People watching has been the best.
At 44 years old, I am still tucking myself in a bikini. Of course I don't have the body I had in my 20's but I put my bathing skirt on covering my less than desirable middle age saddle bags and I make sure I have my favorite coverup with me as I drool at the perky butts on the beach.
Behind us I caught a glimpse of a very skimpy bikini. It wasn't really the small amounts of fabric that caught my eye as much as it was the rock hard buns glistening in the sun. I was so glad I had my dark Goodr's on as I just stared. "WOW! Lacey, check that out...." She had VERY little fabric covering her perfectly round tush and she could have modeled those buns in a Athleta catalog.
"OH well Lacey, It is what it is..." We giggled at our middle aged mom bodies. We both work hard for what we have but neither of us have the energy to work any harder than we do.
Squats, lunges, even crunches these days are not consistent.
I have the same dimples I had when I was 9 months old, "Lacey, I am good with it...."
I do what I love, and I love what I do, RUN. But even this week I struggled wondering what the purpose was.
I questioned every fiber in me. My emotions got the best of me as a funk of dark matter seeped into me.
Defeat and discouragement swept over me. I thought about things foreign to me. I had a hard time even smiling. NUMB, I felt numb. And at the same time I was in a whirlwind of confusion.
I cried, I screamed, I hated who I saw.
The idea of doing anything more than running was never going to happen especially when even running seemed like something I didn't want to do.
Lightly, I shared a little with Lacey. "Anita, you need to run..."
"When my Spirit grows faint within me, it is you who know my way...."
Psalm 142:3
She was right. Depression was making me want to quit, even quit the very thing I love. I didn't want to pray, I didn't want to talk, I didn't even want to RUN.
"Anita, I will be at your house at 6am and run an hour of your long run with you."
I needed the help, the encouragement, the motivation.
20 miles today. I thought I was going to either NOT run it or run solo.
I was so happy when Lacey pulled into my driveway at 6am.
77' degrees out.
NO trails, No backroads, the Black Flies are satanic, blood sucking evil creatures.
This meant SUN.
With only a half of a cup of coffee in me and no breakfast we took off towards downtown Holly.
My legs felt heavy but good.
I breakfast, my belly cant eat that early.
The morning was thick with humidity making the sweat present itself quickly. But the sun stayed behind the trees making that first hour not too bad.
I was sad to see Lacey go. I ate a banana quickly and filled my handheld up with ice cubes.
Back at it for about 14 more miles.
I had my music in my ears, feeling more alive than I had in days.
Even though the temperatures were holding at about 78' degrees, I still had no direct sun and a gently breeze blessed me all the way down N. Holly rd.
Rachel set out an aid station for me. At mile 14ish, I was so excited to refill my water and swallow a salt tab.
I didn't want to stop too long. I quickly took back off and headed back home, less than 7 miles to go.
I knew I was running strong. I thanked God and tried not to cry. Undeserving, I felt humbled and unfit for such a great run.
Distance: 20 miles.
Time: 3h:11min
Pace: 9:34min/mi
I have no idea where this run came from. It wasn't me! I was and am pretty stoked still! God is Good.
Anita~
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