It's 8:30 on a Tuesday night.
A total random night to write.
The last few weeks my head has been spinning.
The morning is gone in a blink and darkness closes the days out without a thought.
Some days I feel like I am hanging on by a thread. I am trying to make it to my next appointment, event, or doing with as little damage as possible.
I forget to eat, pee or where I put my purse like a dozen times a week.
I am in a season of life that balance means just keeping my head above water.
I am on week 5 of coaching CC. This is the catalyst to my crazy.
This is the Catalyst to my favorite Chaos.
I just have this passion for kids. I love them. I love their quirkiness. Their individuality. Each of their unique personalities. They are undamaged by the stresses of life, bills, and constant responsibilities.
They get to be ridiculous and silly and it is all accepted, even expected.
I think I am jealous.
This evening was our first home meet.
I wear my pink whistle and good luck "Bucket hat". Every meet I wear a bucket hat.
You will see me running all over the course. I scream and yell.
"UP UP UP and OUT!!"
"PICK up those LEGS, TURN THEM OVER!"
"NEXT GEAR, NEXT GEAR, GOOOOO!"
"KEEP YOUR EYES ON THIER BACK! CLOSE the GAP!"
I hear parents repeating what I say to their kids as I run off to the next point to see other kids.
I see my fastest runner coming down the straight way and I turn in slow motion to find the clock. I know what he has to make to beat his course time. From 50 yards, I run as quick as I can to get to him, "GOOOO SAM!! GOOOOOO!"
Parents are looking at me like a lunatic. And I am. I am crazy for these kids.
I run back to the woods to locate my runners that are in a very competitive pack.
I shout their names, encouraging and coaching them on. I am desperately trying to get them out of their own head.
Sweat is beading across their foreheads. Some look scared. Some look determined and some look like they are savages ready to fight till the end.
I race back to the straight way where I can see the clock.
"YOU GOT 10 SECONDS, YOU GOTTA GOOOOO!" I shout a reminder what they need to make for varsity. I get choked up watching these kids find that next gear. Pain swallowed down when they remember their goals and grit takes over.
Then there is THAT kid. The quiet one. They one you are trying to figure out why he signed up to torture himself for 12 weeks. He is a different mold. My favorite kind of mold.
I see him. His face is grimacing. He turns and sees me. "NOAH, YOU ARE AMAZING!" He looks like a stallion. His hair is flying backwards and his legs are moving like I have never seen from him. He looks like he is going to go airborne.
"NOAH!!! YES! YES! GOOOO!" I am screaming and racing to get to the finish. I just want to hold him. I want to tell him how proud I am of him.
I wrap my arms around him, tears are swelling in my eyes. He gave everything he had. He BELEIVED he could and he DID. He left everything out there. There was NOTHING left in the tank. I knew he was hurting and he ran through it all. He NEVER QUIT.
I had 2 athletes vomit today after the meet. I buy the kids slushies when they run that hard.
It is amazing what we can do when we have people believe in us.
"COACH HARLESS, COACH, I beat my time by 20 seconds..."
I could listen to these kids share their victories all day long. Their smiles, their eyes wide, with excitement is what fills my heart.
Am I tired?
YES. But I am not tired of loving what I do.
The greatest reward is not financial. This is a volunteer position. I actually loose money because I take work off. I don't work I don't get paid.
They greatest payments, greatest reward is the investment of you.
Your reward is NOT what money can buy, not something that collects dust and dirt.
No, the best reward is given from others.
It is the greatest gift you can give.