Pilgrimage.

 "And that's the way I connected to God, That's how He speaks to me. For some reason storms give me peace. Because I know He's in charge of it. So in the same way He's in charge of my natural storm, He's in charge of my spiritual storms, My emotional storms. The human condition. When I am broken, when I want to give up, I know He's there." Pastor John Gray

I struggled getting out the door today. Monday, a day there is never enough coffee, never enough time and never enough energy to get through my endless list of procrastinated chores and deeds.  The motivation to tackle everything is there, the intention is there but I keep interrupting myself leaving half done things scattered throughout the house. 

I NEED TO FOCUS. 

Get out the door. 

Hello Winter. 29 degrees and windy. Monday Runday. 

All alone in the woods, I decided to run silently. Unplugged. 

Even hidden in the tall trees, the wind cut through me.  I was void of ambition to dig deep. I planned to run 12 miles, however, 10 miles sounded good, maybe even 9...

"Just get through the first loop Nita." I coaxed myself. 

"You have no race your training for, just take it easy." I reminded myself I wasn't training for anything anymore. My 50K, Yankee Springs was cancelled. Cancelled of course the day I ran 21 miles. My luck!

Somewhere between mile 2 and 3 I came up with a plan. *Take the first loop easy, walk the hills, keep your heart rate down and then try to shave off some time on the second loop. No music the first loop, try to work some stuff out in your head, then the second loop, tune it all OUT with music. 

I took the first hour and 8 minutes just thinking.  As Pastor Gray spoke of the oneness with God in storms, I related to this as I maneuvered solely through the trails at Holly Rec. 

I went through my emotional storms that I have been battling. Listening to my reasonings, my aggravations, my justifications and the narrative that I spoke to myself. I dissected my thoughts, ultimately asking God to "Search me..." 

The miles seemed to come together quicker than my solutions to being a better person were. 

But as I followed that last mile in, I gave it all to God. I had peace that I had sought Him in the cold and windy storms I have been battling. 

I turned my music all the way up for that second loop. 

Psalm 84:5-7 "Blessed are those whose strength is on you, whose hearts are set on pilgrimage." 

This was part of my morning devotion today. 

In the first loop, I was thinking of a half dozen ways to NOT run 2 of the 6 mile loops. 

But I knew I had to keep moving. This is what "pilgrimage" means. Journey. Trip. Mission. 

As bad as I wanted to quit, as fatigued as I felt, I knew I had to keep moving. 

It took everything I had to just keep moving. 

As I came unto a hill, "Pump your arms..." I spoke to myself  trying to convince myself I am stronger than I feel. 

As I picked up my pace, I felt my heart pumping hot blood through my veins. My cheeks began heating up and I could feel sweat forming along my neck. My music was loud that I saw deer, squirrels and birds scattering as I came down the icy trail. I smiled. 

It felt good knowing I didn't quit. It felt good knowing I was only as strong as I convinced myself. I felt good having a "come to Jesus" meeting to prepare me for the day. 

I felt good knowing I didn't solve all my issues but I had peace in them. 

Anita~

Rundown: 

I took 3 RECOVERY days this week. I worked 4 days this week. On my feet all day doesn't make good run days. 

I also cross trained Wednesday, only running 3 miles but biking 15 miles. 

TOTAL weekly miles: 54.6

I was super stoked I got these miles, I had a lot of big runs preparing myself for a race that got canceled. I wasn't too disappointed. After the injuries I have come out of, I am grateful to still be upright!