As I get older and older and older, I chuckle at how much stuff I still do not have figured out. And at times I feel like I should know more but I have more questions and lack of understanding more than ever.
As I am drawing nearer to 53-year-old, I have discovered that my confidence and security is not where I assumed it would be.
I thought I would have a better grip on all that "silly" stuff. But just when you think you have "arrived" life throws a curve ball at you and has you rethinking all you thought was true.
Relationships alter your security; circumstances bang up your confidence and life on life's terms doesn't have a user manual that is all that reliable.
Yesterday morning when I was getting ready for work, I found myself down a rabbit hole of deep thoughts. I started taking notes to record my thoughts, mostly on INSECURITY.
As a middle-aged runner, I have insecurities. Not the same ones I had in the beginning of my running career, all new ones. Similar to life. All new ones. I never had these wrinkles and creping skin before; these are new ones! I am not as fast of a runner as I used to be, my mental game has more cracks in it then ever... whether I am lining up in life or at a starting line, I can hear my internal dialogue.
Those insecurities do not have a grip on me the way they used to. Because insecurity can cause us to get manipulative, bitter, angry, jealous and even resentful when not honestly addressed with ourselves. And when we are truly honest with ourselves, we will no longer blame others or feel like a victim. When we get honest we can take that to the Lord and He will heal those fractured parts.
Insecurity- we all feel it at some point in our lives.
Some of us can seize it and some of us suffer with it. But there is no shame in wherever you land.
I have discovered that when my identity is rooted in anything outside of the Lord, I open myself up to insecurity.
Gal 1:10 " For am I now seeking the favor of men, or of God? Or am I striving to please men?"
When we try to fit into places outside of the Lord, we will inevitably feel insufficient, unprepared or unwanted. To be honest, I have experience in all these areas. We begin measuring ourselves against the standards that were never meant to define us.
But when we abide in the Lord, seeking His will and living fully unto Him, He secures our identity and established our purpose. And there is PEACE in that. We begin to walk with greater confidence in HIM, knowing we are right where HE desires us to be.
It is human nature to search for belonging and purpose through relationships: friends, family, co-workers, etc. But I have noticed I can walk away feeling inadequate and insecure.
Proverbs 29:25 "Fear of man will prove to be snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD will be exalted."
But this all changes when my relationship with the Lord comes FIRST. Then every relationship is filtered through HIM. The Lord says I am the apple of His EYE. He Loves Me. He chases after me.
We no longer have to strive, perform or work so hard to fit in, especially when we were created to stand out! The burden lifts because our confidence is no longer dependent on how others receive us. I then am more capable of extending more grace, compassion and patience with others and myself. I find myself being more accepting of others and more secure in who God has called me to be.
Our purpose and identity find their proper place in The Lord. And when that connects, the striving stops, the insecurity loses its hold, and we are FREE to simply be who God created us to be.
Reflection:
Colossians 2:6 " Therefore as you have received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in Him. having been firmly rooted and been built up in Him and established in your faith, just as you were instructed, and overflowing with gratitude."
It is about really doing your own self inventory. Having your identity in Christ is freedom. It settles the soul.
I have asked myself some of these questions when I feel like I am struggling, and the communication with myself and the Lord is always so sweet.
When you walk through these questions with honesty there is never shame.
1. Where in my life am I still striving to be accepted, included, or validated by people rather than finding my security in the Lord?
2. Whose opinion has more influence over my confidence than God's truth about who I am?
3. If I stopped trying to fit in, prove myself or earn someone's approval, what would change in the way I show up in my relationships?
4. Am I allowing my insecurity to shape how I see others, how I respond to others, and how much grace I extend to them?
THIS question below....is a BIG ONE...
5. If my identity is fully rooted in CHRIST, why am I still allowing the acceptance of others to determine my worth?
In Peace, Not Pieces,
Anita
