"Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, Who is in you, Whom you have received from God? ... So use every part of your body to give glory back to God..." 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

Sunday, January 8, 2017

Forgiveness and Mercy

Last Weeks Mileage: 41 miles.
Trail Miles: 17 miles
Glass City: 104 days, 14 weeks. minus a day.

Distance: 13.1 miles
Pace: 9:43
Plan: Meet up the MaryAnn, Jama, Claudia, Erin Andy and Ken. I was gonna get some extra miles in and run to them, doing their 8 miles with them. I was hoping for an very easy 13-14 mile run.
According to the text thread I  should be meeting up with them around Quick road and Seven Lakes. I planned my time and my pace perfectly, so I thought. I passed Seven Lakes, then I crossed over Grange Hall. I texted them and told them of my wear about, they should be coming.
It was so cold. I had multiple layers on and hand warmers in my gloves. My chin was half covered from my buff, however my chin still felt like it was frozen SOLID. I lubed my face up to prevent chapping but it all felt raw. Snot was dripping like a faucet. I picked up the pace in fear I was not gonna find them. With my right hand, I plugged my nostril to blow out the perfect snot rocket. In one swift motion snot blasted out and I suddenly was warmed with another explosion. At first the warm liquid was very inviting until I realized I just emptied my bladder down my leg! I had to keep running because if this froze it was not going to be pretty.
I headed up a big hill right before Academy rd. "It sure would be great if they came down the hill NOW so I didn't have to run up this." I winced. But instead I got to the top and rather than seeing the crew I saw Jeff! Jeff was waiting there for me. We chatted for a few minutes. I told him the plan and made a little joke, "I think they LEFT me, I should have already come unto them."
He is so sweet "Well, if you need a ride home, just come on over to the house."
I waved goodbye and told him I would see him Wednesday.
I headed towards Academy road still with no signs of the crew. As I made the right hand turn, I saw a BIG group of runners turn RIGHT unto Academy. They should have been turning LEFT.
"Where are they going?" I thought. They were about a half a mile ahead of me. I picked up the pace only to get more frusterated when they made another right hand turn into the downtown area. I couldn't close the gap enough to see which side roads they were taking.
I was getting so upset. I was running as hard as I could with 5 miles already in and they were no where near the meeting spot.
Desperately, trying to figure out where they were going and what my plan was. I just kept running towards where I thought they were. I did a couple loops and turn arounds. I then just decided to run my own thing. I was sweating, exhausted and not having any fun.
It was about then I saw a big colorful group through the trees crossing Grange hall road. I knew exactly where they were heading. I had no energy to pick it up. But I did anyway.
"Slow and Steady Anita, if you catch up, you catch up and if you don't, you don't. BUT if you DO...FORGIVE me for what I am going to say!"
I caught up.
They turned around about a quarter of a mile in a subdivision, seeing me they waved and headed towards me. My Irish Mexican temper was burning.
"HI ANITA!! We saw you waving at us....."
Out of breath and feisty I replied "You were waving, I was NOT waving at you I was flipping you all off!"
In frustration, exhaustion, aggravation, confusion and probably a little PMS I LOST my TESTAMONY.
It took about a good mile to chill out and start laughing about the miscommunication in our route. It was really fun to run with the gang. We were quite the crew running in 14' degree weather.
When we arrived back at Jamas, I asked the girls to forgive me. They too apologized for the unclear route. It was no ones fault just miscommunication. It was a great run, I ran harder than I planned but that too was good. And I ran too hard to ever get cold. I was actually sweating.

Ken, Andy, MaryAnn, Erin, Jama, Claudia

For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. Mathew 6:14
Kens wife declared that 2017 was going to be the year of FORGIVENESS and MERCY.

These words get mentioned at least once a week by Ken.
But honestly, these words have resonated with me.

So when I woke up this morning sobbing in my dream, I instantly thought of FORGIVENESS and MERCY.

My Uncle Danny was sharing some of his journals with me. Together, we sat on the cluttered floor in his bedroom. The floor was cold and hard but I barely noticed due to the unusual character of my uncle. He was sober, kind, quiet, peaceful and vulnerable. It was just him and I. He handed me a hard covered journal. "Anita, this is my running log..." I opened it up and discovered a very meticulous running log filled with notes, miles, paces and races. It was written in pencil, the lines and the numbers were precise. As I looked at it I discovered what talent my uncle had had. I discovered he had a passion and a gift.
"Uncle Danny...." I was now crying. I didn't know how to say it, I was scared to say it. I knew what he was capable of. But I said it anyway.
"Uncle Danny, you RAN?? You were so talented. You were amazing what happened?"
I don't know if he ever responded. I was afraid he might raise his voice at me, cuss at me or even hurt me, I backed away in fear.
My mind was spinning. HOW?? WHY? How could this man with all this passion let it go for addiction. He had the world in his hands. He was happy, he had passion, zeal..WHY GOD?? I wanted him to know how amazing he was. I wanted him to FORGIVE himself. I wanted him to know I FORGAVE HIM. I BELIEVED in him. I didn't hold a grudge for all the hurt he caused in my life. I wanted so bad to LOVE on him. I wanted him to know I LOVED HIM.
Then out of the corner of my eye I saw an Angel. The most amazing lady of my life. She was standing in the mirror with those hazel eyes and that flirty grin looking at me, grandma.
I knew it was all a dream but I couldn't figure anything out. I wanted to touch my grandma, laugh with her. I cried and cried. I couldn't breathe, my chest was so heavy and tight. I wanted this dream to be real, it felt real but it was too good to be true. Deep down beneath the realms of reality I knew it was just a dream. I cried harder.

"Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful." Luke 6:26

I awoke to Andy rubbing my back. "Did he know I had been sobbing?" 7:24 am.

I got up and made coffee. I walked into the family room with my coffee and a throw. Curled up on the recliner I was overcome with peace. I knew that it was GOD that had softened my heart years ago against my uncle. My dream was affirmation that I did LOVE him and I had FORGIVEN him years ago.
My uncle did some terrible terrible things to us growing up. His Irish temper had no gauge. I witnessed things no child should ever have seen. And many would NEVER forgive. It is honestly God who has softened my heart and opened my eyes to see a man not an addict.
This dream was a GIFT from God. I was reminded that Addiction hijacks passions, talents, dreams, relationships. But my uncle sat there with me, transparent, emptied, broken and I LOVED HIM. Truly LOVED HIM. He looked at me seeking MERCY. I wanted him to know I gave it to him a long time ago.


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