Mostly Dead, but slightly alive

 "Most dead, but slightly alive." The Princess Bride

Silliness and suffering. 

A little more than 3 weeks away from my 50 miler in Colorado. I was supposed to start my taper last week but after adding up my miles Sunday realized I failed miserably. 

My ultra training plan had me running 57 miles. I ran 90. OOPS. 

HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN??

"When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change." 

If someone told me I would be running 90 miles I would have panicked.

But when I take one day at a time, one run at a time and just live in the moment I am free to feel the feels THERE. 

But if I think too far ahead, I get anxiety, or the feeling of being overwhelmed and even scared, I will take those feelings into a run that has not even happened yet, sabotaging tomorrow's victories.  

It's like the saying goes, "How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time." 

Staying positive and embracing the run that I am in allows me to NOT dread my runs, I get excited to suffer in a weird way!

Apparently, I had almost 60 miles before I entered my girls weekend a few days ago.

 I planned a night 50K with the girls for a training run. 

AIRHEAD Anita MOMENT. 

Sarah planned a 12 mile route to run 3 times. If you add these numbers up you will know that is 36 miles NOT 31 miles which makes a 50K. But we didn't put that together until the 2nd loop. 

5 of us girls took off at 9:50 pm, it seemed like a good idea when I planned it, however within a few miles I was not feeling so confident. 

On that first loop, we had laughed so much that I had to pee 3 times and in those 3 times unbeknownst to me I LOST my phone! 

When we came into change, eat and go again, my heart crumbled. I reached for my phone and the pocket was EMPTY. I thought I was going to throw up. It was as dark as the ace of spades, and I had NO idea where I lost my phone. It was midnight, I was using someone else's phone to call Andy to have him try and locate my phone. My phone was going directly to voicemail and Andy answered the phone expecting someone to tell him his wife was in the hospital. After calming him down, he said my phone was last pinged at 11:05 but he couldn't locate it but within a 7 mile radius. 

I was sick.

We took off for the second loop and I didn't even realize my legs were exhausted. I didn't realize my heart was beating out of my chest, I didn't realize a lot of my misery, fear included. 

Erica was confident she knew where it was. All I could do was pray and feel guilty for my lack of faith. 

We had came across these reflectors at the 3-4 mile mark, they were actually hanging CD's in the trees. I thought they were cool and on the first loop stopped to take a picture and go pee, this is where the girls were convinced I lost my phone, but this was not in that radius. 

Erica sees the CD's hanging and picked up her pace to find my phone, and low and behold there was my phone! 

I was so thankful I just sat on the ground and thanked the good Lord. 

As we moved closer to mile 15, I was doing the math on our loops and verbalized my math. We were all rather excited, it was like we had 6 free miles! 

We finished our 31mile run around 4am. We were all tired, sore and HUNGRY! 

We felt dead, but slightly alive and ready to finish out our night with APPLE PIE! 

I had made an apple pie and that is what

drove our last miles back to the cabin! 

"MOSTLY DEAD, but Slightly ALIVE." 

This was how I felt at 5am when I finally fell asleep. 

This is how I felt at 9am when I woke up searching for the coffee pot. 

90 miles and over 6000 feet of elevation for the week can really beat you up.  

I was reminded not to trust the way I saw myself when my mind was turbulent. 

Pain is temporary, be gentle with yourself.

 I had several miles in that 50K that I was struggling and couldn't put my finger on why, I would later figure out it was because I had overtrained for the week. And with that "slightly alive" feeling I can hold fast to faith, gratitude, and hope. 

Faith the Lord will make a way. 

Gratitude that He took care of me this far more that I could ever imagine. 

Hope that I will continue to persevere. 

Rundown: 

Even though my body is ready for recovery and rest I am different shades of HAPPY! 

LET THE TAPER BEGIN!! 

This week I only need 57 miles. 

It is going to be GLORIOUS!! 

OH... and I Hennipen here we go to pace a friend this October....

In Peace, Not pieces, 

Anita~

Anita