Something Between Me and Nothing.

 “Security is mostly a superstition. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.” – Life Quote by Helen Keller

Sometimes you have to experience a bottom to really appreciate the view from the top.

There are people that are born with a spirit of gratitude and humility.

I am not sure I was ever born with that. I can tell you that I have been given many experiences to help me to learn gratitude. I thought by the age of 18 God had supplied me with enough life experiences that I had arrived into adulthood.

I lived on my own.
Both parents had died of addiction.
I worked and went to school.
I was my own best enemy.

Being an ACOA (adult child of an addict) I found myself insecure and yet overly confident.
I felt like every one could read my history. As if I should just wear a tee shirt that read "Trailer Park Girl".
And on the other hand, I walked around with my middle finger up at the world for all the abuse I had to endure.

By the grace of God I grew. God softened my heart and calmed my spirit. He mended my brokenness giving me more confidence in Him and not the world.

I discovered at 40 years old that my own worst enemy was myself. That I had spent all my life fighting with my birth. It was then time to learn to Love Me, even when others didn't.
I was done fighting with people to love me or even like me, I needed to love myself more than I needed love from others.

Finding the bottom of life is a painful season but finding the bottom of yourself can be relentless.

I have drank from the cup of bitterness. When it is all that is offered you can acquire a taste.
You find yourself even grateful for the drink of its affliction.

However,  I have something between me and nothing.
I have hoarded moments of joy, peace, love and comfort.
Like when I was a little girl and would hoard fruit in my drawers, or hide money for when I would have none.
You can not give from an empty account. I have learned to save sweetness when I am in the land of bitterness.
It is a beautiful investment. The more you give the more you get in return.

We all have a story. A chapter of heartache, heartbreak and angst.
Sometimes the chapter feels like an entire novel with a sequel.
Don't deplete yourself. Keep a little something between you and nothing.

Collision: 
I have ran a couple times. Mostly, because I have no bike, no gym and no motivation do anything different.
So I run. Today I tattled on myself to my Physical Therapist, Chris.
Telling him I was sorry, "I know you said running is the worst thing I can do for Plantar Fasciitis...but my mental state was suffering....."
He actually interrupted me and said "Well, actually it isn't the WORST thing you can do, wearing heals is worse..."
Oh NO, confession number 2! Katie, a coworker of mine talked me into these really cute Sorel wedges I wore on Saturday.
I think I am the worst patient ever.

Physical Therapy is working. I can not believe how much better my foot feels in just a week. I couldn't even walk on it 2 weeks ago. It still hurts in the mornings and running more than a couple times a week isn't an option.
But it really is working.
I had an MRI last Thursday for my knee. I should get the results tomorrow.
I am pretty confident it isn't good. I am not sure what is worse, the painful anxiety of knowing I am probably going to have to have surgery or the tumultuous pain of reoccurring knee issues.  

As beat up as I sound there is that little fire, that passion that I have not depleted. That little something between me and nothing.
I got such a kick out of listening to my client Steve Forney describe a motorcycle ride he had last weekend down to Ohio. He has to have a little surgery coming up here but rather than get discouraged he goes for a ride with his buddies.
He takes the lead through the winding roads of southern Ohio. Fearless and full of adrenaline he road on, doing what he loved.

Ride On, do what you Love.
Anita~

 Special Thanks to Carolyn Powell for "Celebrating" me at work. This was the sweetest thing.