From Bad to Worse

 A cancer diagnosis is bad enough, You have this monster growing inside of you. Making you sick, making you tired, eating away at your canvas. 

The treatment is chemotherapy. 

Now your body is literally used as a battlefield. The chemo is at war with your cancer and your body is caught in the crossfire. In the beginning it is BAD. But you are told it is only going to get WORSE. 

It has to go from BAD to WORSE. 

Sometimes we have no idea what the measurement of WORSE is. 

How much worse can it get? 

When does it get better? 

We are trying to do something for the greater good however the situation only appears to be digressing. 

• We get overwhelmed
• We begin to feel hopeless
• We feel discouraged

We can not see the light at the end of the tunnel, often worrying as things continue to get worse how much WORSE is it going to get, how much more can we handle. 

Life can feel like it is one thing after another. 

"Bad is walking on thin ice, worse is falling in!" 

Collision:

I had planned to try out my body on my favorite trail, Holdridge.  The plan was to run the east loop, with the cut out to give me 11 technical miles. I wanted to see not just how my body would respond to the trails but also my PF. 

I had my pack prepared with my favorite espresso Gu, water and squeezy applesauce. My phone was charged to motivate me with my favorite tunes, I was excited. 

The first 5 miles are a mess of twists, turns, inclines and roots. 

It goes from BAD to WORSE. 

I chucked at mile 3 while I coached myself to stay steady preparing myself for the increase in technicality of the trails.  I had this instant collision of my running with my devotion this morning. 

Habakkuk 3:17-18 "Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, 18yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior."

As I ran I was reminded that like my cancer, like my run, often times things will go from BAD to WORSE.

But the good news is, like in Habakkuk no matter how bad it gets, I will rejoice in the Lord.

Don't give up. Finding gratitude and joy encourages you to not give up.

At mile 6 today, I was beginning to wonder if I could keep my pace up, I actually saw it slowly decline. I tried to pick it back up only to stumble and fall. I quickly got back up and reminded myself to fuel. I was so determined. I came out of the road unto Hess rd with 2 miles to go. I was so tired. I felt my body beginning to weaken. My left foot twisted, popping and I yelped. I looked at my watch, took a deep breath and kept running.

I finished, I fell, I twisted my ankle and I even ran more than I needed but I didn't give up.

Looking at my watch made it all worth it.

It had to go from Bad to Worse for me to see victory.

Just when I didn't think I could do another mile, I was so excited that Joan was going to meet me to run with Complete Runner that I sucked it up for another 5 miles. I love this girl.

I saw the a new Dr. today for my PF. She gave me so much encouragment and a nice little shot of cortisone in my foot!

"That's one of the remarkable things about life. It's never so bad that it can't get any worse."

Calvin and Hobbes

Anita~