My Streak, The Crim after Chemo

"You beat cancer by how you live, why you live and in the manner in which you live."  

"Oh, it looks like you have ran 14 Crims,  this is your 15th year...." I smiled at the guy at the Crim Expo and responded,, "I wouldn't be here like this if I wasn't on a streak!" Together we laughed as I took my bald head to get my bib!

A Running Streak. 

Sarah and Andrew Photo bombing us! What a great surprise!

At 5:45am I was fully dressed and confused on why my alarm never went off. Then it occurred to me, it was 5:45am, not 6am when I had planned to get up.

I wasn't racing it this year, I was just out to have fun.  I had chemo Wednesday and it was my bad one, Taxol with Carboplatin. I just wanted to be able to DO the Crim, whatever that looked like.

One day at a time is so cliche' but it has become my silent mantra. I was able to lace up,  line up and smile it up as I tucked into the corrals. I can't race but I can cheer others on, run slower and try to make the best out of where I am at today, stupid cancer.
I have gratitude for every mile.

Holly Runners! 

Andy, Lacey, Maryann, Andy J, Justin Jacqueline 

I gave my heart out there in Flint today. I ran a 10min/mi with all my heart. I LOVE this race. 10 miles through Flint. I was so happy to be able to run it after last weekends 50K. I was happy to be able to run it with cancer for that matter!
I love people. This is what feeds me energy, seeing everyone out there. Seeing my friends and making new ones. I laugh, I give "high fives", I cheer people on and soak up all the energy and good vibes I can.
But it catches up with me.

Andy caught me trying to hide behind my glasses sleeping on the way home. 

I could barely keep my eyes awake on the way home. All the symptoms from chemo were now creeping up. My belly was quirky, my mouth tasted like metal, I just wanted to get home and lay down.
I was down for almost 4 hours.

Sometimes I guess I need to be pinched to remind myself I have Cancer. I want to do all the things I used to be able to do, and today was a reminder that my body is in a battle of its own.
I have a hard time showing weakness. I wanted so badly to fit in with everyone, do what they were all doing, be part of something epic, and I was...It was just a little more work for me and it took a lot more out of me than I had anticipated.



Update: TOE-TALLY FINE!

Reconstruction, Chemo and Brown Nosing.
Monday: I met Dr. Hainer, Breast Reconstruction. Because I can wear a shirt that says "Front and Back"  it appears that I will have to have expanders for my reconstruction. Apparently, when I told him I just wanted to fill out my bra I have a lot more filling it in then I thought!
He didn't have any problems with me running MCM right before my surgery, this will be my last "Hoorah" when it comes to running this year, God willing.
Monday: Blood work and PA. My adorable PA looked at my toes from running Marquette 50K and asked to take a picture to show DR. Q. My toe was black, a significant blood blister was angry on the top of my toe.
Dr. Q came right in. He wouldn't even look at me. I tried to make jokes and laugh but he was NOT SMILING. "Are you mad at me?" I asked in my most pathetic voice.
"No, I am not mad, I am just very disappointed...."
"Oh my Gosh Dr Q, You clearly have children, you have said that to them too!" That's worse than being mad at me...."
He was NOT laughing.
"Anita, if this toe gets infected you can NOT have chemo Wednesday....."
Wednesday Chemo. "Its better to ask forgiveness than permission." So I came to chemo brown nosing. I bought balloons, Donuts from Holly Donut shop and my mother made me a sign. It had 3 pictures of me from Marquette and I thanked all the nurses, Dr Cotan and staff at my oncology office.
And I sat.….

It takes everything in me to snap a photo after chemo. I am useless. 

They would NOT access my port until Dr. Cotan looked at my stupid toe. I had 3 notes in my file over that toe.

Taxol affects your nerve endings in your fingers and toes. It is very common to have toenails lift and neuropathy. My toenails are showing signs of the Taxol, this blood blister is a precursor to my toenail lifting. 

After almost an hour he comes in. I plaster my biggest smile and before he can speak I say, "I brought you balloons and donuts, the BEST donuts around and we made you this...." I handed him the card mom made for me. And I waited.....
I couldn't see his face, it was hidden behind the cardstock, but I could see he was smiling. He couldn't say anything to encourage my race I just did, I was dying to know what he was thinking. But I saw him smiling. He really liked my card, mom laminated it too. He actually asked if he could hang it, I told him it was his. He said, "This is great, thank YOU..."
He looked at my toe, and I was getting chemo 10 minutes later! I did tell him I was running the Crim, but it was only 10 miles! He has gotten really good at smiling as a response.


Maybe I am a little irresponsible. Maybe I  should act like I have cancer more. Maybe I should allow my body to be miserable, my heart to be broken, my mind to go dark and just get through this whole cancer thing like fine china.
Maybe.
Maybe not.
I am not promised tomorrow. Everyday really is a gift. I want to live life with everything in me. You can still live life with cancer. You can still smile through the tears. You can continue to Dream. Continue to Fight. Continue to Love.

Anita~