One summer many moons ago I got a really bad sunburn. The kind of sunburn that you can hardly move, you feel like your skin is cracking. Clothes hurt, you can't sleep at night, even a shower feels like you are getting pelted with sand. Every day you expect it to get better only to have new symptoms. Your skin is so sensitive that it makes everything you do a struggle.
That is what so many of us are all like these days. So many people are struggling. We are hurting from depression, isolation, they are hurting from finances, fear, and the list goes on.
I am so grateful to be cancer free but the reality is life is like that sunburn. I am healing but I am still so sensitive. I am cancer free. But covid has not been a great environment to heal.
The world is struggling themselves. I am struggling with this whole covid pandemic and I have all this stupid residual damage from my cancer.
I asked Andy last week if it is possible for an extrovert to turn introvert? I find myself so emotionally sensitive these days that isolating has been my safest choice.
I have paused painting rocks and started painting birdhouses, just as ridiculous.
Running is the best therapy. Most of my runs these days are solo. Do you ever listen to your own narrative?
What do your thoughts say?
What do they say about others?
What do they say about yourself?
I want to enjoy people. I want to be carefree and transparent. I want laughter and love.
But its a struggle.
A struggle for all.
"Thank You"
I went out for a 7 mile run Saturday. Easy solo run. Just a run to feel the crisp morning air. To turn the legs over and to smile as I counseled myself.
I ran through downtown Holly pain free and grateful. I looked around at all the deflated Christmas decorations and laughed to myself at the similarities I shared with them.
As I ran down Saginaw I saw my favorite white boxer being walked by his own, Franz.
I always say "Hi". You see, Franz lost his only daughter in 2016, murdered on Fish Lake Road, running. Her murderer never found. I organized a run in her honor where I met Franz for the first time. "Ally" was his only child.
Yesterday, I didn't just say "Hi", I stopped. I didn't even bother to stop my watch. I asked if I could pet his dog, Zeus. Franz cheerfully said yes and proceeded to tell me about his dog. He didn't recognize me all bundled up so I reintroduced myself. He shared his broken heart, explaining that Zeus was a rescue dog to help him and his wife with their grief, but the truth is their fur baby actually rescued them.
I just listened. I looked at him, deeply, into his wounded heart. When it was safe I gently told him it is always great to see him and Zeus and he replied, "Thank you, thank you for talking with me."
He just needed me to be present. To meet him where he was at.
"Galatians 6:2 "Bear ye one another's burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ."
Loving one another. Loving the broken. Encouraging one another, edifying and supplying your gifts for building others up.
Some days it is hard to do this, it is hard to give when you feel empty, you cant give from a empty cup.
Ahh, but how our cup fills when we love others.
Many of us are sensitive right now. It made me feel good knowing I made him feel good just by being present.
RUNDOWN:
Weekly miles: 46.25
Longest Run: 17 miles @ Highland Rec
Today I start my "Back to Back" run in preparation for January 2nd, Yankee Springs 50K. I had to really talk Andy into running with me. I needed company!
Today 10 miles, tomorrow 20-22 miles, between 4-5 hours of running. I am curious to see how I do.
A little nervous. Its a lot of time in my head!
Anita!
"Running has taught me to love my brain, my body, and what both can do for me when I use them wisely and appreciate them." Meggie Smith
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