LAYERS and LEAVES

I am not a fan of cold weather running. The crisp autumn mornings have returned. This morning there was a glistening frost over everything. The frigid air took my breath away.

I never know how to dress in this weather. I always manage to overdress. Simply because I hate being cold.
This morning was no exception. The tempertures were in the 30's this morning. I laughed at my running skirt and compression socks I had laid out the night before.
I had thick running tights on with a built in skirt over. My sports bra was layered underneath a heavy running shirt, a running jacket and a vest.
I was Layered up.
And I was so uncomfortable. The layers made me prematurely sweat. And all the material was thick under my arms.

I was included in a last minute text from Paula and Matt to run Wilderness trail with the gang. I had planned to run solo but was so excited for the invite to see everyone.

Everyone planned to run 2 loops. I wanted to run 2 loops. The sky was blue, so blue. The leaves were in peak, the trails was decorated in colors of amber, red, orange and yellow. My friends were with me.
I lead the group.
Within a few miles I was so hot! I made it a full loop before I began taking off LAYERS.

At one point on the run, I separated myself from the group. I took a side trail down towards the lake. The lake looked like a mirror, perfectly reflecting the blue sky and white clouds. Along the backside of the trail the trees bordered the shimmering lake. I crouched down inches from the waters edge. I felt my heart heavy. OCTOBER. Layers and Leaves.
SO much loss this month. Death never LEAVES.  The heart never returns to its natural state.
I wanted to bury myself in the woods. I didn't even realize I had left everyone until I heard their voices ahead of me.
I left my sadness by the lake and returned to the gang.

Everywhere Leaves.

Michigan Mittens!

I wanted to remove another layer. I wanted to remove the hurt that was now covering me. It was slowly tightening its grip on me. And for a little while I did remove it. I smiled. I laughed. I engaged in the moment with my friends.

I was afraid to be alone. I felt the LAYERS growing. I tried to peel them off. Only to discover confusion. Or grief. Even Anger. So many LAYERS.

October. The month of Layers and Leaves.
With each Layer peeled back I am afraid to see what it Leaves.

However. I know that Life is Layered. And its comes down to what we LEAVE behind.
I Know that God had a plan for all that hurt and loss. I know that as abandoned I feel, it is just an emotion,  I know that I am not alone. God has put people in place to love me. No they are not my mother, or Ariel or my amazing Angel of a grandmother.

" I will not LEAVE you comfortless: I will come to you." John 14:18

Those LOVES of my life, they left so much beauty. There was so much I received from each of them.
Tears stream down my cheeks. my eyes are blurred, but its LOVE, that what they left behind.
LOVE. 


RUNDOWN:
Distance: 10 Miles
Legs felt pretty good. Fatigued. And I did something to my shoulder. NO BUENO.

Anita~