Before I was even awake I knew it was going to be one of those days.
It was 6 am and Andy was in the bathroom brushing his teeth. The water was blasting through the faucet like Niagara Falls. Full blast just running down the sink. "Really Andy." I could hear my aggravation in my mind as I laid there looking like I was sleeping. " How many times have I asked you to not waste water." My thoughts screamed in my head. I looked all sweet and innocent under the blankets but my thoughts described a totally different picture. There was nothing sweet inside my head - actually the sweetest part of me was the fact I kept my thoughts in my head and not out of my mouth.
It wasn't but a few minutes later Alec came to take his fathers place in the bed. But before that little darling climbed in he took a pit stop in the bathroom. That's when I heard that familiar sound or Niagara Falls again. Only this time it was not taking a direct route. It sounded more like it was hitting rocks and trees and spraying rather than descending with grace. This time the words escaped my mouth, "Alec, please wipe the seat down." "I am mom, the light was off and I couldn't see." I was trying to figure this all out at the same time as I was trying to be gentle. No one wants to get barked at first thing in the morning. Or course, showering the bathroom with urine is not one of those areas I like to give grace.
He crawls next to me and I quickly forget my irritation. I lay there for a couple minutes and my bladder tells me it is time to get going. I go in to use the bathroom only to just about slide off the toilet. "UGH, DISGUSTING" Alec didn't wipe it off, He wiped it all over.
And that's when I should have PRAYED!
My morning continued to go sour. My pubescent preteen son was in form. Austin thought that I had a "Help Wanted" sign on. He directed, dictated and decided he was the "Man of the House". Austin, had no idea the battle that I was waging in my head. I am sure if he could have read my thoughts he would have backed down. But, he didn't so that War Zone played itself out in my kitchen. It was not a scene out of The Waltons let's just keep it at that.
When we had all uncomfortably settled down Austin lead the way into the garage to start the car for me. Only The car didn't fully turn over.... I was overcome with a sinking feeling of defeat. I quickly jumped in and turned the key over to hear that familiar clicking sound....The battery was DEAD. Someone had left the light on...AHHHHHHH!!! ...For the record...that never left my mind, I somehow grabbed the reigns to the emotions and bad vocabulary that wanted to erupt from my mouth. "Stay calm, Breath, Think, Stay calm. One thing at a time."
It all worked itself out. The neighbor picked up the boys and got them to school for me. I had to postpone my breakfast with "April", A breakfast we had planned 3 weeks ago. I was supposed to run 8 miles and It was going to rain all day, How was I going to get to the gym with no car? This is when I recognized that God really wanted me to "Be Still".
Ezekiel 36:26 "I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you"I spent the next hour and a half in the Word. Asking for direction and forgiveness. I enjoyed my fellowship and cup of coffee with HIM.
I had NO car, it was raining and I had to run. Mom and dad live 3 miles away. So guess what? Yup! I ran first to the gym to get a couple miles in there and then to their house to get the car! Our legs are another form of transportation!!! I felt so fresh. My legs felt swift and carefree. I felt like I had been given a new heart. A fresh passion. I ran in the rain letting my disappointment from Sundays run be washed away by the rain. The rain washed away that feeling of failure that was stealing my joy and left me feeling restored.
Dreadmill 2.5 miles, repeats.
Ran to mom and dads (3) and ran through their community to get to 8 miles total.
Thursday: 10 miles
Time: 1:19 :42
Wanted to run that last mile at race pace. ....Accomplished!
Deep thoughts on the RUN:
James 1:2-4 " Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."
Today while running I really examined my race last Sunday. I stripped away my grief and disappointment. I realized that since my "Epic Fail" that many of us have them in the tournament of life. But just because we fail does not mean we are a failure. This was an opportunity to Seek God more diligently. To remove all the distractions that have blurred my vision on HIM. On the pavement with the rain against my face the only voice I wanted to hear was HIS. As I looked at the autumn leaves He is all I saw. Through the beauty that trailed around me I saw his companionship and Grace. I saw his Forgiveness and Mercy resting like silk on the path laid out before me.
AND I heard THIS.....Anita, though you may have failed YOUR goal, it was not MINE. You have not failed in my eyes. Through your hardship you have sought me. That is victorious. Your sufferings has not been in vain." Sometimes our sufferings has NOTHING to do with us. It was RIGHT where HE needed me to be.Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; Romans 5:3