Outside Looking In

"The struggle is not pointless, a better you lies ahead." Jenny Simpson Olympian

I wake up, stumble to the kitchen counting another night of 4 hours of sleep wondering how long one can sustain colliding evenings like this. I make my coffee like its a priceless masterpiece, because it is. 

After a couple slurps, the steam fogging my glasses, life begins to take form and I forget all about not sleeping for the 4th night in a row. 

I open my bible with my notebook, highlighter and pen ready for God to speak into me into His gracious ways. 

 

And I ponder.

"Look at all you have accomplished in three years." 

I stared at that text from a dear friend as I left for my oncologist.

Monday, I had my 6 month check up. As I was getting ready I laughed to myself as I curled my HAIR. 

As I put mascara on my EYELASHES. 

As I colored in my EYEBROWS.  

I left early for my 1:20 appointment to get cookies from the Village Bakeshop for all my staff at MHP Oncology. 

I was excited to see them all. 

"HI! Anita!" The staff all greet me with so much love. Or maybe it was the box of cookies! 

My tech came around to bring me back to get my blood. I hate getting poked but I act fearless and smile. 

She is beautiful, she had deep brown skin, flawless and glossy long black hair, and her smile was sweet. 

I lift my sleeve, lay my arm on the cold stand and take a deep breath. I giggle with some nervous joke and look away as she quickly ties my arm up and pokes that needle into my vulnerable vein, gathering 4 vials of my blood. 

I think, I did this every week for months, 2 times a week for months. 

Thank you Lord. Thank you for equipping me to endure. 

THANK YOU FOR 3 Years and another 6 months! 

And I ponder. 

The OUTSIDE looking IN. 

"Look at all you have accomplished in three years." 

My mornings start out as I described. Sometimes I forget all I have accomplished. 

MY LIFE is the SUM of:

• SUM-HOW
• SUM-WAY
• SUM-WHERE
• SUM-TIMES
• SUM-BODY

SUMHOW I have to let it all go and TRUST. I have to just do it afraid. I have to Believe that God will make a way when there seems no way. 

SUMWAY It will all work out. It may look different than I would have planned but I have to let God frame it, stepping back and look at it different. 

SUMWHERE there is life to live. Life is meant for the living. There are dreams to accomplish, goals to reach, life to love and people to reach. 

SUMTIMES life just feels so unfair. Tell me about it. I had already lived a life full of grief, disappointment, abuse and chaos before the age of 19. SUMTIMES life isn't fair but that doesn't mean we quit living our fullest life. Joy isn't SUMTIMES, it is all the time. 

SUMBODY loves you, believes in you, is encouraged, inspired, and is watching you from the OUTSIDE looking In. 

TO SUM IT UP:

"Who is the man who desires life and loves length of days that he may see good." Psalm 34:12

 I read my sweet friends text as I drove back home. My arm was throbbing from my blood draw and I smiled for the pain. A small price to pay. 

Take my blood. 

Take my ovaries.

Take my boobies.

Take my hair and TAKE what you have to take but YOU Can't Have my Spirit. Though my Spirit was disabled it was not disarmed. 

3 years later and I was reminded I have been LIVING LIFE. A life so different.  

I have been redeemed, recovered, renewed. 

Beauty from Ashes.  

My Dear Friend has been on the sidelines watching me. And very gently she reminds me. 

Life is a SUM of many things. Beautiful things. Painful things. The Lord is not def or blind to our prayers or our pains. 

Whether it is the throb of a needle poke from the unfairness of life or it is the agony of grieving muscles from the desires of our heart, pain speaks volumes. Victory or victim. 

Choose Victory.  

In PEACE, NOT pieces, 

Anita~

Bear Lake Ultra Recap: His Power

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.2 Corinthians 12:9

 I am four days out from running almost 24 hours at Bear Lake and my body still feels like its been through a meat grinder. 

I have taken my time to rest and reminisce on not just the race but all the training miles leading up to Saturdays ultra event. 

 As I tried to write down some of the details of the race, I discovered a lot of the details started with the letter "P". So to add a little character to this "Post" I am going share my recap highlighting the "P's" in running Bear Lake Ultra. 

The PREP: 

I used Hal Koerners Field Guide to Ultra Training for my training plan. I averaged 50-60 miles a week throughout the summer, running trails about once a week. 

Rob always has the BEST SWAG ever!! PILOT bags!

The PATH/PAVEMENT: 

Bear Lake Ultra is a 3.1 mile course that is mostly trails except for the road to the cabins and field. The trail is NO JOKE, with close to 300ft of dusty, rooty elevation it is a terror to the toes. You run a tenth of a mile in front of the cabins that is paved, this is a reprieve after you have tried not to go head over toe downhill to get there. 

Complete RUNNER 

The PLAN: 

My plan was to try by the grace of God to run all night. 

I wanted to run through the aid station every 2 loops and stop at the 3rd loop to refuel and hydrate. 

So every 9 miles I would stop. I wanted to do this for 27 miles. From there the plan would evolve to stopping every 2 loops in hope I could maintain that all night giving me an aid station every 6 miles. 

Rachel was coming out at 9pm to pace me through the night. Andy was running during the day but would crew me through the night. 

THE FIRST 27.

As the National Anthem played I bowed my head in PRAYER. 

~Praying for His Strength, Perseverance and Protection. I have been praying the Lord would use me in my miles. I prayed that NO MATTER the outcome the Lord would use it ALL for His Glory.

The race then kicked off with Rob entertaining us with fireworks! 

That first 27 miles, I think I only ran a couple miles with Andy and somewhere I lost him. 

I ran with Joe playing a game of "Who sings this?". "No Sunshine" was blasting through my speaker while Joe was asking every runner who sang it! Surprisingly, it took about a dozen runners to answer it right, do you know?

By 11am I was still searching for Andy and running solo. Every loop I noticed someone had PLACED 2 bags of chocolate chip and M&M cookies on a chair. I was salivating at this point and snuck into the bag a grabbed a cookie. I WOULD LOVE to know who's cookies those were, They were like manna from Heaven, I'm pretty sure my tongue smacked my brains! 

I made about 20 rocks from mantra runners had given to me prior to the race. Runners moved them all day through the woods. These were some of the photos I snagged that some of the runners had taken. 

THE PASSION-Pushing 30 miles and beyond: 

I had been running for miles alone. I kept my smile even though I was placing too much value on my thoughts, on my PAIN, my feet were beginning to hurt. As my spirits began to fade Alecia Keys, UNDERDOG came though my speaker to motivate me. To remind me of my PASSION and part of the PURPOSE of me running. 

• I Run for many reasons. I run to represent the UNDERDOG. 
• I Run for the one that doesn't fit in. 
• I Run for the one people said wouldn't make it. 
• I Run for the one that fights all of hell for a second chance, for a little grace. 
• I Run for the one this world has have tried to break. 
• I Run for the one that has been hurt, judged or shamed. 
• I Run for the UNDERDOG. 
• I Run to remind you to keep fighting. 
• I RUN for the one that wasn't given anything and has had to fight for everything. 
• I RUN FOR YOU. To remind you to keep FIGHTING. To Dust yourself off and get back out there. To not Quit. To not feel ashamed of who you are.

And I held my thoughts captive. I recited my "WHY" and felt the negative thoughts dissolve. 

I came down the hill towards the parking lot where I see "MR. MICHIGAN" cheering on the runners and had to do a double take, MOM AND DAD were there! WITH TIM HORTONS! 

Without a thought, I stopped to enjoy them. I opened that coffee and felt the warm sweetness saturate my chilled body. I was so happy I felt my cheeks actually hurting from smiling so big. 

Mom and Dad told me Andy was about 10 minutes ahead of me. 

MY PURSUIT:

I dropped a gear to find him. 

2:ISHpm: I finally caught up to Andy, I was a little labored when I reached him, however it felt so good to have someone to run with. I was able to enjoy his company for 2 loops. I headed back out alone. 

3:22 I see ROB with his beautiful family, his new baby brought joy to my soul, I LOVE babies! 

I ran some miles with my new friend BJORN. He was killing it with a goal of 50 miles in 10 hours. 

By 6pm I was running solo again. 

PEE PEE:

I was questioning my life choices like many of us runners at this POINT. 

I had been eating really good and drinking even better, I was not PREPARED for it to be as cold as it was. 

I was wearing a pair of tights I had never raced in. When I came into the aid station I had to pee really bad but before I went I saw Valerie and in my excitement to see her I peed my pants! I rushed to the bathroom and discovered I had a few more issues. 

Valerie and I after my discovery. 

 

Not only had I peed my pants, my pants were on backwards and inside out! 

At this POINT, I was like, "I've gone this far!"

I came into the aid station to enjoy some fresh corn on the cob, soo yummy. 

By 6:45, I was at over 49 miles. I would have 50 miles in under 11 hours. 

I was going to need the banked time for the night. 

Then I found Andy again, but just for a little bit. 

PERSEVERING into the night

As the evening darkened the woods grew brisk and the lake blew a blistering wind. It was brutal. 

It was like throwing sand in my gears. Everything felt so much harder. I do not run well in the cold, it is my kryptonite. 

I was trying to maintain a 13 min/mi. I had fallen really hard in the morning and was PRAYING the Lord would PROTECT me from falling again in my fatigue. 

The moon was amazing, but even in its company I was lonely. I was on my second round of questioning my PLAN. 

Rachel would be at the aid station very soon. I came into the Aid station around 8:30 and there she was. I wrapped my arms around her and started crying like a blubbering baby. 

Andy was there laughing. "NITA! Its too early to start crying..." he laughed trying to raise my spirits. 

I had smiled to everyone, I encouraged the other runners and tried to stay POSITIVE but my tank was running empty, more than I knew. 

Rachel showered me with more than her PRESENCE, she had PRESENTS for me too. I was so tired I could hardly string together a full sentence. She placed a new LED night on me that shone bright through the darkness. 

Running through the dark has a multitude of PROBLEMS for me. 

photo credit, Joel

• I get nauseous. 
• I have a hard time seeing with a headlamp.
• I was freezing.
• I was so tired I could hardly think. Fear was settling in, it was too early to be so fatigued. 

Rachel provided both companionship and dialogue. I could hardly string together conversation. Loop after loop I chased her through the woods. 

I would find myself walking for longer than I should and Rachel was able to get me moving again. 

We were half way down the hill when ROB jumps in with us full of energy and smiles. 

Rob was awesome running till after 3 am with Rachel and I. 

Rachel carried me 20 miles but was having a hip PROBLEM sadly bowing out. 

When we came into the aid station Sarah was there. Now I had not seen Sarah hardly at all at the aid station all day but here she was. Rachel shared her problem feeling terrible but asking Sarah if she could help me. 

Sarah wasn't running a lot but said YES. 

But the REAL PROBLEM was ME. I had gone to Hell in a handbasket. I was freezing, sick, and so tired no one not even me could interpret my mumbling. I didn't know how I could run another 4 hours. 

Andy sat me into the adirondack chair with 2 blankets over me and my face and set a time for 15 minutes. 

I was PASSED OUT. 

MY POWER:  “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me." 1Cor. 12:9

BINGG BINGG BINGG I heard the alarm go off. "Wake up Nita, Let's GO! Andy prodded. I threw off the blankets and Sarah and I went foot loose and fancy. 

We came in strong and headed back out for my final loop. With a PEP in my step I was PLEASED with my 89 miles with NO intentions of PURSUING last years goal. 

There Rachel, Andy, Rob and Sarah all circled me. I had nothing to PROVE. I could quit and be PLEASED. As I was getting ready to hit the STOP on my watch we realized something new. 

Sarah realized how close she was to second place. She had just helped me achieve me goal. It was 6:30am and more than me wanting to quit, I wanted Sarah to get her goal. 

"LET"S GO"! 

We took off running that last hill like a couple crazy ladies. My adrenaline was pumping for her. 

Top: Rachel, Sarah, Andy, 24 hours later. 

93MILES. I beat my time from last year. 

Sarah came in 2place for the woman.

Andy got 40 miles!

Antonio made it ALL night!

Joe got over 50 miles!

CONGRATS to Alex, Will, Jason, Mary, Robin, Jazz, Donny from Complete Runner. 

A BIG shout out the all the AMAZING volunteers! Coming into the aid station was something I looked forward to every loop because of their energy and the FOOD was amazing! 

SPECIAL thanks to Robs father and Joel for the amazing PHOTOS!

Sites and Selfies

GLORY To GOD! 

Anita~

THANK you to DESTINY for making my sign!

 

Don't lose Heart

"Don't let the limiting, self defeating beliefs hold you up. Remember,whether you think you can or you think you can't, your right." Henry Ford

Long miles. Lonely miles. Hard miles. 

Miles trudging through the snow. 

Miles drenched in spring showers. 

Miles in the deep summer heat. 

So hot, so tired, so exhausted, burned out, fatigued, questioning the "Why". 

Miles of thoughts, miles of prayers, humbled by my human deficits, I continued to run. 

I ran through the whispers. 

I ran through the insecurity. 

I ran through the wounds. 

Running, my illustration for life. 

Every minute and every moment serves a purpose.  

The victories, the defeats, the highs and the lows. 

2 Corinthians 4:16

"Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day."  

I LOVE this thing called RUNNING. 

But not as much as I LOVE this thing called LIFE. 

Life is work. It is hard and beautiful all tangled together. 

I am less than 2 weeks for BEAR LAKE Ultra. 

This is the end. There is no more training I can do. I can make my ending worse but I cannot sink 4 months of training into 12 days. 

This week, my training plan has me running 50 miles. 

Last week, my training plan had me at 76, I did a step down early and did 60 miles. 

I look at where I was 4 months ago, every mile, every training run, every prayer matters. 

I think of where I was emotionally 4 months ago. I was going to bed with sleepless nights. 

I was battling the secret wounds and wondering how long I was going to suffer in silence. 

It matters. Every moment matters. 

Whether we are talking about miles or moments. 

Pace or Persecutions. 

We are training for this thing called LIFE. 

In our weakness, in our wounds, in our burn out, we keep going. 

We don't give up. 

We keep believing.

We keep hoping. 

We keep trusting. 

We keep on keeping on. 

We give ourselves Grace and we give others Grace. 

I am not the same Anita I was 4 months ago in training and in life. 

I am not the same Anita I was before Cancer, or loss, or injury, or addiction and we can go on and on. 

"In sport, people measure by winning or losing. But I think the measure of success is happiness and recognizing your own journey for self-betterment." Alysia Montano, Olympian Medalist

Do not lose Heart. 

 I am reminded as I come to a close in my training for Bear Lake that things do not happen over night. 

You can not just show up and expect to run 24 hours without doing the work. 

You can not quit when it gets hard. You can't quit when it hurts. You can't quit when you don't "Feel" like it and expect the same results. 

Do not lose Heart.

One day at a time. 

A little here and a little there.

It will pay off. You may feel so overwhelmed you can barely catch your breath. You may even feel defeated, like a black cloud is hanging over you. 

You may feel lifeless, barely able to muster energy to tackle the day, Don't give up. You may feel alone, without support or even attacked. 

Do not lose Heart. 

2 Corinthians 4:16

"Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day."  

More importantly than training my body is to train my soul. There will be a day my body will have a mind of its own. This life is not meant to be focused on the external rather the eternal. Though my external body is slowly perishing my inner self is in constant growth. I continue to grow in grace, in love, in forgiveness, in faith, in Christ. 

I started painting my rocks for Bear Lake! 

Andy and I snuck away for a camping weekend in Tawas. I have never been there and fell in love. We were very blessed to get a campsite off the water. And ever more blessed to have the the whole family join. The state park has beautiful camp ground, I recommend this one! The bath houses were clean and convenient. They even have a dishwashing station for those who are staying in tents. The sites were huge, so big we had to run to the local Walmart to buy an extension cord to reach the electric box!

It was so nice to have all my family together. 

BIG SHOUT OUT to Sarah! Sarah went to Chattanooga to do a Ironman. She PR-ed her last years time by almost an hour, 12H:09! WTG Sarah! 

In Peace, Not Pieces,

Anita~

“The training field lies in overcoming trials.”―Lailah Gifty Akita

Branching Out

 

There are things on this side of heaven that leave me in awe. 

A morning sunrise of warm amber colors. 

An evening sunset painted in pastels. 

The silky subtle skin of an infant.

A morning cup of coffee by the campfire camping. 

And TREES. I LOVE big billowing oak trees or a majestic hovering willow tree. 

I stare in awe of the lofty old tree that sits stoically with his branches reaching out. Once magnificent and strong, the grandfather of trees in the forest. His arms once shelter, his trunk once a ladder for the critters of the woods to scatter up, its leaves once danced in the wind and glistened in the sun, the old oak that once branched out with nothing less than LOVE. 

Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, 5 does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, 6 does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love branches out. 

Love is action. 

It does not matter what gift you have, if you don't have LOVE, it means nothing. 

We are all born with different gifts, different assets, different backgrounds and some of us like me are born just plain DIFFERENT! 

Maybe that is why I love trees. Because they have to arise from dirt to grow. I sure can relate. 

"Every flower has to grow through some dirt to blossom." 

I didn't come from much to have plenty. 

I don't have much but I have enough. 

I wasn't given anything to have everything. 

I have no real gifts. 

But I have enough in HIM. 

Enough Love to branch out. 

Enough Love to forgive, to endure, to have hope, to believe. 

This afternoon, I took my sweet friend to lunch, Jean. While we sat outside on the patio of Deer Lake, Jean solemnly says, "Anita, you have a lot of friends, I don't have very many..." 

I smiled, "You have me Jean..." 

We left to get manicures afterwards, a little date. As I was having the polish put on my nails I looked at little Jean, I thought about her comment at lunch. 

We come from completely opposite worlds. She was born from wealth and prestige in California. 

I was born from brokenness, out of wedlock, in foster homes and addiction barely able to keep the lights on or pay our lot rent. 

I was born from the untouchable places of life so I could reach the ones that feel untouchable themselves. 

Love branches out. I looked over at my sweet little Jean and had to choke back the tears. 

At the end of the day most of us just want to be loved. 

To feel LOVED. 

To be LOVED. 

To be accepted even when we are different. 

LOVE branches out. 

RUNDOWN:

 BEAR LAKE is less than 3 weeks away. 

By the grace of God He has strengthened me and kept me protected and without injury. 

Saturday morning I was in a dark place. Burn out is creeping in. I didn't want to run. My training plan had me running 30 miles and I just wanted to crawl back in bed, truth is, I did. 

It was after 7am when I made my coffee and opened the bible. 

It was shortly after that that Rachel text me to run. I needed the encourament more than ever. I finished my coffee and quiet time before meeting her. But the feeling of anxiety and dread swirled around in my head. I felt like a big baby, I just wanted to cry, I definitely didn't want to run. Nothing in me wanted to run. 

But Rachel branched out to invite me not knowing I was struggling. 

I ran 30 miles on Saturday. Andy changed his running plans to help me also. 

I had to run 13 miles home by myself. I wanted to cut the course and come home. The sun was blazing hot on me and I had no one beside me. "This is life Anita" I said to myself.

 No one can do it for you, and it is not meant to be easy or everyone would do it.

I knew I was not alone. I knew God had already given me the strength to finish. I just didn't want to. Welcome to Burn Out. Let the TAPER begin! 

The Lord redeemed me to run 10 miles Sunday after church and another 21 miles today with miles of smiles! I am grateful for the hard days so I can embrace the good ones! 

Hey! If you have never volunteered at a race and would love to be part of helping out contact ROB the race director for Bear Lake Ultra! 

I would LOVE to see some familiar faces out there! And it is an awesome experience! 

In Peace, Not peaces,

Anita

Comfort Zone

 "How do you eat an elephant?" 

One bite at a time. 

This morning my running partners were both pushing their goals. They both are building their mileage up with the shadows of injuries and the fear of the unknown. 

I am very blessed to have running partners that are believers. We are not just out running miles, we are praying over one another, encouraging one another, and lifting each other up. 

We met out at Rose Oaks. We do a 7.3 mile loop on the backroads. Each of my partners today ran more miles than they have in a long time. 

As we finished one loop, Rachel hits her watch, smiles cheerfully and says, "14 miles!!! I just ran 14 miles!!" 

"Sharers of suffering and sharers of comfort.." 

I was blessed with 14 miles to both suffer and share comfort with my partners. Rachel was over the moon excited about her added miles and then later shares a confession. 

FEAR. Fear was lurking in the shadows of her abilities. 

Comfort Zone.  FEAR

Today, One of the gals in my afternoon bible study talked about getting out of our comfort zone. 

Overcoming FEAR. 

Fear of the UNKNOWN.

Fear of FAILURE. 

Fear of being out of CONTROL. 

Fear of being UNCOMFORTABLE. 

Fear is the element that keeps us complacent. That steals our dreams, that sabotages our goals and fear is the voice that lies to us. 

We want to believe that trying matters, no matter the outcome. The only way to know is to just do it. 

Do it with fear. 

I am more fearful than I am fearless. I have more failed attempts but twice as many recoveries from those failures all dragging fear along. 

I drug fear, fear didn't drag me or I would never have had my victories or my failures. 

I have a resume' packed with both.

But the story isn't about either victories or failures, it is about OVERCOMING fear to try. 

It's one bite at a time.

One mile at a time. 

A little bit here and a little bit there. 

It might be inconvenient.

It might be uncomfortable. 

It might be unimaginable. 

It might be painful.

But it is not necessarily IMPOSSIBLE unless you never try.  

RUNDOWN: 

"Fear isn't the danger of missing out, often its much greater than the risk of stepping out." 

BEAR LAKE ULTRA is 3 weeks away. The Lord has strengthened me, protected me and continues to prepare me for this 24 hour adventure. 

Bear Lake is in Lapeer, if your in the area you should come out and cheer the runners on! It's a blast! 

THURSDAY is double Run. I ran 21 this morning, I tried to get quit after 2 loops but my running partner pushed me back out there. 

Andy and I had our date with Complete Runner for another 5 miles. Miles of smiles! 

I have brought my miles down this week, allowing my body to recover and rest. 

My belly is constantly hungry! I drink protein shakes and try to eat foods to help in the recovery of my muscles but I love dessert! 

From apple pie to peanut M&M's and Breyers Mint chocolate ice cream is like mana from heaven! 

I praise God for every mile he gives me, I give Him the glory for He has redeemed me. 

In Peace, Not Pieces 

Anita!

Ordinary in the Land of OZ

 "The Lord gives STRENGTH to His people; The Lord blesses His people with peace." 

Psalm 29:11

Who's behind the curtain? I refer often to "The wizard of OZ" when it comes to honesty and transparency. 

As well as accepting of who we are versus who we try to be. 

Did you know that the word "Strength" is translated from the Old Testament as "OZ"?

Oz also means "security, force, majesty, might, and boldness." 

A powerful image the Wizard of Oz attempted to uphold. 

In a time where you can get almost anything overnight, Strength is not something you can hide behind a curtain or add to your cart. 

There are many things that are not available to all. 

But Strength is available to even the ordinary. 

Strength from the Lord can make the ordinary extraordinary. 

" Runners come in all shapes and sizes. You don't have to be a scrawny little punk to be a top distance runner, If you have the determination and work your hardest." Chris Solinsky 

Many are in search of true strength. 

I have searched in all the wrong places coming up more than short, I have been disappointed, duped, and depressed at my feeble attempts to pull myself up by my bootstraps. 

Many years ago I had a dream.  I found this late in life passion for running, I discovered the Lord had gifted me. God laid it on my heart to run a marathon and try to qualify for Boston on my first attempt. 

I was just a peon. 

I had no formal training. 

I had no knowledge of running. 

I had no idea how to run a marathon.

I knew no runners to coach or help me. 

Truth is I was just a mom of 2 little boys. A little less than ordinary is how I felt. 

But Andy believed in me. 

I prayed. 

I worked hard. 

I bought books to learn. 

I sought the Lord in my inadequacies, insecurities, and inabilities. 

Chicago 10-10-10. I DID IT! It was the hardest thing I have ever physically done.  But the Lord strengthened me. 

When I thought I was going to pass out at mile 20 in 90', I prayed. 

When I was getting the cold chills from the heat, I prayed. 

When I couldn't feel my legs moving, I prayed. 

When I heard discouragement and failure screaming at me, I prayed. 

I was a nobody, less than ordinary trying to do the extraordinary. I was out of my league. 

But GOD. 

A year later, I went out to run a race that ended up being my "Epic Failure". 

I fell apart. I had no strength, no stamina, nothing. 

The truth is. I was like the wizard. I had been hiding behind Ego and Pride. I took off to this race without the Lords blessing. 

I failed because I was hiding behind Self. I thought I could go out in my own STRENGTH. 

My Epic Failure. 

RUNDOWN: Training for Bear Lake 24hour

Weekly Miles: 105

Long Run: 35.5

Saturday was my long run, a 6 hour training run. I had been praying for God to keep me safe and strong. 

It wasn't about pace, it was about time on your feet. 

I started running a little after 6. 

6 miles to Rachels house, in the dark and racing a train to the tracks, I ran solo. 

I jumped in her truck and we headed to meet Kris on Groveland Rd. The 3 of us shared 8 miles together. 

I headed back out alone when I heard a car coming up to me, it was ANDY! 

Pickles to help with CRAMPING!

He surprised me to shared 12 miles together before he got back in the car and headed home. 

I had a little over an hour to run but it was 8 miles home, my watch had me at a little over 26 miles. 

I knew I was going to be over 6 hours but I had no other way home but to run. 

It was 85 degrees, I was almost out of water, I smelled like road kill and my body was sticky with sweat. I found myself laughing to the Lord. I felt good. I just kept thanking Him. 

Mile 31 was a 8:58 min/mi. I was humbled by the strength and perseverance the Lord was showering me with.

I am ordinary. A simpleton. Your average Joe. 

The Lord gives Strength to the weary.

The Lord gives Strength to His people. 

I have many epic failures when I have attempted to go out in my strength. But The Lord gives the Ordinary the Extraordinary! Seek HIM if your in a season your struggling to find strength. He sees you. He loves you. 

 

At Mile 34 I was out of water, I saw my friend Melissa outside through the trees and started YELLING! 
"GATORADE, Melissa, do you have any...!" She just happened to be outside and came running to my rescue with Gatorade!

• Bear Lake 4 weeks away.
• BIG SHOUT OUT to Jazz, Sarah, Doug and Donny. The four of them ran Holland Marathon crushing goals! 
• WTG Meagan on her first Triathlon!
• And Great job to all those who ran Woodstock, Steve, Sean C, Tina and her hubby, Mary, Dave and so many more!

In Peace, Not pieces, 

Anita~

Training in GRACE

 Amazing grace, how sweet the sound

That saved a wretch like me

I once was lost, but now am found

Was blind, but now I see

'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear

And grace, my fears relieved

How precious did that grace appear

The hour I first believed.

ANITA: my name means GRACE. Interestingly enough my middle name Anita, means Bitter. Bitter is a place I do not like to camp at. 

But Grace is a place I like to reside.

• Grace Saved me. 
• Grace Taught me.
• Grace Secured me.
• Grace Covered me.
• Grace Accepted me. 
• Grace Healed me. 

Here I am, 3 years out from finishing my chemo and finishing almost 80 miles of running. Grace taught me to Believe. 

Not to believe in the world.
Not to believe wholly in people. 

Not to believe in my feelings.

But to Believe in HIM. 

To Believe not in my circumstances rather in the Grace He has given me Over them. To overcome. To conquer, to love and to forgive and the Grace to forgive others. 

This summer is the first summer since my cancer in 2019 that I feel whole. Healed from physical injury. 

Many of us still struggle with injuries, injured hearts, injured finances, injured friendships, we all suffer. 

Part of training is more about the INWARD discipline. 

We live outward in this world but our inward discipline reflects the results of our training. 

Grace reminds me He has Redeemed me. To humbly go out in who He says I am, yet with confidence and security in HIM. 

This week I will have close to 80 miles for the week. That is many 5:30am wake ups. Because my morning doesn't start lacing up my shoes, IT STARTS in the word. It starts under His wing, He sets my path. 

He asks us to naturally what we do not want to do.

• Be courageous.
• Be fearless.
• Be brave.
• Be strong. 
• Be confident.

But when when we try to do this on our own, we fail. 

The Rundown: 

We labored on Labor Day. 

We have a limited capacity for the strength we need daily. This is why I seek HIM first. God is my source of strength.

There is also strength in numbers.  Monday, I was united in the strength of others to complete 26.2 miles of trail running to prepare me for my Ultra in October, Bear Lake Ultra. 

The humidity was so thick it was like manna coming down. Sarah and Rachel came out to start me out. Sarah was there for the long haul with me. We made an aid station outside of the Wilderness loop to fuel as we would venture out for another loop. 

Justin D would join us for a loop and Antonio and Emily came out for a few hours to support and encourage us. 

Each person showed up with more then their presence. They came with their wisdom, their experience, and their strengths. 

We are meant to BUILD each other UP. That is what each one did. 

Each loop was a different kind of Awesome. 

Thank YOU for all that came out!!

After everyone had left, Sarah and I were left to finishing it out. We shared a special conversation of faith and love. Both in agreement that we have made mistakes, we have made some wrong turns, but to give ourselves GRACE and to give others the same GRACE. 

But in doing so, to remember to LIFT each other UP, to straighten one another crown and keep training in Grace. 

"Grit determines Life Challenges will neither defeat nor define us.

Grace gives kindness to ourselves and others even when its hard."

IN Peace Not Pieces,

ANITA~