The Depths

"I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live." Deut. 30:19 

I was born a nobody. 

I came from nothing.

And I was only expected to be a nobody. 

Harsh words. But they were true. The weight of my past once felt inescapable. A calling that always whispered. 

My cousin Vince recently sent me a photo of one of the houses I lived in before I entered the foster care system. An old red brick vernacular style home. The paint was peeling, the deck falling apart, planks missing like the gaps in a broken story. 

My story. 

The windows-some cracked, some veiled by blinds, hiding the brokenness within. But even in that wreckage, the exterior was still the best part. 

What happened inside told a different story-one of chaos, pain, hopelessness, chained to more hopelessness. 

When my cousin asked if I remembered the house, I wished I didn't. I hate that I have such darkness in my memory. I often search the depths of my mind, looking for moments of light, a spark, a glimmer, but I return empty. 

The memories I do retrieve, I toss back into the abyss, unsure if they're even worth holding onto. But even in those moments, I remember- I HAVE A CHOICE. 

The CHOICE:

A choice to OVERCOME. 

A choice to change the course of history for both myself and my family. 

A choice to live in HOPE. 

A choice to live free from the bondage of addiction. 

A choice to forgive even the nonspeakables. 

A choice to follow the LORD. 

None of these choices have been easy, but they have been worth it. 

"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God. Romans 12:2

The Power of CHOICE

Every day we face choices. We can let excuses direct us, or we can take responsibility and ownership. We all have scapegoats. I have a abyss of them. It's easy to ride on blame. But blame doesn't change our reality. 

We can't always change how we feel, but we can change how we respond. 

"Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward what is ahead, I press toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Phil 3:13-14 

That was the case two weeks ago when I realized I missed my milage. I couldn't go back and fix it but I could be more intentional last week. 

Training Plans and Life Plans

My training plan is a collection of different runs. Some days are easy, others are hard. I can miss a run or fall short of a milage goal, and to others, it might still look like success. But I know where I fell short. 

Life is the same. 

Success in my running isn't defined by perfection-as much as it is progress. And progress looks different to different people. 

Lifes journey is a series of choices, and just like in my running I have to make choices. 

My running plan isn't going to work if my plan doesn't have RUNNING in it! 

Our life plans for success have to have the common thread of intentional growth and for me that is my FAITH. 

THE RUNDOWN: 

80/20 rule: 

80% of runs should be at LOW intensity (Easy pace, conversational effort)

20% of runs can be moderate to high intensity (tempo, intervals, hills)

HEART RATE ZONES:

Zone 1-2 Easy effort (below 75% max HR) for endurance

Zone 3-4 Moderate to high effort for speed and strength (About 75%_90% max HR)

MON 18.33miles, TRAIL miles, HIGH elevation, 17% zone 1, 83% zone 2, pace 11:25min/mi

RACE, POT-O-Gold 4 miler, 2.5%zone1, 79.1%zone2, 18.4%zone 3, pace 7:25min/mi

TUES. Streak mile

WED: 7.25miles, 3.4% zone 1, 96.6% zone 2, 8:26min/mi

THUR: 17.39miles, 18% zone 1, 81% zone 2, pace 11:13min/mi

FRI: streak mile

SAT: 20.10miles 51% zone 1, 49% zone 2, pace 9:46min/mi

SUN: 12.14miles HR 46% zone 1, 50% zone 2, pace 11:15min/mi, Walked .70mile cooldown

I got over 80 miles last week. But this was all about EFFORT not INTENSITY.  

Just as I lace up my shoes and hit the path before me, whether I feel like it or not, I choose to stay on course. And when I fall short, I don't quit-I remember that darkness. Careful not to let it bait me but enough to let it inspire me. 

I remembered the feeling a couple weeks ago when I realized I fell short of my miles. I also REMEMBER some of those runs I didn't FEEL like doing. 

Some of those days I was miserable and quit. 

I had a choice...some days the choice is easy, some days you have to go into the depths of your darkness to keep you moving forward. 

In peace, not Pieces,

Anita