Cancer Sucks..a couple things

 “Toughness is in the soul and spirit, not in muscles.” —Alex Karras

When I was first diagnosed with TNBC last April it was like having an out of body experience for weeks. As soon as you are diagnosed you calendar fill up with multiple dr appointments, tests, scans, blood draws and the list goes on. You hardly have a chance to think. Then when you have a few minutes to collect all the information you feel like your in a very bad nightmare. Only there is no waking up from it. 

I remember telling a friend of mine "I don't want this to define me. I don't want this to be my story." 

And the response was "Then don't." 

At that time her response seemed logical. However, when the weeks turned to months and the effects of cancer  and chemo penetrate your every moment of every day it begins to drastically change your story. 

The rest of the world goes on. but you are getting chemo and blood work every week sometimes twice a week. Your blood is being watched like a hawk. Your body is declining and there is absolutely nothing you can do.  You are like fine china. 

I have learned a few things along the way. There were mistakes I made, things I learned too late, and areas I would have handled differently. 

Breast cancer is not all the same. And it is handled quite differently. 

• ER positive: (Estrogen receptor positive)
• PR positive: (Progesterone receptor positive)

Breast cancer cells grow by responding to certain hormones. 

• HER2: another form or breast cancer is where the cells have to much protein. 
• TNBC: Estrogen receptor negative, progesterone receptor negative 
• MTNBC: the same as TNBC only it is hard to treat b/c there are no known proteins for cancer drugs to target. 
• There are other types of breast cancer but these are a few. 

COMMON SYMPTOMS OF BREAST CANCER:

• A new lump or mass
• swelling
• skin irritation or dimpling
• breast or nipple pain
• nipple retraction
• redness/ thickening of the nipple/breast skin

I want to share a few facts from the Susan B. Komen site. 

• About 4 percent of breast cancers occur in women younger than 40. 

• Breast cancer survival depends on a person’s diagnosis and treatment.

• 276,480 new cases of invasive breast cancer (This includes new cases of primary breast cancer, but not recurrences of original breast cancers.) 2020

• 42,170 breast cancer deaths 2020

• Five-year survival rates tend to be lower for triple-negative breast cancer (TNBC) than for other forms of breast cancer. I HATE THIS STAT. 

• TNBC is also more likely than some other types of breast cancer to return after it’s been treated, especially in the first few years after treatment. This is why I had a mastectomy

No more stats. Every time I read these I get upset. 

I am sharing this all with you because I feel I need to due to it being BREAST CANCER AWARENESS MONTH. 

I have lived breast cancer, I have survived breast cancer and I have learned a few things. I am going to share 10 of the most important things I learned. 

1. DO not do it alone. Isolation leads to depression and having cancer is depressing. Do not be ashamed, reach out for support. 
2. Two ears are better than one. Always have someone with you to help "HEAR" things better at your Dr appointment. . many times Andy and I "Heard" different things. 
3. STAY ACTIVE. You have to stay strong. Chemo breaks your body down, the stronger you are the better you recover. You don't have to go to the gym, walking alone speaks volumes to your body. Doing a little is more than doing nothing. Get a partner to hold you accountable, I had several. 
4. WATER WATER WATER. You have to flush that poison out of your system. You can not let your body get dehydrated. This was a major failure of mine. 
5. PROTEIN, very important for cellular recovery. I wish I did better at this. It is so hard to intentionally eat extra protein when you are always nauseas. 
6. Keep your faith. It is so easy to cry "WHY?".  You wonder WHY God did this to you. HE didn't. We live in a broken world. God doesn't give cancer. Keep your faith, your hope, this really helps you recover better. being sad, depressed or angry is NOT good for your healing. 
7. Accept help. People want to help you. LET THEM. Cancer takes a lot from you, your routine is going to change, you can't do what you used to. It is OK to take care of yourself. 
8. PUT your make-up on every day. When I didn't wear make up I found myself fighting emotions. It is so hard to look at yourself when you don't recognize yourself. A little lipstick goes a long way. 
9. Do not let cancer allow you to behave badly.  I didn't want cancer to be an excuse to behave badly. I wanted to keep trying to be the best version of me I could. 
10. Be confident. Own it. Stay strong minded. Put that smile on and live the best you can.

My last chemo was September 2019  but that didn't mean my treatment or the journey was over. I would still have to have 25 rounds of radiation and more breast reconstructions. Hopefully, this November 4th will be my final one. 

My body is resetting, getting stronger and recovering. It is a process to go through, it is going to be a process to recover from. Recovery has to be intentional too. Exercise, eat healthy (you are what you eat).  I continue to drink protein shakes to recover the cellular damage. I have noticed a significant difference doing this.

 Find gratitude EVERY DAY. 

Beaumont hospital called me today to prep me for surgery next week. She made a joke about all my surgeries this last year and how 2020 can be over. I responded "NAW, I survived cancer is 2019, 2020 is my victory year, I am very grateful..." She stumbled on her words but with sincere kindness she responded "WOW, what a great outlook, that's why you did so well, a good perception, thank you." 

“You beat cancer by how you live, why you live and in the manner in which you live.” —Unknown

RUNDOWN: 

 “Don’t let breast cancer take away the motivation to achieve your dreams.” —Diana Cohen

I am trying to discover who I am these days. I am not ashamed to have a small portion of my life speak volumes in my story. Cancer SUCKS. But it is a large portion of you. 

I was looking forward to todays run. 

MY GOAL: 20 miles @ Rose Oaks. 

I ran solo. Rachel rode the loop on her bike chatting for a few minutes here and there when she looped me but I embraced my time ultimately with myself. Listening to my voices today was more pleasant than listening to them months ago. I can hear my thoughts, more peaceful. More thoughtful. More prayerful and more grateful. 

Not perfect, not even close. But today, I actually enjoyed my own company. 

After running 2 loops, I had to go out for one more. Rachel  had already road 30 miles and was heading home. She yells out the door "Do the HARD things, run the hills, keep going, don't stop....and all that other crap, ha ha." 

And so I did. Every stinking hill and even a mile more because somehow that cut through was too much! I wanted to walk when my watch hit 20 but dog gone Rachel..."Do the hard things"! 

                                                                         Praise God.