Say one thing Positive....

I remember saying to myself and even others, "I know that not every run is going to be good, that I am going to have good runs and bad runs and possibly no runs...."
Even though I know these things, it does not mean that it makes it any easier when you are riding the struggle bus and just want to run.
It is my fault. It is my fault I am not coming out of the treatment as well I have the last couple treatments.
Chemo was on Wednesday. Between Friday and Saturday I hardly ate and definitely didn't drink hardly ANYTHING.
Tina my high school girlfriend went out of her way and brought me a smoothie Friday up to my work. That was about all I could stomach, and no water.
Friday night we had our XC banquet and I had a plate piled high but most of it still rested on my plate.
My thoat hurt to swallow, and I was so nauseas.
Saturday Courtney that I work with bought me a Vernors, I struggled even with that.
I should have forced myself to drink more and flush that poison out of my system a little better. It came back to hurt me.

I was still incredibly nauseas this morning. I got all dressed up trying to overcompensate for my hair loss, nausea and the fact I didn't want to wear a head wrap. But the belly didn't care what I looked like.

I was able to eat a salad after church, and it was actually tasty.

I just wanted to run. The trails were green and pretty but I was still so stinking sick.
I took all the pills I could think of to make me feel better.
My stomach was bloated and gurgly but I laced up anyway thinking maybe running would help.

So here's the deal. It was a battle to finish from the first mile. I couldn't get my heart rate to come down. My heart felt like it was pounding out of my chest.
At mile 2, I was thinking I should turn around.
I was sweating like a stuck pig. Breathing? I was huffing and puffing.
And my poor tummy tooted the entire time, it was awful. (Keeping it real)
Every foot strike was like a blow to my belly. Even with the tooting my abdomen was still a mess! I thought for sure crop dusting for 6 miles would make me feel better, nope.

I guess I started to whine. I felt so discouraged. "I gotta walk..."  "Sorry, walking again.."
"Sorry, this is your slowest run ever..."
Finally Andy gently said, "Ok, say one thing Positive." I was like "WHAT" Andy's coaching me on being positive, well I have heard it all now. I was convicted.

"I get to run today." I whispered.
"Good Nita, that's says a lot."
Yes, today I reminded myself I get to run, or hike, or jog or however you want to describe my 6 mile trail adventure.
I took a second and smelled the wildflowers hidden in the woods.
Not every run is going to be a good run.
I have a pretty nasty cancer with a tough treatment plan and I was able to smell the aroma of trail flowers.
I was better to be sick and running then sick and on the couch.

Sometimes I get discouraged. I am not always smiling despite what you think. Being sick is very discouraging. It really messes with your head.
It was a adolescent reminder, "say one thing Positive."

This week when you hear yourself complaining and whining, no matter how much you might me justified, I challenge your to interrupt yourself and SAY ONE THING POSITIVE."

"Don't try to rush progress. Remember-a step forward, no matter how small is a step in the right direction."  Kara Goucher, World Championship Silver Medalist