I still get nervous

 

"Fear is part of the process. It's a sign that you care that you're doing something meaningful. The key is to not let it stop you." Courtney Dauwalter

I still get nervous. My stomach turns inside out, my palms get sweaty, and I feel the anxiety of not only what I do know-but everything I don't.

I put on a good front- calm, cheerful, unbothered. It's the ultimate disguise. 

Yesterday, I sat in the backseat on the way to Ann Arbor for the Big House 5K. I HATE 5K's. 

Just a little 5K. 

How does something so "little" manage to make me feel like I might throw up? 

I start questioning everything: my endurance, my pain tolerance, my thoughts of failure. I find a million excuses why I won't be able to do it. And the more the guys talk about it, the more my nerves spiral. 

This is FEAR.

This is ANXIETY.

This is NERVES.

BUT this- this is also training. Not just for my legs, but for my mind. For every fearful thought, I try to speak something stronger, more promising, in return. 

It seems silly, I know. To get this worked up over a 5K. But the truth is- it's not really about the distance.

It's the UNKNOWN.

It's the KNOWN. 

It's knowing I'm going to be uncomfortable. 

Knowing it will hurt.

Knowing I could fail. 

That I could get injured.

That I could be disappointed.  

It's knowing I'll have to fight a million thoughts urging me to quit. Because that's the real battle-Not the run, bit the voices in my head. 

And honestly? 

I think it takes more strength to fight those voices than it does to run the miles. 

It's a constant clamor. 

But maybe-just maybe-that clamor is where the real work gets done. 

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer, and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Phil. 4:6-7

RACE RECAP

Before the race started, we did a mile warm-up and some strides. Jazz our running friend was committed to helping Andy PR this race. 

We lined up in the corral with 10,000 other runners. 

As the National Anthem played, I closed my eyes and prayed. 

Everything lined up perfect. Beautiful weather, a fun and exciting course, Jazz pacing us and encouraging us and the Lord hearing my prayers. 

The three of us came down the tunnel together, into the stadium and finished all together giving Andy a PR and the Lord giving me the strength and perseverance to stay with the boys. Especially after running a 26.2-mile training run the day before. 

The Lord is so good. 

THE RUNDOWN:

April 7-13

Distance: 82 miles

Elevation: 6,027ft

I still get NERVOUS. I get nervous for races, and I get nervous for training runs. This week almost every training run had me rattled. If it wasn't the distance, it was the elevation and if those weren't a factor then it was speed or overall fatigue. 

FEAR is POWERFUL. It shows up LOUD, demanding to be heard. It loves an audience. It hijacks thoughts, breath, even the body-and if we're not careful, it hijacks our choices to. 

BUT we don't have to give our power away to fear. 

That 5K unearthed the same battle I know I''ll face in just a few weeks when I stand at the starting line of my 100-miler over Memorial Day weekend. 

The training is hard. Brutal, even. There is a deep loneliness of choosing the hard thing OVER and OVER. 

It doesn't get easier from here. SUCH IS LIFE. 

Because LIFE is RELENTLESS. It gives us obstacles daily-grief, disappointment, conflict, UNKNOWNS. 

We don't just have to get through these things, we have to keep going through them. 

"We take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." 

2 Cor. 10:5

A SPECIAL SHOUT OUT to my running partners this week. TO JADA- Jazz, Donny and Andy. These guys are such a family. They are no nonsense, no frills, just total cheerleaders. They are as genuine as it gets. 

To Christina and Theresa, these gals are PURE GRIT. they never have a crack in their armor. I am always so inspired by their strength and resilience. 

Pam, Kara and Lynn, these girls are full of adventure, girls after my heart. They join me in my shenanigans, from dancing to going off course to trailblazing through uncharted territory. 

Danielle, my longest running partner, she keeps me honest, makes me work hard and is such a sweet soul. I am blessed to have her friendship. 

And then there's Andy and my buddy Joe. We all need a Joe in our life. Someone to yell at us, call us out, verbally abuse us and remind us that suffering is "Good Training" and he would love to help you suffer. 

ANDY, my favorite running partner of all. My biggest fan, my greatest cheerleader and the love of my life. 

Thank you to all those who have helped me last week and today. I need all the inspiration, encouragement and support. 

In Peace, Not Pieces,

Anita