To Sum it Up with Sheep

We are all evolving sheep. 

"He tends His flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in His arms and carries them close to His heart..." Isaiah 40:11

At 51, I have had my ego handed to me more times than I can count. I've lived through seasons of regret, made countless mistakes, and experienced failed efforts that humbled me to the core. I am my own harshest critic, and yet life, and people have had their way with reminding me who I am and who I am not. 

Through the pain and pruning, I've learned that this is what keeps me running, that and the grace of God. What keeps me PRAYING. 

What keeps me humbly seeking the Lord to refine me. 

Sheeps are Easily Startled. 

Most people fear what they don't UNDERSTAND. 

We feel insecure, intimidated, even judgmental, often without realizing it. Sometimes I watch people and feel inspired, amazed at how they're doing what they are doing. 

But rarely do I think anyone might feel that about me. Mostly because people have a special way of vomiting their thoughts to me that startles me and often just makes them feel better.  This is often because they just don't understand. 

As Good as DEAD Sheep

"Faith over Fear"'. That's easy to say, much harder to live out. This past week was a week of training-HILLS, ELEVATION, SORENESS, FATIGUE AND SUFFERING. It was also a week of SILENCE, SUBMISSION, AND SUFFERING. 

Each run was an act of SURRENDER. Like sheep submitting to a shearer, I was being stripped of the heavy wool that held me back: FEAR, DOUBT, PRIDE, INSECURITY. The kind of weight that isnt just physical but emotional and spiritual. And just like sheep, I was left bare. 

Bare, But Better

When sheep are sheared, they're not comfortable right away. They're exposed, vulnerable, cold. But they are better off. That's the part we like to forget. 

We resist being left bare. We complain, we bicker, and we let that drive us. 

BUT the stillness, the silence of suffering is where the transformation begins. It's where we can hear the Shepherds voice most clearly. 

The FEAR: the Wool begins to Fall

Monday I was meeting Danielle at Highland Rec. I knew the elevation combined with the distance and pace would be challenging. But it wasn't just the hills to conquer, it was the fear. The fear of not finishing, falling, not being able to keep up, it all felt a little overwhelming. 

I had to shear those fears, remove that weighted wool. 

Jossman Rd: The Shearing Continues

A few days later and a still tired body I took on another difficult training run. 20 miles of hill repeats and 2,700 feet of elevation. By the third of 15 repeats, my mind was unraveling, I was praying constantly: for strength, for courage and for stamina. And in that desperate headspace, God answered, not with ease but with endurance. 

Saturdays 50K: The Wool Grows Back

By Saturday, my body was wrecked even with a day of recovery. I needed 30 miles, but Andy was convincing me that I needed a 50K. The wool of doubt had started to grow back. 

The Fear of Injury

The Fear of Failing

The Fear of Pain

And God gave me AGAIN what I needed: company.  I was reminded that I crave companionship, not just in running but in life. People to encourage me, support me, help me and just come along side me. 

Lessons from the Herd

• The real work began when...I submitted to the shearing, removing the wool. We all have a wool that is weighty and holds us down. Fear, ego, insecurity, unforgiveness, is a really heavy load. 
• Pain hurts deeply when... not just physically but behind the smiles, behind the laughter, beneath the surface. That the kind of pain you carry into every mile unless you lay it down. 
• The hardest moment is when...I start. It's usually right out of the gate, standing at the edge of the unknown, wondering if I am going to make it through. But the only way is THROUGH. 

The RUNDOWN

April 14-20th

Distance: 81.55

Total Time: 14h 46min

Elevation Gain: 6,630

RACE WEEKEND: This weekend is TRAIL WEEKEND 50K.

This is one of 2 races prepping me for Sulphur Springs 100. This elevation training is to help me with the races I have on the schedule that all consist of significant elevation. 

ELEVATION: STRENGTH OVER SPEED: While most of us avoid hills or like any good ultra runner we love walking them, they build you both mentally and physically. 

While speed work trains fast-twitch muscles and quickens your pace, elevation work builds strength in your glutes, hamstrings, calves and core. 

MENTAL ENDURANCE: Hills teach you how to suffer well. The climb demands patience and perseverance, which translates to stronger mental stamina on race day. 

Elevation is not FAST, but it is FIERCE. What it lacks in speed, it makes up for in strength and staying power. 

So don't shy away from the climb. Every hill you face on the trail or in life is shaping you into a stronger more resilient version of yourself. Sometimes we just have to have the wool removed to conquer those mountains. 

In Peace, Not pieces, 

Anita