"When I am afraid, I put my trust in you." Psalm 56:3
Fear has a way of making our world smaller. It convinces me to lower my expectations, second guess my abilities, and stay in a comfortable zone.
But what if the very thing that we FEAR is where God is asking us to TRUST Him?
Because this is my story for today and running the Detroit Free Press Marathon. Because honestly, my biggest battle was not physical, it was mental.
It has been a couple years since I'd run a hard marathon, pavement pounding is not my favorite. My Goals were BIG, and my fear was BIGGER.
Fear of Failure.
Fear of Injury.
Fear of Suffering.
Fear of the UNKNOWN.
My friends call me a "sandbagger". I call it FEAR and ANXIETY. The tease me all the time. But I call it fear and anxiety dressed up as being realistic.
This morning was BEAUTIFUL. Perfect and ideal race conditions. 41 degrees, crisp air, blue skies. But my insides were a tangled mess. Before separating at the corrals, I asked Andy twice to pray with me. I needed the Lord to quiet and still the noise in my head and heart.
I located the 3h:45min marathon pacers and snuck in under the dawn sky.
MY GOAL: to qualify for Boston/ NYC. I needed a 3h:50min with at least a 6-minute buffer. The pacers would encourage me to get there.
The bridge, Canada, the tunnel, back to the USA, the miles passed, the pacers were running faster than we ALL expected. People were grumbling, and dropping off, and I had a choice: give into my FEAR or TRUST the Process. Rather than get mad like everyone else at the pacers I decided to change my thoughts and look at them as "Angels Unaware". Maybe there were setting the pace for ME to do more than even I thought I could. Maybe the Lord has another place and wanted me to trust Him....
I chose to hold on.
By mile 18, I saw the 3:40 pace group and soon even passed them. I was running beyond what I had allowed myself to believe was possible.
Then came mile 20. The marathon was getting harder. Holding my pace was taking more effort. My legs were tiring, my pace was slowing, and by mile 24, I developed a side stitch. I was depleted abd struggling to calculate whether I could hold on to my time.
So, I prayed harder.
I promised the Lord I wasn't going to quit; I would endure the pain. I would give Him everything I had, one mile at a time.
Just outside of mile 26, I heard Andy shouting my name. He was cheering me on. He was screaming I was on pace for a 3:35. He jumped onto the course full of pride towards me, "...your almost there, YOU GOT THIS!!"
I was crying, barely able to speak and fighting for every step. I could feel the pavement underneath me jolting my body every time my feet landed, my legs were numb, and my body battery was gone, I couldn't even respond to Andy. I saw him, I heard him, I felt his love cover me, And I thought, HOW MUCH MORE does my Father in Heaven love me...
I crossed the Finish line at 3:35-a Boston and NYC qualifying time with a heavy buffer. 
And I couldn't help but think about how much time I'd spent being afraid of something I was capable of doing.
RUNDOWN: The Unknown
Sometimes we wait until we feel confident before we take the next step. We want certainty. We want control. We want to know we'll succeed. We want God to show us the outcome before we're willing to trust Him.
But Faith doesn't require us to know how everything will turn out. Faith requires us to know who walks or runs with us into the unknown.
Jeremiah 17:7 "Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord. And those whose trusts is the Lord..."
Isaiah 41:10 "Do not fear, for I am with you: do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will certainly strengthen you, surely, I will help you. Certainly, I will uphold you with My righteousness right hand."
We do not have to fear because God is with us. He strengthens us and upholds us.
And Jeremiah 33:3, reminds us to call unto Him, trusting that He sees what we cannot.
This was me.
Maybe today, you are standing at the starting line of something you fear, a place anxiety is circulating all around you.
A difficult conversation, a new season, a dream, a new venture...
What if He's inviting you to TRUST Him while the fear is still there?
I still do the thing that scared me.... I just had to trust. I had to keep taking the next step outside myself. I had to let God be my confidence before I felt confident, my strength before I felt strong, and my hope before I knew the outcome of my story.
My friends were right to call me a sandbagger. But this time I realized I was holding back because I was SCARED. Instead of letting fear control me, I trusted God enough to pursue those fears.
In Peace, Not Pieces,
Anita
