 18 miler"

And then I got this...

"I'm about to go run!! Two miles baby haha"

He finished it up saying he might just run that 5k with me!

THROW UP:

I got home and Austin was laughing and telling me about his 2 miler. "MOM, I almost puked....I kept dry heaving..."

I love that kid. He doesn't doing anything mediocre. 

Run till you are dry heaving? 

NO REGRETS: 

The biggest risk we can take in life is NOT taking one! 

I smiled knowing Austin was trying to meet his goals. Austin is a meat heat. He hits the gym 7 days a week. He eats great and takes great care of himself. But running is out of the box for him. He used to run and was pretty good at it. 

He set goals.

He got uncomfortable. 

And he put one foot in front of itself. 

OUR MIND IS THE BEGINNING OF OUR DREAMS. 

"The decisions we make control us much more than the conditions we meet"

Dream BIG, Dream small...But don't stop a DREAMING. 

Then make intentional efforts and choices to strive towards those dreams. 

And remember Don't let Others Kill Your Dreams. 

As a mom, I get so excited to watch my boys have goals, grit and get after it. I want them to work hard for greatness. Greatness isn't a destination, its a journey. 

Its not delivered, it is earned. 

It isn't material, it is interpersonal.

Anita!

Nothingness

Ever have those days you feel like you have nothing left? Days that even a smile feels out of grasp. Your tired, your beat up and even a bit discouraged.

I have those days.

Running is such a great illustration for being beat up, worn out and overall discouraged.

I have these days when everyone around me appear to be pumped full of sunshine.
Days my running partners are all rock stars. They are running like gazelles and I am in the back panting like a dying dog and running like Yertle the Turtle.

My training has me running 20 miles all the while I am running out of gas to even turn my engine over.

But I press on. With all I have and sometimes that is Nothing at all.

This is not a blog that I post to advertise my miles I run or the pace that I run or even the races I have accomplished.
It is designed to share my Nothingness.

To show my transparency, my Love to the Lord for making me, a nobody, a somebody to HIM.
Allowing Him to use me through my running to just encourage one person.

Yesterday morning at church they sang all the old hymns.
"Amazing Grace...how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me..."
I came into church smiling and within minutes my heart was bleeding.
It was just moments when I caught my breath and balanced my emotions when the next song echoed.
"How Great is our God..Sing with me...how Great is our God...."
I felt myself getting angry. I wanted to be happy. I wanted to smile and my heart trembled with tears. We sang this over and over when Ariel was alive. It was our camp song, out ministry song, it was the popular song when we were together. Summer camps and retreats they always played this. Ariel would be next to me with Mo beside her, best friends.
But Ariel is not with me any longer. But what I have left is what I sowed in her. I gave her all of me and in return I have her memories, her words, her love. I had NOTHING to Give her but my LOVE.
The same for my mother. I had NOTHING to give her but my LOVE.

Nothing. I had nothing left in me. But....
LOVE.  In my tears I had LOVE. In my sadness I had Love. My bleeding heart was pierced with LOVE.
I have NOTHING to great to give anyone, I have NOTHING amazing to share. But I have sweet sweet memories of LOVE.

Galatians 6:3 "For if anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself. 4. But each one must examine his own work, and then he will have reason for boasting in regard to himself alone and not in regard to another." 

At the end of the day people aren't going to remember how many miles I run, how many age awards I receive or what races I have ran. These all mean NOTHING.
But they will remember how I LOVED them. They will remember how I treated them.

I am Nothing, not because I think I am something. Because trust me..I know I am just a little fish in a big pond. I rest in the shadowlands of greatness.

Examine your own work: It doesn't matter what others do or do not do. Be inspired by others. This is always a tough one.
Today, I found my place in the back. I ran behind the others. I watched as they ran freely
through the trees, the breeze flowing through the woods, perfect, majestic.
I reminded myself to keep my eyes in front of ME. Focus on my running, my breathing. To stay strong for myself. Do my best for ME.
I thought this is how life is. We have to do our best because it is the right thing to do, not because others are or are not doing that.

THE CATS out of the BAG: 
I haven't made this announcement yet....BUT here GOES...
LACEY kept a big secret this past week. She snuck to Traverse City and ran Bayshore Marathon.
She was hoping to qualify for Boston but didn't want me to know. She didn't want the pressure.

AND SHE DID!!
This is all she has been wanting for 2 years. For  both of us to run Boston together. I am sooo proud of her.
The week she ran Boston, 5 weeks ago and didn't qualify she was broken. Discouraged, sad, angry and a barrage of emotions. I was scheduled to run that following week, Glass City.
She called me the day after her Marathon and told me "YOU run that marathon, and you run FAST..."
She still wanting me to give my all. She wanted me to do my best for ME. Not for her, Not for any other reason but because that is what I trained so hard for.
I didn't want to run hard, I wanted to throw the towel in. I didn't want to hurt. I didn't want the pressure. I didn't want the suffering.
But she was RIGHT. This is what I trained for. I had to do it for ME.

Do it for YOU. In your Nothingness, in your brokenness, in your heartbroken, self Don't Quit. Keep doing what is right, what you have worked for, what you have pressed for, what you were designed for...
In our NOTHING we are SOMETHING.
But Examine YOURSELF. Your intentions, Your motives, your heart.

RUNDOWN:
Distance: 16.8
Where: Highland Rec trails
Time: 3:22

Anita~

Glory in Suffering.

Romans 5:3-4

"..but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; ⁴perseverance, character; and character, hope.."

My mother in law texted me throughout my 50K (31miles) training run today several times. She continued to check on me and pray for me. She is so good to me. One of the last text messages I received said "Hi Maria, why in the world are you running so many miles in this hot weather?"

I responded:

"I have a big race Fathers Day weekend, that Saturday. So unfortunately this was my peak week and unfortunately God decided he was going to make it hotter than Hades!

Monday I wanted to run a marathon distance, 26.2 on back roads. It was 92' out.

Wednesday I brought my miles way back, running 7 miles of trails and 3 miles of roads with the XC kids. I ran them both slow and easy in hopes I would have a successful run today.

Thursday, TODAY, my goal was to run a 50K on the trails.

I was still a tad beat up from Mondays run. My belly is recovering from being chaffed and my back is all scratched up from my hydration pack and being sun burnt.

And not to get too personal but it is my girly week, I am pooped.

PREPARE and PLAN:

A lot of thought went into this run. I planned this a couple weeks ago. Planning something that far out does not make the anxiety go away. It almost enhances it because you know you have a date with Suffering.

I made a mini aid station and invited all my running friends to come play with me.

I brought extra clothes and water. 

It was soo nice, all of us running multiple loops brought something, Gatorade, coolers, watermelon, Tostitos, Vernors, cold rags to cool off, grapes, apples and the list goes on!

The RUNDOWN: 

Location: Holly Rec. 5 loops -ish

Distance: 50K, 31miles

Time: 6:52

Pace: 13:15. 

Romans 5:3-4

"..but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; ⁴perseverance, character; and character, hope.."

This verse came to my mind somewhere around mile 20. At that point I was adding my miles wrong, my eyes felt like they had cotton in them from all the pollen, I could smell my funk (It was mighty nasty), and I was getting tired. I had pickers slash my thighs from the overnight "Lush" forest ground covering. The bugs were so bad the first 2 loops they left my shoulder blades looking like ground beef. I put bugs spray on, however, the sweat just canceled everything out but my stench.

I would be lying if I told you running was easy peasy today.

I knew it would be hard.

I knew I would need my friends to come along side me.

And I knew I had to "Do the Hard Things".

And it was WONDERFUL! Glory in our sufferings.

Rachel helped me recite this verse.

One mile at a time. I didn't do 31 miles. I did one mile 31 times. Each mile, each loop was a victory.

With each mile and the annoyances that I was struggling with was another mile I was so proud of myself for not quitting.

I was finding strength in what I had overcome. It wasn't that the training was any easier because it wasn't, I felt more confident as I overcame.

The farther I got, mile 25, 26 I knew I could finish but I had to coach myself. I would tell myself things like "Steady.." or "You are what you think". I wouldn't just run, I would whisper to myself different training tips. Trying to drown out any negative thoughts. Character building.

I really had so much HOPE. I had the support of my tribe, my mother in law and Andy texted me "YOU got THIS!" through out my run.

This verse was a great reminder to me as I ran that Suffering is a place we need to camp at more often.

When we suffer we not only rely on God more, trusting him, but we grow in character and in out Faith. 

Anita~

My Mindful Chaos.

Being alone with myself is a place I prefer to go alone. I spent almost 4 hours today inside my own head.
I hit the trails alone.

Within minutes of being on the trails, my thoughts were colliding.
I looked down the trail head, everything looked so different. Just a few weeks ago the forest was bare and vacant.
Greenery landscaped everything. The woods were full of life. chipmunks raced across the trail completely unfazed by my presence. Squirrels squealed at each other having full conversations.
The spiders were hiding but left their hardwork across the trail, webs everywhere.
The forest was so fragrant. Flowers bloomed leaving a sweet smell wafting through the cool morning breeze. It really was lovely.

The trail was wet and muddy. I was trying to watch my footing all the while dodging picker bushes that seemed to be reaching out for me.
My skin was cold to touch leaving a welcomed chill.
But my thoughts were colliding.

With all my thoughts I had roaming in my mind all I could focus on was the trail.

The ROOTS, they tangled around each other. The PICKERS stretching out, reaching out in my direction. The MUD, so dark and black, a very unwelcomed puddle of slick, thick sludge.

ALONE, I ran, praying for safety, security, and serenity.

This was LIFE. We are all just trying to get through our path in life. The trail looked so different than it had just a couple weeks ago. I ran confused on how I could run this trail so many times and yet it felt so foreign to me. It left me confused and nervous. I felt like I had experienced this trail enough I should be more confident in myself. But I wasn't.
The ROOTS were stronger, thicker, wild and ambitious to take my footing.

As the miles added up the sun burned the chill in the air creating a warmth that wanted to fatigue me.

The SUN peaked through the open trees. I smiled. Gods Light shining on me. Reminding me HE was in my presence. Even in some of the darkest parts of the forest I felt him leading me. His rays cut through the thickest of the woods. Even the PICKERS appeared to retract.

In my mindful chaos, I felt Gods presence seeping through my darkest places. I was tripping over my thoughts and being poked by mistakes, regrets and fears. I found myself getting stuck on stupid letting negativity hold me down.
LIFE. That's LIFE.
We are all trying to get through the path before us. I wondered if I should create my own path. I saw several footprints in the dirt laid out by those before me. At first, I tried to land in their footprints. But there was a small voice that said "Leave your own prints, don't follow someone else's, create your own..." I pounced up, looked forward to faithfully make my own path through the thick soil braded with angry roots.

We all have places to be. We all are desperately trying to get from point A to point B with as little damage as possible. We get so tired. Bruised and beaten up by life sometimes we feel like we just want to throw in the towel.
I felt Gods presence...In the stillness of the forest. No distractions from the rest of the world. Quiet inside myself. Just trying to get through.
I felt comfortable, maybe even a little too comfortable. I should have made a left turn at the trail marker. I had finished my 3 loops.
But I didn't. I made a right and decided to push on, another 5 miles. The real character is birthed in discomfort. Faith is exercised in emptiness. Trust is brought forth in uncertainty.

I didn't know what the next 5 miles would look like. I knew it was going to be hard and I knew I was tired.
But I did it. I think it is important to not stay too comfortable. Don't just coast through life. Yes, life will beat you up, hold you down and even trip you up.
I encourage you to look for that ray of light dancing through the darkest places of life.
Don't give up.
Don't Quit.
Stay on Course.
Make your own footprints.
Push your limits.
Have Faith.

RUNDOWN:
Distance: 20 miles
Pace: 11:30min/mi
Time: 3:45
Where: Holly Rec

Highland Loops Recap: MARCOOO!

Highland Loops 16 mile trail Run RECAP. 
Where: Highland Rec
When: May 19th, 8AM
Who: Claudia, Rachel and Kris..saw Steve H and a few other faces without names.
Weather: 60' Rain. Humid and Moist (yep, I just had to say it!)

"Weather Bug" did not match the conditions that we were hiding from in Kris's Van. It was raining, at times it would sprinkle but then down it came. When we eventually ventured out.

My goal was to stay upright, have fun and beat last years time.

Us girls all started out together. Rachel took the lead and the rest of us came in behind her on the single track trail.
The trail was wet with occasional mud puddles. I tried to avoid the puddles because I am a big baby and don't like sloshing for miles in my shoes.
You had to be careful maneuvering too much due to the slick mixture the dirt and rain created.

THE ANNOYING RUNNER: 
That would be me!
The first two miles I yell my infamous "MARCOOOOO"! Before I even have a second to enjoy the FUN response "POLO" I get another response.
The guy two people in front of me barks back "OH NO! Not YOU! I remember you from last year and you were so annoying!"
He quickly sucked the fun out of the air leaving all of us runners awkwardly silent. I had a half dozen things I really wanted to say, saying nothing and reserving my energy to beat him was my best revenge.

The Rachel the Rabbit. 
I wanted to run with my girls. I wanted to run faster than last year. Rachel was strong and leading us. She was keeping a great pace, thinking about my goal and pushing herself as well.
Every so often she would ask me if I wanted to break off.
I didn't want to leave them. I would say "Naw, not yet."

My Cake and Eat it too: My Strategy
To run through the aid stations, no dilly dallying.
I wanted to run with the gals for about 2 hours. I was hoping at that point I would only have about 6miles or less. The last loop "A" loop is mostly downhill.
The 2hour limit came and Rachel coaxed me to split.

Breaking Away:
I hate breaking away. But I knew I should have before I did. I had been running very comfortable. Within minutes of me separating from my girls I felt the adrenaline surge.
I felt my nerves puckering. My breathing was louder. My heart was pumping and my skin was prickly. This is what it feels like to RACE. I had to beat the clock. I had to dig in because I was going to really be cutting it close.

I slowly began to pick people off. When you pass someone it is a mental battle to make sure you can maintain your pace and not have them comeback on you.
My legs felt so light. I had slipped a few times but never tripped, dipped or flipped.
I was drinking water and grabbing orange slices from the aid stations. Claudia had given me a redskin potato and that was like Mana from Heaven before I had split off  from her.

But what I didn't know, Is that Claudia split off right after me. She was just a few seconds behind me. I was so proud of her. I would see her on the switchbacks and yell. "GO Claudia."
I even saw a old trail friend of mine, Steve H and pulled him out of a aid station to run with me.

Racing the Clock.
I was afraid to look at my watch. With 2 miles to go, I knew there wasn't any time banked. The last loop is mostly downhill.
Because of the wet trail I was afraid to fly down the hills. I was so nervous I would slip on the slimy leaves, or trip on the hidden roots or even twist my ankle on the rocks scattered everywhere.
But I HAD to run scared, run fast to beat my time.

The last marker reads "16.5".  I had a half a mile-ish to go and 5 minutes to do it.
I recognized the bridge, the rocks, that little incline turn, I was close.

It is so fun coming out of the trail head, especially knowing you made your goal and see your hubby at your Finish LINE!

I was so delighted to see Andy standing there ringing cowbells. Totally shocked too.

Best RACE food ever!

RUNDOWN:
Time 3:00:50

I beat the mean guy.
Choose your words wisely. I would like to think us runners don't behave like that but unfortunately we are all human.
Words HURT.
Yes, I am a bit high spirited, but I am not malicious, mean or purposely hurtful.
I know I drive some crazy, Jeesh, I drive myself crazy. But as a runner, I will cheer you on, I will encourage you, pump you up and be your biggest fan.
I may do it obnoxiously, ridiculously and full of energy but I don't do it to be mean.
I am NOT GOING to lie. His words STUNG. He stripped the smile off my face, and sucked the joy out of my run. I struggled for a few miles in silence.
Eventually I got my MOJO back and reminded myself to SMILE. To be ME.


PS...My tribe ROCKED out our age group!
I got 2nd
Claudia 3rd
Rachel 4th
Kris 6th
WTG Team Squishytoes!

Anita~

The Warrior Attitude

" The key ingredient, in my opinion, to successful mental training is what I refer to as a "warrior attitude."

Bob Glover and Shelly Glover, The Competitive Runners Handbook." 

The Warrior Attitude.

To me that is grit, sweat, sacrifice. The warrior attitude is a little bit of fear mixed with adrenaline. It is setting goals, dreams and ideas that are bigger than we are.
It is tackling what life brings you with perseverance and integrity.

Tuesday our XC team was preparing for our second meet. I asked a few kids how they felt.
"I'm scared."
"I'm nervous."
I RESPONDED "GOOD! That's where I want you. Use that fear to drive you, that fear will turn to adrenaline. That is what will power you."

As I get older I question my "Warrior Attitude."
Some battles I choose to no longer fight. I like to think of this as strategic battling. It is not really throwing in the towel rather letting go to protect yourself. You are not going to go into battle and come out without a few wounds.
Some battles are not worth the damage.

Choose your battle wisely.

 Everyday we are presented with a new battle. The battle to forgive. The battle to Love. The battle to not use drugs or alcohol if you are an addict. The battle to fight the mental demons that want to defeat and confuse you. The battle to not flip off that person on the expressway or the battle to be a good parent.
So many battles we are ALL fighting.

Fighting HURTS. Pain HURTS. The wounds will heal far faster than the feelings of quitting. Quitting doesn't make it easier, it just prolongs the inevitable.
Learn to feel. Learn to feel the pain of persevering.
Having a "Warrior Attitude" is exactly that. It starts in the mind. Then let your actions follow.


I KNOW God carries in me my Fear. "Fear NOT for I am with you." I am not alone in my fears. I know I just have to give Him my BEST and He will take care of the rest. He wants me to trust Him. When I am nervous, scared, confused that is when He strengthening me. I love that feeling.
That is PEACE. He is going into battle with me.



T-3 DAYS for Highland Loops.
This is my 17 mile trail run. The course is very technical. Last Monday, when I ran out there we were running a pretty good speed and I went head over heels. The rest of my clan didn't even know I had biffed it. My fall was actually at epic proportions. I tumbled like a gymnast, I was more sad no one was there to see it!
Lacey, Claudia and I ran it again this past Monday. We ran it steady and easy. I still tripped like 2 times. I think once one of the roots reached up and grabbed me. The spider webs were so bad maybe I just couldn't see...Or maybe it was the greenery that sprung up overnight that tricked me and caught me "off guard."
The good news is, running the 17 mile trail run 5 days before the race was good training. My legs didn't feel any soreness confirming we ran it steady and smooth.
MY "Warrior Attitude: for this race....
Hmm. I want it all. I want to have fun and laugh but I also want to run well and beat my time from last year.
I am not sure if I can have both sides of the coin. If I have too much fun I am going to need to punch it in the second half of the race.
We shall see.

TAPERING. 
Monday: 17 Highland Rec. + 2.5 miles at XC coaching.
Tuesday: OFF
Wednesday: 2 miles XC with kids.

The weather has been hard to NOT run. But having fresh legs for Saturday is more important. Thankfully, Life has been VERY busy making it easy to taper.

"As a man thinketh so is he"

Proverbs 23:7

The Foundation for a Warrior Attitude. Crash the chatter in your ears. Coach yourself out of the negativity.

Not a good Warrior Attitude!

There is NO room for NEGITIVITY. Do not make space of hate, hurt, defeat, anger, bitterness, regret.....


Anita~

Mothers Day Miles

This was the first year in several years that I did not spend it inside a basketball gym.
The driving, the hotels, the sweaty smell of perspiration and athletes foot mixed with fast food, late night dinners and junk food was actually missed.

My Origami from Alec 

However, waking up to coffee in bed, having my boys home, and walking into church as a family, a crazy dysfunctional family, was very nice.

I never planned motherhood the way it planned for me to be a mother.

I was young, dumb and broke.
Things haven't changed much accept age!

There is no greater love and heartbreak than being a mother. It is by far one of the hardest jobs. I have failed many times. I have cried tears of joy and cried tears of brokenness.
And I will continue to as long as I am a mother.

Tears lightly rolled down my eyes as the music played. I didn't know where the tears were coming from. Without warning my cheeks began to feel wet with warmth streaming down my face.
I tried to blot them as quickly as they rolled to save my makeup I had worked so hard on.

Why am I crying? I looked at my boys to my right. I looked at my mother in law to my left. I felt Andys hands holding mine tighter.
I felt so blessed. I felt so undeserving. I felt so honored to be a mother.
I still missed mine.

Church came to a close. Together we all walked out, heading to the car.
"So, where are we headed now?" Andy asked.
Without hesitation, and yet without even thinking about it I responded "Can we go see my mother?"

I can not think of a Mothers Day that we have ever drove out to Rochester, Christian Memorial to see my mother as a family.

It made my day. To have the boys see their grandmothers resting place meant more to me than I realized. For many reasons. More reasons than I think even I realized.

RUNDOWN: 
I am tapering for Highland Loops this coming Saturday. Tomorrow I am running 17 miles. This is a lot to run the week of the race. My thought process on this goes as follows:
1. Mohican 50M is in 4 weeks.
2. I need to get my miles up.
3. I am not racing Highland Loops as my sole race rather using it as a training run for Mohican.

That being said. I kept my miles down today. I was excited Lacey was able to run with me. I needed the accountability. My family had dinner at Shepherds Hollow Golf course and I was in a food coma when we left there this afternoon. Had Lacey not got me running I would have been FOB on the couch.
DISTANCE: 7.01
PACE:9:27
TIME: 1:06

Lacey decided since I was cutting my miles short I should run HILLS. She is MEAN. Mohican AINT not JOKE. We have a lot of hills, hurt and hard miles to run.
From the time I started running until we finished my stomach was battling. My food was not digested, the running was not a pleasant feeling. Then the hills were not so much fun either. I am not sure HOW our pace was this decent considering the hills we climbed and the hills we walked!
Each hill we came to I was reminding myself..."MOHICAN,MOHICAN....."
***********************************************************

I Loved this line from Austins Mothers Day Letter to me.
"....you have taught me more than any teacher and have loved me like no girl will ever be able to. You are my first love mother."

Anita~