Wading through a Rough Week.

I feel like I am barely staying afloat this week.
The week after running a marathon should be considered a "Recovery Week".

Ann Arbor marathon chewed me up pretty good. I haven't been that sore in a long time. It secretly made me happy to feel my body tore up as proof that I ran strong.
My quads were barking at me. Sitting was not a pretty thing. Not like squatting on the toilet is anything attractive but for me it was just comedic. I plopped down squealing as the toilet shook beneath me. I just laughed and winced all at the same time.

I would take the physical pain over the emotional rollercoaster I have had this week.
I lost a young man this week that was very dear to me. I have been a youth leader for about 12 years. We had a terrible loss this week losing one of ours.
This loss came with so much heartache.  Many many people, young and old all broken and hurting in different ways. The sudden loss was like a tidal wave. The waves roaring, powerful, strong, deafening and defeating.
I just attach to all those tears. My heart breaks for them and unravels my grief of my sweet Ariel. I see their breathless affliction and I just want to hold them and cry with them.

The waves of grief crash as the week barely unfold.
I have kept it on the down low, my health has been acting up the last few months.

Between ovarian cysts, lumps in my breast, hemoglobin so low that they are giving me iron transfusions and countless pokes, ultrasounds and appointments I am just trying to stay afloat.
I am tackling one issue at a time with such gratitude. God has a handle on this.
Some of my issues are working their selves out. I do not take for granted anything positive.
"Anita, this looks better, we will see you back in 6 months....." Ah, a breath, a deep breath as God gives me grace.

I try not to get to rattled. But when my sweet cousin asked me to shave her head this past Friday, I got rattled. She has breast cancer and they told her she will lose her hair the second round of Chemo. She gave me the honor to be part of her journey.
She called me last night and gave me the Gonzalas family history....Cancer.  And she was tested to see if she had the gene..."Anita, I have the gene, I needed to tell you that you are a Gonzales, You have to be aware....." She shared a history of breast cancer, lung cancer, spinal cancer, and pancreatic cancer all though out my grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles.
My heart sank with my secret news that I had not told her about.  I confessed. "Lila, I didn't want to tell you, but I am seeing a surgeon Thursday, I had a mammogram a few months ago and had a good screen, but I have found 2 more lumps..."

The waves crashed as I hung up. I felt tears welling in my eyes. "Andy, I am scared, I have tried to be so strong the last few weeks, but I am scared."

The week ended with some very tragic news. More devastating news. My phone hasn't quit going off with so many people hurting and looking for answers and comfort. This ironically has been a good distraction for me. I am so much better at loving on others and would rather that then drowning in my circumstances.

RUNDOWN:
This week I somehow managed almost 37 miles. I was able to get my trail legs back! BACK IN THE WOODS where I belong. The trails are my home. I was able to enjoy both Holly Rec and Holdridge, running the North Loop, the West loop with the Lake loop and the Wilderness trail. I am hitting all my favorite trails.

^{Proverbs 3:5-6} 

Trust in the Lord with all your heart
    and lean not on your own understanding;
 in all your ways submit to him,
and He will make your paths straight.

Anita~