Can't outrun it.

A run doesn't make everything better, I know...Because I tried.
I ran till I broke.
I ran hard.
I ran breathless.
I ran sore.
I ran exhausted.
And then I kept running.
Everything hurt..but I was still the same as when I left.

Still emotional.
Still angry.
Still a barrage of emotions that I couldn't label.

I couldn't shake it.
I couldn't out run in.
I  couldn't run through it.
And I couldn't run it out of me.

Grief.
I miss running the trails.
I could just go out to the trails and feel one with my surroundings. Everything always folded away.

Life with all its emotions and insecurities. With all its fears interrupts, taking this too away from me.
I looked forward for days for weeks to run quietly on the trails.
And in just seconds it is taken from me.
Grief.

I tried to run hard enough that the physical pain would overcompensate my loss.
I tried to run hard enough so I was numb of emotions.
But grief only collected more emotions.

The moments when you just want to be alone. For everyone's sake it is just better.

Nita.