One week out and reflecting on a conversation I had with my son, Austin. A couple days out from the race and Austin was sharing with me something new he is going to try for the month of June. Something that I just didn't understand, but that I was curious about and in that position, I said, "it doesn't have to make sense to everyone else-as long as it makes sense to you."
I suppose that was my own free commercial, to what running 100 miles must look like to others.
Some wonder about the point, the purpose and even the payoff.
Andys mom worries not stop.
Alec thinks it's stupid and pointless.
But others? Some are inspired, some are drawn by curiosity, many are encouraged and even more are encouraging.
A Christmas gift from Andy, also an invitation to suffer that I specifically asked for.
I came into this race trained and capable of running 100 tough miles. I had prepared for the course, the elements, the elevation, the conditions. I didn't train to RACE it to the death of me; I trained it to ENDURE it, there's a difference.
I believed my body could do this 100 mile thing and even live to tell about it! But I also didn't wasn't to push myself to the brink of breaking. I wasn't willing to trade joy for relentless fatigue vomiting, or a summer injured. I didn't want to finish completely hollowed out by agony.
I wanted to enjoy what I had trained so hard for-to carry JOY through every mile, even in the pain.
- Start Time: 6:15am
- Weather: Brisk 48', overcast
- Runners nearly 100 lined up for the 100 miler.
STRATEGY & PACING PLAN
- Loop One sub 2h30 min. Run solo. I wanted to feel the terrain under my feet, see the course with fresh eyes, and let the silence teach me how to move through it. It was mu way of settling in, discovering the rhythm of the day and deciding how to run the next 7 loops
- Loops 2-5 Joe would jump in, he was running the 100k but would pace me to his finish. maintaining a steady effort trying hitting these loops under 2h45min-3hours.
- Loop 6 Pick up Sarah, whose energy would help lift my spirits and I could be recharged.
- Loop 7 Pick up Andy, who would be a bit tougher on me, he is very competitive.
- Loop 8 Sarah and Andy would split this 12.7 mile loop, giving me the best of both worlds to the finish.
GOAL: SUB 24 hour. My Friends set a 22 hour goal for me, not out of pressure but belief.
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Loop ONE-The Calm before the Climb!
The start was a cluster mess. Thankfully they had set our tent up the night before because there was no parking and with about 15 minutes before the race we had to jump out of the car to get to our tent. Emotions and anxiety were high, and I felt bad for Andy. With just a few minutes before I started Andy made it, giving us enough time to pray and for him to see me off. I felt peace as I headed to the corral, I took off in the second wave with crowds and excitement surrounding me.
The first quarter mile of the loop is wonderfully deceptive. an easy downhill road but what goes down must come back up and I knew that same climb would greet me at the end of every loop, including the finish.
The first mile I was finding my flow, my legs were fresh, and my mind was clear and pain free. The energy of the runners and the spectators was on tilt. Cananda's landscape wrapped around us like a dream, lush woods, fast moving streams, a little waterfall tucked in the trails edge, beauty was everywhere.
Mile 3 was a mud-soaked trial. A slick downhill along a narrow ridge covered in black heavy roots and deep shoe sucking mud. I grabbed the branches to steady myself as my feel slipped out from me several times. Running was IMPOSSIBLE. The more I tried to tiptoe around the mess, the more it pulled me in, this went on, up and down for 3/10ths of a mile.
I ran with intention when I could. It was suffering and sanctuary. I calculated each step, not racing others but focused on racing well. I wanted to run wise and that meant being fully present in this first loop.
The terrain shifted constantly- from wide, well-traveled paths to forest floors lined with mossy boulders and stoic pine trees. One moment I was weaving through towering evergreens: the next, crossing open plains and full sun. The hills kept coming, steep climbs and sharp descents. The breaks were short lived, and my heart rate barely had time to recover.
Mile 9 several loops converge. It was here that I first saw Andy M then within just a couple minutes Joe. With a quirky smile Joe yells passing me "Watch out for mile 9...." I was going into mile nine and learned very quick what he meant by that.
A small sign stuck in the ground welcomed the runners, WELCOME TO THREE SISTERS..." What followed was a brutal 0.3 miles of three hills, each one steeper and longer than the last. At the top of each climb, a sign waited- not an encouragement, but a reminder of the pain. And just when you think you're done? There's one more a$$ kicker- we labeled the Evil Cousin.
After that final gut punch, and calculating my body battery I discovered I had about 2.5 miles to go. Thankfully two of those miles were a steady fade downhill only to be greeted with that start- now a steep, climb to the finish of the loop where people were cheering you on helping you get up that God forsaken hill.
I FINISHED the loop wide eyed looking for Andy! There he was full of smiles and hugs determined to get me out there right away.
Loop 2 began with Joe waiting to jump in. Joe registered for the 100K and would pace me therough the next four loops. After running solo, it felt good to fall in step with someone familiar.
I was also curious how he had experienced the course, what his take was. We laughed comparing notes as we kept pace letting runners pass us. The trail was still crowded and buzzing with fast runners. We stayed disciplined discussing our mental notes of agony.
The miles passed quick, but we were both in recovery mode. Joe clearly had not gotten better from his chest cold he had for the last weeks and me from my post 100k sinus infection that had left me drained. I had just finished my antibiotics and was still congested, but Joes coughing sounded way worse. My legs felt heavy, my heart rate was high, and when my watch showed -1 performance condition, I had to laugh. Yep-definitely not 100%.
Between Joes coughing and some runners struggling with personnel space I had moments that i felt like I was in a bad skit. One of the runners literally ran within inches of Joe and I with a boom box blaring Anime` music, it was so weird, his coughing fits couldn't even scare her away.
Joe cracked up when we hit the THREE SISTERS as I said, "So this is what you meant about mile 9!" My short legs trailed behind those climbs and by the final hill to the finish, I could only laugh-six more times to go.
Loops 2 finished quick, we were still on track and the road was covered with shouts of encouragement and music was blaring more energy helping us to pick up that final ascend with a run to the mat, "NITA Harless is coming in..."
LOOP 3-Loyalty over Legacy
Loops three felt like rain was on the edge of every breath. The woods were thick with damp air, but emotionally, I was steady and clear minded. I knew now where the hard parts lived-where my legs would ache, and where the trail would bite.
Andy was wonderful, he did a check on fluids and fuel and pushed Joe and I out again.
But it didn't take long before we heard what sounded like a Chinese casino. I heard that women with the boombox, and it made you laugh, only for a moment. The Anime music blared behind us trying not to look but you had to because it was the oddest thing. She hovered over our heels, wouldnt pass and wouldn't fall back. I tried to extend grace, but eventually stepped aside to let her pass only to have her again glue herself behind us.
Even Joe stepped off to get her to leave our line of running,
Joe continued to cough, and it began to get deeper and more frequent. Our pace slowed down. Joes breathing, which had been shaky, now turned to full blown spasms. It would stop him mid step. Other runners glanced back, curious as it sounded like Joe coughed up the only lung he has. I could tell I was pulling him trying to keep pace, "Joe, you ok?' I asked several times thinking how ridiculous that sounded. About halfway through the loop he said, "Do what you need to do.."
Eh... That left me in a little bit of an integrity dilemma.
- Yes, this was my "A" race.
- But finishing 20 minutes later than I wanted mattered less than supporting Joe who was out there supporting me.
- It came down to being a friend trumping the race.
We made it through, a little ugly, Joes breathing much more labored and his coughing was deep and guttural making him have to even stop of the trail to realign himself, but we made it back up the road to the mat where Andy awaited looking a little confused.
I headed out solo again. It was going on 2pm. I felt bad leaving Joe, but we all knew it was the right call. Joe would finish; it was going to be a rough race.
I was now nearly 38 miles in. I put in my headphones for a little musical motivation and focused on staying steady. Hydration was going well-water and SKRATCH and the real MVP was Kendall's Sourdough bread. Andy had slathered it with almond butter, and it tasted like manna from Heaven!
This bread became a staple for me.
The aid stations were spaced great, I managed to eat consistently, knowing to eat heavy now because my stomach wouldn't tolerate food later.
I was excited to find a "Cheater" route on mile 3 where the sucky mud section was. It removed about 40ft and the steepest part of the descend. I was still grasping trees to get down, but it was a lil better.
But those hills...the hills were starting to win. I slowed up more with each climb and found myself walking stretches I'd run earlier. Still the rain held off, my spirits stayed strong as I encouraged ever runner.
Hope still remained intact, I was still in it, still pressing forward and in constant conversation with God.
Heading into loop 5, I felt disgusting. Exhausted, sweaty, confused on what loop I was even in, I didn't know what I needed but I knew I was on the edge and needed to see Andy to help me. My emotions were EVERYWHERE. When I came into the aid station, all I really wanted was a hug. I hadn't seen Sarah yet and there she was too; tears streamed my face.
Andy, ever efficient, wanted me in and out-but I knew I needed a RESET. Our tent was right off the course waiting for me. They stripped my clothes off like a tire change and dressed me back up. I washed up, brushed my teeth and drank some orange juice and took a Zofran my belly was beginning to turn.
After 50 miles I was unraveling, and the smell of fabric softener and clean socks gave me a second wind.
This would be my last lighted loop- I had to make it count.
I ran solo once more. Slower, yes, but more grounded. I saw Andy M out there, with hiking poles still moving and still smiling. I had questioned bringing poles, but I didn't train with them, I trained hard to not use them because for me I fumble too much, and I saw several runners struggling with them in the same way.
Andy M had mentioned he had "blown out his quads" and boy did I emphasize with that as well as a churning belly.
My Andys hug, was still carrying me. The Zofran helped but I still wasn't sure if I needed a port-pooper or more food.
Either way, I kept moving, night was coming and the temps were dropping.
LOOP 6: picking up my pacer, not my pace.
What carried me into loop six was knowing that my pacer, Sarah was waiting for me. I was depleted in every way, so I knew she would help me recharge not just my body but also help me realign my mind. Andy had prayed over me before we left helping my spirit have a little more.
When Sarah and I headed out of the tent it was dusk. I didn't have much to give. I wanted to talk, bit all I could manage were one-word answers. Still, I loved hearing her voice-it was a lifeline. She laughed with me, distracted me, and let me just exist alongside of her.
When we approached the bridge with the waterfall, I was excited to tell her to get her phone out. I loved sharing all this beauty with her and hearing her "Oooh and Ahhh" made me smile when I didn't know I was capable. When the trail opened up to the wide field, I shared how it reminded me of Colorado together, and when we hit the dreaded mud slide it was fun to hear her affirmation to how grueling it was and the same as Three Sisters. She even made several jokes "I can't wait for Andy to experience this.!"
Sarah was also strategic. I was barley keeping anything down, and she reminded me how powerful the mind was. She could see that I was dry heaving and not getting any calories down. "You have to mind over matter it, you are letting you mind control you..." Sarah says to me as I was holding a gel that I desperately needed for both energy and calories.
"Give me a minute" I respond and started running again. I had to process what she said. And abruptly I said, 'GIVE Me the GEL.", and just like that I swallowed it and kept up with her.
She helped me get 2 gels down, potato bites and we discovered a miracle, bananas!
My stomach was still a mess, and I really was falling apart. I was gagging regularly, often searching for a tree to brace myself as I retched. I was slipping more, I landed in the thick mud, my balance was fading like everything else.
Sarahh kept me moving. She braced me up hills, she held space for my suffering and reminded me I get to do this, even when it felt impossible.
Sarah wasn't just my pacer, she was my minds defender when my mind was acting against me.
MILE 7; Dark, Damp and Dreadful
This loop had been strategically planned. Andy would join me now, my rock, my anchor, the man that knew what I was made of and what I was capable of.
It was our ANNIVERSARY, 28 years and somehow it felt fitting that we'd be side by side through one of the hardest stretches of this journey.
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| Sarah and Andy working together discussing me! |
Over 75 miles in and Andy wants to run with purpose! He had a 22 hour goal for me, which made me quietly prickly. Or maybe Andy calling me "grumpy" was what me prickly. I knew he meant well. I also knew he believed in me. But I hadn't set that goal for myself, and when your deep in the pain locker, anything unreachable can feel unbearable.
Within minutes on the trail, he was stunned by the difficulty. "I had no idea," he admitted. I could feel his pride in me, not in what I still had to dome but in what I had already done. And that meant everything to me.
Running into 20 hours so many things can happen, like my watch needed to be charged, and my phone needing charged and my head lamp beginning to flicker. Andy had everything covered for me. That was not the only battery that was going out!
I was even sicker. I had taken another Zofran. Every time my heart rate climbed- I was retching and dry heaving. I couldn't run more than 4-5 minutes at a time without gagging. The cold night air had moved in and I could see my breath. I was so grateful that I had did another clothing change, putting some running pants on.
Noting sounded good. I nibbled on more potatoes and bananas, praying it was enough to keep my engine running. I saw Andy M still grinding through with blown out quad and felt so proud of him.
My Andy kept me moving, he let me be vulnerable when he realized the intensity of the 12.7-mile loop.
Three Sister really had Andy feeling my pain. He said multiple times, "Anita, I have only done this 1 time, I have no idea how you have done this 7 times."
Andy kept me moving, but I was really looking forward to a nap, the closer we got to finishing out the loop the more I knew I was not getting a nap. If I wanted to finish in sub 24 hours I was going to need to keep moving.
The final loop Andy and Sarah decided to split, Sarah the first 6 and Andy the second 6. They had found a road that Andy would drive to and they two would switch. I LOVED that idea.
LOOP 8- Three Hearts, One Finish
Mile 87. About 3am. Sarah and Andy had been tag teaming to keep me upright. I had tried some broth, some coffee, and even a little more sourdough bread, I really needed calories, but my stomach wasn't about that. I knew the finish was within reach. I had a Facebook post that I had asked for people to pray for me. I had received messages during the last 20 hours encouraging me along with all those praying for me. Andy said so many people had reached out to him and were cheering me on from afar. I could feel this love as I began to conquer that final loop.
EVERYTHING HURT. The cold wind cut through me, the pebbles felt like daggers, and my new shoes-while cushy couldn't hide how broken my body was. But my mind was set, I followed Sarah, pulling from her energy, letting her pace me, encourage me, feed me potatoes and hope.
Andy came jotting down the trail out of nowhere! He was there to join me for the final stretch; it was crazy how fast that 6 miles with Sarah had been. I could feel how proud Andy was of me.
Andy M appeared on the trail heading to his final ascend at the place I was 5 miles to go. He was stunned to see me, he was finishing his race, and I was so jealous. Seeing him gave me a jolt, a painful but glorious pep in my step.
Andy nudged me to get going, coaxing me onward. The sun began to rise, I felt like it was moving faster than me when Andy whispers, "Nita, the day is breaking..."
Three sisters still loomed ahead only this time I was excited to see her for the last time. I kept my head down and just kept climbing, maybe because it was so dark it didn't seem as bad, I couldn't see the hill, I could only feel it. I had no concept of distance anymore, no math left in my little brain. But then, the finish line was so close, we were back where we had seen Andy M, making that final ascend, that last hill of agony.
"Come on, honey, run it in." Andy encourages me.
Oh man that was so hard. I walked 2/3's of the hill before I tried to pull my legs into a jog. It was 5 in the morning and people were out there cheering me on. Broken, slow and tearful-but I ran with nothing left by gratitude into the finish line. Andy and Sarah were at the top waiting for me.
My Garmin read 99.78. Of course it did. So in the light I kept running and both Sarah and Andy ran alongside me that quarter mile. That finish-surrounded by both LOVE, GRIT and JOY was more than I could have imagined.
By the time I crossed the finish, the field looked like a ghost town. Most of the tents had been packed up, crews were gone and the excitement and chaos had been replaced by soft voices of cheer and quiet smiles of encouragement. But the sky broke open in a soft blue light, as if to say 'YOU DID IT!"
Andy wrapped his arms around me and gently guided me to the antigravity chair and wrapped me up in a blanket as I shivered uncontrollably. The two of them moved in sync, breaking down camp, repacking bags, and hauling gear to the car. They worked like a team because that's exactly what they were: An Incredible Team.
Thats what a good crew does. They anticipate need before you can speak to them. They think when your brain is mush, they fuel you, they dress you, they medicate you, and everything in between.
They know when to push, when to pause, when to hold your hand or your head, and when to let you go.
They see you at your most raw and love you through it anyway.
My FINISH time was 23 hours and 7 minutes. Just a whisper away from breaking 23 hours., a PR.
A victory, no matter the clock.
BUT more than that I give ALL the Glory to God. I am humbled by the grace poured out over every mile. I felt the prayers-woven int the trees, the mud, the sky, the hills and I carried them with me.
Sulphur Springs gave me a new kind of humility. A deeper understanding of Joy and Suffering. A reverence for how much we can endure, and how small we really are in the vast, untamed wilderness of life.
Every turn held the power to undo me. The elements were fierce, relentless and unyielding in their beauty and brutality.
AND YET, I was carried. NOT by my own strength, but by the ONE who commands the wind and rain.
What I walk away with isn't just a buckle or a time. It's a quiet, holy knowing: that REISLIENCE IS BORN IN SURRENDER, and that we are never alone, even in the darkest woods.
Thank you all for the love, support and prayers,
In Peace, Not pieces,
Anita
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| Congrats to Andy M and a big thank you to his wife Kendall for all the little she shared with me that made a BIG difference. |
