Lil bit more.

I saw this lil lovergirl on my bike ride this week.  

I ran 7 miles yesterday, running was not a responsible option for today. It was exciting for me yesterday but I needed to calm myself down. 

So  I gutted out an hour of biking today. 

Just trying to get a lil bit more.

With my headphones in I tried to drown out my wincing, whining and whimpering. I looked down at my speed and tried to get my pipsqueak legs to turn the peddles over faster. As I looked at my legs I tried not to get discouraged at the atrophy in my muscles. My nephew, Glenn, said that maintaining 14mph on a mountain bike was pretty good. It didn't feel pretty good and I didn't think I was maintaining that!

The cars flew by me kicking up dust and dirt adding to my misery. 

Melissa and I met to run with GFAC, Ryan ran a few a couple miles with us. It felt so good to get to run. 

I am still sleeping in my splint. I am not free from the annoyances PF brings but I am getting more grace. 

I am getting more miles. A lil bit more. 

I had to give myself a little emotional time out. I am good at giving others grace but I am not gentle with myself. 

This week, I took myself back to last year. While the rest of the world moves forward,  I find myself looking back gathering a year of cancer. 

I looked back at my yesterdays. 

God carried me in my ugliest, weakest and emptiest days. 

I had used up all my humanly resources but Gods resources never expired or ran out. 

Ashamed of my tantrums over the last several weeks I quietly asked God for just a lil bit more. 

Just a lil bit. Enough to keep my humble. Enough to encourage me. Enough to Glorify Him. 

Just a lil bit more Strength.

Just a lil bit more Patience. 

Just a lil bit more Courage. 

Just a lil bit more Mercy. 

Just a lil bit more Endurance. 

Just a lil bit more Healing. 

No, I didn't ask for a lil bit more running, or a lil bit more biking. That is just a bi-product.  I need more of the invisible. 

Col 1:11 " Strengthened with all power according to His Glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience." 

I am going to try to get 11 miles in tomorrow of trails. 

Just a lil bit more. 

Anita

A BIG SHOUT OUT TO ALICE WHO HAS BEEN BATTLING BREAST CANCER, SHE GOT HER SAMPLES BACK FROM HER BREAST SURGERY AND THEY CAME BACK NO CARCINOMA!!

The things I have to stop to take a photo of riding my bike. I laughed at this one. 

By the Grace of God; Virtual Crim 2020

I have lost track of how many Crims I have ran. All I really know is that I have been on a streak for over 13 years. The only Crim that I have ever missed was my very first one! Mom, Dad and the boys all drove me up to race it in the middle of a rain storm. I coughed and hacked all the way up there only to cry all the way down. I was very sick, I actually had pneumonia and a lot of denial. 

Last year I ran it with chemo thick in my blood, Carbo Platinum and Taxol. I was bald and sick but stubborn. I ran with everything I had, which wasn't much and it wiped me out the rest of the day. I never let on how sick I was, I always told myself to just "Keep Smiling". 

One year ago, on the way home from running The Crim, I was so sick. 

This year due to Covid most races have either chosen to cancel or go virtual. Even though I am no longer battling breast cancer I am still battling. I am battling the effects cancer and chemo wounded me with. 

Run, walk, crawl I was not going to loose my streak. Almost 5 weeks out from meniscus surgery and on the mends from plantar fasciitis, I was determined to keep the streak alive. 

 

THE VIRTUAL CRIM 2020

Psalm 27:14 " Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord."

 

The Crim has been a Flint favorite since 1977. It typically attracts over 50,000 runners and spectators but this year the streets were empty. The 43 annual HAP Crim would be virtual this year. 

Lacey picked Melissa and I up to tow the line at 8am. You could  have shot a canyon through the streets. I had really expected to see more runners but the Crim Foundation had really discouraged runners from coming into Flint to run the blue line course. 

I was not sure what my body was going to allow me to do but I was mentally prepared to suffer if I had to. 

"God is seldom early but he is never late" as the saying goes. 

One week ago my feet were as damaged as they had been for months. But on this day and the few days prior my feet began to love me again.

Lacey, Melissa and I found the blue line and began to follow it. 

They typically paint this line every year for the runners but not this year. The faded blue line had many spots missing or barely visible.  

Laughing and running we found ourselves on part of the course that was foreign to us and we had led others in the same direction. We caught our mistake, realizing we were on a very old and retired part of the course and turned around! 

It was sad to not have any of the traditional course entertainment out there. However, just as we reminisced we saw the famous champagne corner guy out there! I am not a drinker so I had to celebrate with a picture. We were all so excited. 

The temperatures began to rise and so did our spirits as we were encouraged by little aid stations people put out for us runners determined to keep our tradition alive. 

As I ran I thought, "If only they knew how much this meant, they were not just supporting us few runners they were supporting this broken runner and cancer survivor." I thought deeply.  My circumstances to get to the starting line were not an easy feat, my body over the course of the last 16 months has been challenged but my heart has been passionate. They had no idea how much being on champagne corner meant to me even if I never took a sip or how much that man watering his lawn meant as I dipped into his stream to cool myself down. Or to the residence that created a aid station with ice water, what an encouragement that would be to this cancer survivor who was blessed with another Crim. 

I take nothing for granted. I have an on time God. I have not been able to run for months and God blessed me with another Crim. He healed my body from a very aggressive breast cancer, he healed me from knee surgery just weeks ago and help to release my plantar fasciitis this week to allow me this beautiful moment, The Crim. 

I get to celebrate ANOTHER CRIM! It didn't matter how fast I ran, or whether I walked it or crawled, I GOT TO experience it another year. By the Grace of God go I.  

The Finish Line, The Bricks. 

photo credit Lacey R

Psalm 27:14 " Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord."

Anita~

The CAT LADY! She just reached in and grabbed me! So much for social Distancing! 

phot credit Lacey R.

 

Inspired.

"How long should you try? Until. " Jim Rohn

Almost 4 weeks post meniscus surgery I have been beyond patient but fear has kept me from lacing up my running shoes. Well fear and this plantar fasciitis. 

But on Sunday I found myself running awkwardly behind a half naked Andrew, and not my Andrew! 

Andy was running a race that I was crewing and volunteering at when "Andrew" shirtless approaches me and asks if I want to run a couple miles. It was hot out so I didn't think to much about it but I was in a pair of hiking shorts and a tank top. 

"I don't know if I can...." I gave a few excuses more. 

But shirtless Andrew wasn't listening, In his Welch accent he said "Oh, c'mon, we will go slow, take walk breaks if you need to...." 

Next thing I know I am chasing shirtless Andrew through the woods at Holly Rec! 

And 2 miles was actually over 5! 

With a mile left, we calculated that we would literally run into both of our spouses running the race any moment. 

OH and did WE! 

Andy looked at me like a deer in head lights, "ANITA! Are you RUNNING?!" 

Then right behind him Sarah, "Your Running?" 

I was laughing so hard as I chased shirtless Andrew out of the trail. 

Because I WAS! I was literally running and felt good. 

I was secretly laughing at the sight of me running with a half naked man through the trails but I was soo happy Andrew had asked me to run. I didn't want to be a wuss and turn back and with each mile I was getting more confident as my trail legs came back. 

The race was incredible, WTG Sarah M for another victory out there at Ode to Laz. This girl is amazing, tough as nails, stubborn as hell and as genuine as they come. 

Andy hit 40 miles, EPIC, the farthest he has ever done! I loved crewing him and making him go another round. He was a Rockstar. 

All these runners, the athleticism, the perseverance, the pain and grit just fueled my fire. 

I ordered a splint for my Plantar fasciitis and I have been sleeping in it the last few days. 

This morning my feet felt a little better. I decided I was going to go for it. 

I stretched, rolled then jumped on the bike to warm up, 6 miles on the back roads.

With sweat dripping after less then 30 minutes I quickly changed and headed out to run another 5. 

Nothing hurt but my heart was beating like it hadn't in months, I LOVED IT. 

I wanted to run and run and never stop. With each mile I found myself pushing it just a little bit, I hit the hills determined to run them and I DID. 

I got a text from Aunt Lois in Chicago telling me she was thinking of me, it was Wednesday and I always saw maw maw on Wednesday. Tears flowed down my cheeks, my chest tightened and I couldn't breath, my heart ached for her. She passed away on the 7th, she was 96 years old. 

I  dug deeper as I approached another hill, I swallowed hard and smiled thinking of maw maw "Lord Nita, did you already run today? I don't know how you do it...." Maw maw would always say this to me. I wiped my tears and smiled. Then I ran harder. 

I felt incredible. 5 miles. I thought of Sarah running over 116 miles and Andy running 40 miles, I thought of their pain and their perseverance, I was so inspired. I thought of how "shirtless Andrew got me to run 5 miles, the only thing stopping me was me at that point. 

It may be a slow go but I am not giving up. My body has been through Hell and back, my mind has visited some very dark places and my heart has been broken, but I am not giving up. 

I am coming out of the Juniper Tree. Like Elijah, it is time to get back out there. I have been on my pity pot long enough. 1Kings 19:5

Life is hard, God never promised sunshine and rainbows. I cant give up, I may just have to do it differently but I am not quitting. 

"Our Greatest weakness lies in giving up,. The most certain way to succeed is alwasy to try one more time." Thomas Edison

Anita~

The Peacock Feather

3 miles from home, I peddled to the corner of Quick road and Fish Lake road to drop off a bottle of water for Andy. 

I wanted to run so bad but I was grateful to have my bike back and the ability to at least bike in my recovery from meniscus surgery. 

I peddled that bike with all I had. Grunting, panting I just kept turning over my feet. As I came to the corner, I saw a young kid running shirtless towards me. He ran effortlessly, his countenance with peaceful. I waited for him to pass to hide Andys water in the tall grass. "Good Job" I encouraged the young runner as he floated past me. 

In an instant, I recognized him as one of my CC athletes I coached at Holly Academy. But he didn't recognize me. 

Emotions immediately erupted. 

"It was just yesterday..." I cried. My throat closed up, I couldn't catch my breath, I was falling apart.

"He didn't know it was me, it was just yesterday....." 

I was his coach for 2 years, he would look up at me with these sweet eyes clutching every word I shared. "Coach Harless can I run with you?".  

It was just yesterday I was running with him, or so it felt. He didn't recognize me. My long dark flowing hair is gone, replaced with tightly woven chemo curls. The rich brown hair is muted with thick gray patches barely touching my shoulders. Here I am biking, it was just yesterday I was running with him, it was just yesterday he would have known me...Oh how so much has changed. The last he saw me he had gotten teary eyed when I told my team I had breast cancer. I remember looking right at him and encouraging him I was not going to quit fighting the same way I never wanted him to quit. 

Tears flowed down my cheeks, "It was just yesterday..." I sobbed. 

God I miss my yesterdays.

The month of July was not my best month. Truth be told I think it may may been the worst month for me in the last 15 months. 

Between struggling with Plantar Fasciitis in both feet, more booby surgeries than I expected, (How do those little things get so much attention is beyond me!) meniscus surgery and not being able to run, ride my bike or go to the gym my world got darker with each passing day. 

In my emotional despair and my physical agony my  sister in law reached out to me with the most  inspirational text. It was perfect timing, Gods timing. 

Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul
And sings the tune without the words
And never stops at all.”
― Emily Dickinson 

The Peacock; Debs devotional to me. 

" I believe God gave me this for you today...….I truly believe the Lord gave me this word to encourage you and with prayer lift you up to encouragement. 

We were walking in this little park in Frankenmuth today. There was this tiny fence even enclosed the roof. Inside the attachment of the fence were two beautiful peacocks, a couple morning doves and a few nasty pigeons LOL. 

As I admired the beautiful peacock I admired his shed feathers that laid on the ground. Nita, they were so intricate and beautiful! Glistened with gold, green and blue, they changed color as the breeze lightly blew their quills.  

"I mentioned to Bruce how badly I would love to have one of those feathers, I even, in my heart, said Lord I'd love to have one of those feathers. But every single one of them was just out of reach for us to grab through the fencing. I praised the Lord in my heart for the beauty that e create in such a loud and dirty bird. But, in my heart I still longed for that long flowing beauty that the peacock had shed and it laid wasting away on the ground. 

We headed back to the camp ground and stopped at a little diner right at the entrance of the campground. It is about 17-20 miles away from Frankenmuth where I saw that beautiful feather. Bruce and I ate lunch. As we left, I noticed a beautiful color in the grass. It was just in front of Bruce's truck. I was absolutely awestruck to see a peacock feather sitting at my feet about 20 miles aways from where I had desired that little piece of beauty. 

It brought me literally to tears! The Lord spoke to me and remined me how faithful He is! He's not just faithful when we need healing from a torn meniscus! He's not just faithful in curing cancer! He's not just faithful in painful graphs to repair scars and imperfection! His faithfulness is as simple as a feather! He always gives us the desires of our hear! We simply may not know exactly what that looks like at the time. He just asks us to trust His process. He wants us to trust the good and be excepting and even joyful in the bad...He wants us to remember He is a God that desires to grow us, mold us, tear us down, build us up, bend us, break us and the whole time He knows that at the end of our journey He is a beautiful feather just waiting as a reminder of how faithful He was all through the journey. 

I love you so much, I know you are tired. I know you are weary. I know you want to give up. I know you want to withdraw. I know you don't want to be strong. I know you don't think you can. But sister, this feather is for you and it is sent STRAIGHT FROM Heaven to remind us that our God does not care just about our "big" needs. He wants to remind us of how faithful He is in the little things.  Don't discount feathers from Heaven, Love you to feathers." 

Gods Timing. This text from Deb inspired me, encouraged me and reminded me. 

I wanted to share this person note to some of you that might me struggling. 

Today, as I sobbed down Fish Lake rode, barely able to breath from all that has happened in just a blink of an eye I remembered The Peacock Feather. So much can change in so little time, and often the change we want is not timely at all but in the end it is ALL HIS TIMING. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Today is 2 weeks out from meniscus surgery. If you have been questioning doing this...DO IT! Dr. Lewis met with me today for my follow up. I was concerned because yesterday at work my knee kept locking up on me and giving me a lot of grief. I shared this with Dr Lewis and he laughed. "Anita, you just had surgery 2 weeks ago! Give your body time, your knee looks great, hardly any swelling and look at your pictures." Dr Lewis grabbed his Ipad and proceeded to share the photos from surgery. "I took about 90% of your meniscus, if you look there you will see you do not have much left, but you still have some left and your cartilage looks great along with you bones, it was a very large tear...."  

I told him I haven't ran but I have biked, camped and hiked. He smiled and said "That's fine!" 

Anita~