Then Sings my Soul.

I was holding the universe arrogantly, confidently, pridefully when death boldly came in to wreck my world. 

I touched it. or maybe it touched me. 

It invited me, held me, captured me, and wouldn't let go. 

Death. And it wouldn't let go. 

Death whispered gently to me, luring me into his arms. 

Day to night, I felt the grips of life release me. 

My spirit drunken by its grip, vulnerable to the power it possessed over me. 

***** 

I sang the words as if I was the only one in the auditorium. 

"Then sings my soul, my Savior God to Thee

How great Thou art, how great Thou art.."

With tears streaming down my face, unaware of those worshipping around me, I sang wondering why death lost its grip on me. 

There is not a day that goes by that I will ever forget the smell of death, the taste of death, the invitation to death.

It is the peace of death that haunts me- that quiet place you feel yourself warming up to, the one you've' spent so long fighting, only finding yourself beginning to welcome. 

I don't hold the universe haughtily like I did before cancer, with a tight grip fists and reckless pride. Truth is I have learned to not hang on to a lot these days. 

I hold close to My Lord. And I know He is the one that holds me. 

Thats what DEATH will do to you. It will wreck you, break you, dissemble you. 

You succumb to it all the while fighting for something. Fighting for all the things you think matter, all the dreams you believe are substantial, you're fighting your past, your present and you convoluted future as if you possess the power to overcome your future demise. 

Oh, you silly human. 

"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear not evil, for You are with me; Your rod and your staff, they comfort me."  Psalms 23:4

In the shadow of death, I learned what it means to be held.

To be carried.

To be Known by ONE. 

Life is beautiful. And fragile. Live it intentionally, with forgiveness, love, compassion. 

May these words encourage you and be an invitation to hold people close, NOT things, not ideas or not even yourself...Sometimes we cling to tight to OURSELVES. 

IN PEACE, NOT Pieces,

Anita