When they go down a hill, they float like a butterfly. I, on the other hand am trailing in the back strategically planting my feet on the safest ground. I try to run like a gazelle but I really look like a underfed big foot clod hopping to catch up.
Part of the fun of trail running is the adventure. Every run, even on the same trail is different. Each run holds something unique to only that run.
Last week, we were climbing over fallen trees and overflowing rivers.
Today, was all together different.
The trail was a solid sheet of ice. We didn't make it a mile and Matt took a really big fall, making the deciding factor to turn back for our Kahtoola Microspikes.
It is really scary running on ice. I had one eye on Ken and Matt and one eye in front of me.
We were not running fast, we were way more conservative on our way back to the car.
This was the first time that I pulled these out of the box since I received them for Christmas.
It took a couple minutes to get used the medal necklace around my shoe. After the first patch of ice, I quickly fell in love. The grip into the ice was sharp and bold. I had total control. The farther we ran the less fearful I was. By the time we had finished up two loops I was ready to go again.
ICE IS NOT my FRIEND, Even with spikes.
We headed to the Lakeshore loop. I LOVE this loop. It's only about 2.5 miles but it is my favorite for scenery. It is a little more technical, however; enticing. It is surrounded with lakes, water, massive trees, bare and vulnerable to the winter elements. The trees are mysterious, tangled between each other. The trail leads down to the daunting waters in multiple locations. They lakes are open, flat and quietly whispering for you to come play.
Ice is not my friend.
- I fell on the ice and knocked my teeth out when I was about 14.
- I am not a good swimmer.
- I hate being cold and wet.
The ICE thundered below me, I turned around like I was possessed and booked it back to shore.
Nope, no frozen lake adventure for me.
CRACKS in the ICE.
When we were on the ice I got down on my knees to investigate what was below me. There were cracks everywhere. Scattered across the lake you saw dark frozen holes in the ice resembling snowflakes in the frozen lake. I remembered something Lacey had told me just the day before.
"Anita, there are layers in the ice. Every time we have gotten warm weather it melts then refreezes. There are some layers in the ice that are not frozen, but the ice is stronger than you think."
I looked at the ice, recollecting what Lacey had said but still found myself untrusting. I saw all the cracks in the ice and that couldn't convince me to be fearless.
Today after my run I thought about that frozen lake. The one with all the cracks, with all the layers.
I thought of myself. I felt like that lake.
So many cracks, so imperfect. I feel so strong, I want to be strong, I want to BELEIVE that I am STRONG..But I have all these LAYERS. These layers that confuse me.
My base layer, my foundation is in CHRIST, but I have this layer of hurt, and a layer of disappointment. God tries to heals me and I find I have another layer of strength only to be sabotaged by this crack. This daunting, deep crack that constantly reminds me of my yesterdays. And another crack that demonizes me, holds me back. I can hear the Lord whispering for me to trust in HIM. Believe in who HE created me to be, but I am scared, scared of my cracks.
I once had someone tell me "ANITA, I know you, I know what kind of a person you are." Initially, I was impressed, "FINALLY someone can tell me WHO I am, I have been trying to figure it out for 40 something years."
And they told me. Leaving cracks and layers to add to the rest.
Again, God healed me, freezing over that brokenness.
Today those "Cracks in the Ice" reminded me to have TRUST. To trust in God in all my brokenness and in all the layers life has created in me.
To Remember I am STRONG, in Christ. I am NOT perfect, But I need to TRUST the process that God has created in me and not let FEAR dictate my tomorrows.
It reminded me that though I can not see Eternity like a movie on netflix, God is not tangible, But our Faith and Trust is eternal. Like that lake, I can not see all the way down to believe it could carry me, Even though I can not see God carrying me, HE IS.
"So we fix our eyes NOT on what is seen, but what is UNSEEN. For what is SEEN is temporary, But what is UNSEEN is ETERNAL."