Catching you up to speed..

The CUTEST chemo hat EVER. Flipside hats make "Wellness" hats for woman. 

When you get through cancer you "Pass along" your wraps and hats to someone else. I just learned this. 

I have been just walking out of the house with my bare head. 90' weather and head wraps is like walking around with a burn pit on my head. This chemo crap has my body running hot as it is. I have always LOVED the heat, now I find myself tucked away in the air conditioning. At night, I am waking up drenched in sweat. They told me that the chemo would throw me into menopause, I am not sure what that means exactly. They said I would have probably only 2 menstrual cycles but they said NOTHING about the fire my body has been in. 

Catching you up to speed. 

Last Wednesday I went in for my weekly blood work. I saw DR. Q again. He went over my blood work commenting that it all looked normal. 

Andy disagreed. "What about Anita's Hemoglobin? It is down to a 9?" 

And just so nonchalant Dr. Q responds, "Yes, that's normal, If it doesn't come up we will give her a blood transfusion." 

My mind about exploded! "NO, I do not want a blood infusion, what can I do?" 

Seriously, it might be normal to an oncologist to just hand out blood transfusions but this is not normal for me.  

For that matter NONE of this is normal. For Petes Sake, I am still in a fog, this whole cancer thing still seems like a bad nightmare. I HATE IT. My Rant. I hate getting poked every week, I hate that ugly a$$ port sticking out of my bony chest. I hate trying to get used to being sick. I hate feeling so vulnerable, so weak. I HATE it. 

BUT....I LOVE all the love I have gotten to get me through this Hell so gracefully. 

* I showed him my infected toe. And AGAIN it got more attention. 

"Anita, you can not run, if that gets infected you will have to postpone chemo....." 

I just smiled thinking, "Huh..you cant tell me not to run, I feel good, this is my good week, now your going to take my run away..." 

REASON #274 why I hate cancer, I hate being told what to do!

"Anita, you told me you would run until you couldn't run anymore, and I agreed, now is one of those times you can't run...." Andy pleaded with me. 

From right to left, 4 days of UGLY toe....

I didn't RUN. 

RUNDOWN:

June 17-23: Chemo week: 32miles

June 24-30: Infected toe: 37.5

I did a  lot of walking in these two weeks, 7 miles of waking/hiking. 

Running/walking each mile really is a gift. There isn't a mile that I am not grateful for. I NEVER thought I could do what I am doing, I am beyond blessed. 

I have so many people say how good I look, I am a ADVOCATE for exercising. It makes you glow. You feel stronger, healthier and it cleans your mind out. Oh, trust me when I say it isn't easy. I have to drag myself out the door, I run uncomfortable a lot. Achy, bloated, fatigued and nauseas, but if I can get out there....So can YOU! 

Be Brave: 

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9

My aunt Lois sends me cards every week. In each of the cards she sends me a inspirational rock. The last two themes have coincided with other encouragement I have gotten the SAME day. 

three weeks ago, "Be STILL" . Both her and my sister sent me the SAME scripture and I received them on the same day. 

This week, BRAVE. 

Chemo last week a lady comes into the treatment room, and yells "You are BRAVE". You might remember the story from my last post. Well, she was referring to my head without any wrap on it. Well...She put HER hat in an envelope and this week when I got my blood work, Tammy my nurse gave me it. That lady had her LAST treatment and wanted me to have her hat because I was wearing camouflage too. Brave. 

This one chokes me up a bit. I try so hard to wear my cape and be Brave. Ahh, ask Lacey about that one, last week before chemo I had a breakdown in her kitchen. I was so scared. I didn't want to go to chemo, I didn't want to get poked. I didn't want to feel that poison penetrating ever good cell and every bad cell in my body. I didn't want to hurt. I didn't want to be sick, so I cried. 

This is WHY I run before Chemo. I NEED to run, I need to get my head in the game. I need to clench my fists , dig my heals in and stick my middle finger up at this whole cancer thing. I need to get angry and FIGHT. 

That's what I do. I FIGHT. Now is not the time to give up. I have fought bigger battles than this. 

I get knocked down but I am fighting to get back UP. 

Another round, another mile in this marathon. 

Be BRAVE, Keep fighting whatever battle your in. 

One mile to the next mile, get back up, take a breath and get back out there. 

Anita

#itsjustanothermarathon

"Layers" Extraordinary

"Do ordinary things with extraordinary love." Mother Theresa

extraordinary: going beyond what is usual, regular, or customary 

My last round of chemo took me a little longer to recover from. But I didn't lay around sulking in it.
My boss, Cherie takes the Glitz staff every year to Mackinac Island for a weekend of team bonding.
I signed up to go knowing it was going to be a challenge, but also knowing that the group I work with are the very people that I would want to be with to encourage me.

The word of the weekend was EXTRAORDINARY. We were spoiled with gifts that shared this theme.

For me it really touched my heart. I have been doing hair at Glitz for over 20 years. I LOVE MY JOB, I LOVE GLITZ and all our staff and I LOVE my clients.
I shared with the group how the theme EXTRAORDINARY spoke to me....
I shared that most of the time we go to work, we do the best job we can, we give a great cut, a great color and give our best. We work very hard at connecting with our clients through hair and through heart. After their service is completed they hug you, make their next appointment and off they go.
Or so I thought. I thought it just ended there.
I was wrong. 
When I discovered I had breast cancer I began to share the news with my clients. I had to share the news quickly due to the fact I would not have hair their next appointment, I needed to prepare them. Most of my clients are regulars. I have been doing their hair for years. I do their spouses hair, I have cut their children's hair, I have gone to their children weddings, open houses. and even funerals..they are so special TO ME. 
Here's what I learned.... I learned in this journey that I am EXTRAORDINARY to them. I have always thought they were to me, I had no idea I meant so much to them just by being ME. 
I have been showered with cards, they have found my address! I have been given beautiful flowers, gifts and messages that have made me feel so EXTRAORDINARY. 
I shared to the girls, to never give up, to keep giving your best, that they are EXTRAORDINARY to their clients and to others even if they never know it, they are. 
It was a sweet time. The staff and the instructors gave me so much encouragement. They made me feel very secure. The staff I work with are BEAUTIFUL and they all have beautiful HAIR, but they made me feel beautiful something this cancer wants to take from you.

"LAYERS"
Having cancer has many layers. "Patti" one of the instructors shared that word with me in a intimate conversation. It was like she was looking into my soul. I felt like she new more than she was sharing.

One of the "Layers" that I really never discuss is the financial layer. Andy is a very proud husband, he works very hard and has worked 2 jobs many years throughout our marriage. He is a great provider. I see the bills piling up. I sneak a peak at the co-pays and ask about our deductible and always get the same answer "Nita, don't worry about it, I will take care of it."
Andy does his best to hide that burden on me. And I do appreciate it. But I have had to cut my hours back, I will have to take several weeks off work for surgery and the bills will continue to add up even with insurance. Another thing cancer steals from you is your finances.
This weekend The Glitz staff came together to create a way to help me with my finances. A donation was made in my honor to help create a fund to help take some of the burden off me. It was shared at one of our meetings and took us all but surprise. Emotions gripped me in that generous moment, I couldn't even think of words to share, I just had tears of LOVE. SO much LOVE.


RUNDOWN:

The first day I woke up at 6am to run. It was raining and cold. My belly was turned inside out. Oh the bed felt so warm. "I don't need to run...."
"Its cold out and you don't feel good...."
The dialogue was bantering.
I quickly got up and headed to my clothes I had laid

out trying to be careful not to wake Angie.
I was outside the hotel by 6:25am.
This is why I RUN. I run to enjoy the beauty. Mackinac Island, 8 miles of beauty and adventure. 8 miles of waves crashing and sea gulls. 8 miles of thick forest and fresh air.
8 Miles cancer was NOT going to steal from me. I made it a mile and I sobbed like a baby. This was my joy, no bad weather, no turned belly, no cancer was going to steal this from me. It might not be my fastest, it might not me my greatest, for that matter it might even be my hardest but I was going to love it exactly where I was at. Giving myself grace and giving God gratitude.

Before we left I planned to get up early and go walk up to the see the Arch. I have done this before but this time Elizabeth joined me. It was about a 3 mile walk there and back.  I have an infected toe....I will explain that tomorrow so walking was all I could do.
It was so much fun and even more fun having someone to share it with me.

Elizabeth and I got real adventurous and took a trail back into town...

In closing, I just want to thank so many of you for making me feel so EXTRAORDINARY. I wish you all knew how much each of you have blessed me. 
Never quit being the greatest version of you. We all have bad days, don't be defined by your bad days, find something glorious each day and that light will shine.

I have to have another procedure tomorrow. I have a very infected toe, I also got my blood work, but I am too tired now...tomorrow I will fill in. 

Anita~

Friday Drudgery

I am not posting this on social media. Most will not read this or never even know it exists. I guess you can say it is for me.
I post to remind me what hell this cancer comes with.
I have a half a day on the Friday after chemo as well as a half a day on Saturday.
I'm sick. A bit miserable. But blessed.

I wake up with a text every morning from andys mom, "Good morning".
My head is pounding and I stumble to the bathroom.
4 Juice Plus
2 Tylenol
1 Clariton
2 Omega
I try to swallow it down but my throat feels like it is closed.

It is enough meds to get me through 5.5 hours of work, 3 clients.
I try so hard to listen to my clients, I give them the best me but it takes everything, slowly draining me.
I feel myself slowly going down.

I count the hours....

1:30....I am on schedule and begin to clean up and go.

Quick stop to the bank, drive through of course.

I cant get to my couch fast enough.

Its just part of this whole cancer thing. Sick, nauseas. tired, thick, yucky, sweaty, clammy, yeah...
just get to the couch.

Then I see this little blonde  at my door,  Lacey. she came with soup, cookies and fruit.
I tried to smile. chat a bit, I actually felt a little better as she read an article to me about Kara Goucher. I love being read to.
Lacey stayed for a bit and I slumped back into the couch.

The back door opened and Deb, Andys sister came in with hand and arms full. Taco salad, dessrt, and soup.
SO blessed.
It is hard to feel sick when you feel so much love.

anita

The Balancing Act

"Step with care and great tact and remember that life's a great balancing act." 

Dr. Suess, Oh the Places you Go!

"YOU are Brave!" says  a lady on the other side of the room. At first I didn't know why I was brave until she removed her hat and pointed to her head. I was brave because I didn't wear a hat or a wrap. Its really because everyone has made me feel so comfortable without one. 

"That's it, that there is the last of the "red stuff" comments Tammy. My nurseTammy
 injected me, pushing the last 3 vials of the red devil in my IV. I just stared at the last of the drug as it made its way through my tubing.

This is the needle that goes into my port through my skin. 

I MADE IT! I stayed out of the hospital! I didn't get any infections! I didn't have any abnormal side effects. 8 Weeks, 4 rounds and I DID IT! Hot diggity dog, Thank YOU JESUS for carrying me through this.

Austin's getting pretty good at 5 Crowns! 

Even in my current nauseas state I am teared with thankfulness. SO humbled to be blessed beyond measure in this Journey.

• No chemo for 2 weeks. 
• Chemo will continue WEEKLY for 12 more weeks.
• Taxol w/ carboplatinum every 3 weeks. 
• If all goes well, SEPTEMBER 18th will be my LAST Chemo!

Its just another marathon, I just made it  through a really hard part of this marathon. I finished my last AC, I will be pretty sick the next few days. Friday and Saturday are the worse, that is when the anti nausea meds wear off. I have continued to work, but do half days on chemo weeks. 

This Sunday I am going to Mackinac Island with my work, I am praying I can participate. It really is such a great time and nice getaway. 

Rundown:

I am a creature of habit, I like routine. I called Lacey to see if she would knock out a few miles before chemo. I had to get Lacey out the door earlier than normal, I had to meet Dr. Q at 8:40 am.
We were running and gabbing watching our time more than our miles.
4.5 miles.
This is my step down week.
I bring my miles down to let my body recover. Well and I am sicker than snot so running is more of an effort.
I have been averaging on CHEMO weeks about 24 miles. If I feel good enough I will run/walk a COUPLE miles on Thursday. Today, I invited my good pal Jeff for a walk. I am hoping the rain stays at bay and I feel good enough to get out. I get REAL stir crazy in the house for 2 days.

Lab Results: 

Dr. Q studying my lab results. 

Dr. Q never has you wait long. He is not my oncologist, but I have seen him twice and he is very kind. It has circulated around the office that I am going to RUN. (For me running is one of the ONLY times I don't feel this cancer. I feel free. A little piece of ANITA.)
"So, Hi Anita, How are you feeling?" I laughed " I feel great other than this big ole blister on my toe!"
He bent over to look at it, I was mortified at my ugly running feet that desperately need a pedicure but I am scared to catch something funky. "How long have you had that, Wow, that's from running?"
Still laughing, "yep, actually its from my shoes" I said with a smirk. I badly need new shoes but I feel guilty buying them right now.
That blister, the size of a grape got more attention than I was expecting. Andy was in the corner rolling his eyes at me. I was more mortified because I needed my polish done.
He looked at the blood work from Tuesday without much concern. Until Andy brought up my blood work from that LONG run 2 weeks ago. The BAD Blood work....
I am very transparent on my blog. I don't hide much. I know that post concerned a lot of people. I SO appreciate your notes, texts and messages.
Dr. Q looked back at them and he too raised his eyebrows.

Andy reminded him that the sole purpose was to do this extra screening to see how my running is mingling with all this cancer stuff. I never expected my labs from that to come back good. After all, I ran 14 miles within an hour of my blood draw.
After a painful conversation about my bad numbers and Andy tattling on me, Dr. Q decided to request ANOTHER blood draw to check on my Ferritin. A high Ferritin can present itself as a inflammatory marker and mine was over 1940-- normal range is 12.0-207.0 ng/mL. Now mine is going to be a bit higher than normal with chemo. But that number was a bit alarming.
This morning I got the results back from yesterdays blood draw...403.9! Back down, everyone breath, I'm good. It was that long run. The same long run I had been doing before they added the extra blood panal.
Which is why it is SOOO important to RECOVER properly. Eat, rest and listen to your body. You have to have balance and sometimes that means you need to be intentional.
AND all those prayers, good vibes and words of encouragement are so therapeutic to me.
I am soo blessed and so loved. I just love you all for caring for me and being there for me.
It has made this marathon that much easier.

YEAH! Round 4 completed. I started this journey at 101lbs. I am not up to 104.6! 

Team Harless

Collision: 

"When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. when you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; The flames will not consume you." Isaiah 43:2

A little devotion: (Thank you Erin A. for sending me this scriptures today, it was perfect.) My last Chemo I didn't take care of myself physically. I didn't hydrate or eat properly and it kicked me in the butt. My recovery was harder, my sadness was deeper, I was a bit more discouraged because I didn't BUILD my body up to prepare it for the storm.
Tuesday night is the addiction ministry I serve in. I shared that with them.
And I circled it back.
We are all going to go through storms in our life. Most of the time we are not going to see them coming. If we are not spiritually prepared we are going to struggle worse when the waves come crashing. Seek The LORD, strengthen yourself on his word. Drink from the living water.  Read, study, grow, pray. He will strengthen and prepare you when those storms come crashing.

Asking for prayers for my body to heal over the next couple days. That I can get through work ok. 
Thank you for all your love. 

ANITA~

When dealing with ME: Heads UP

This week has been an interesting week. It has been good, mostly. I have had a couple awkward encounters that have left me feeling out of sorts.
I decided to help a few people out that struggle with that uncomfortable Cancer encounter.

HEADS UP: 

"Spend your mental energy NOT worrying about your body image and redirect it to developing a stong mind. You will need this if you are going to be a force to be reckoned with!" Sarah Jamieson

I KNOW a Bald Head can be scary...I will try not to put you in tears like l did my nephew!

It is as awkward for you as it is for me. But PLEASE if you know me.....DO not AVOID me when you see me.
Please treat me like the SAME ole Goofy ANITA.
I will not introduce myself to you "Hi! I have cancer, you wanna see my new haircut?"
BUT listen, LOOK AT me. Please don't avert your eyes. I am already insecure of my appearance.
I need you to hug me.
I need you to approach me with courage.
I need you to engage with me.
I need you to know I do not have the plague, or the Ebola virus. You aren't going to catch my cancer but you are going to hurt my feelings when you know me but don't acknowledge me or run in the other direction.


Church Support:

A big Thank you to all the churches that have put me on their prayer requests.
Thank You Kris T. for adding me to your prayer list at church.
Thank You Mount Bethel for adding me to your prayer list.
Thank you Baptist Church of Hadley for your prayers and support.
Thank you Hillside Bible Church, Thank you to all of you that have reached out to me. I have received so much love. The cards and the prayers have meant so much. Pastor Cliff and Joanne have always been such a blessing to me.

RUNDOWN:
This week was a good week of running. I was able to get my miles up in a very conservative manner. I am so thankful for good running partners.
My running partners carry extra water for me, extra food for me and are so good at managing our runs to help me stay healthy.
I do not exert myself. It is actually a little embarrassing. They will make me walk when they hear me breathing! But we walk every mile, drinking, eating and running at a slower pace.
This week as I added up my miles I was quite surprised.
Weekly miles: 48miles
(That also includes my walking)
I also take naps or rest after every run letting my body recover!

"Anyone can work hard. The best have the discipline to recover." Lauren Fleshman

***************************************************
I want you to meet someone...

This is TAMMY. Tammy is  a client/friend of mine. If it wasn't for Tammys concern several weeks ago I am not sure where I would be today. 

I had shared with her that I had found a lump. Tammy does not skirt around things. She is real and authentic, "ANITA, you can NOT mess around with that...." 

Cancer has affected her family in a heavy way. Her passion and concern was enough to kick me in the arse. And despite what the mammogram results said I got a biopsy that would diagnose me with breast cancer. I am so thankful I did not wait another 6 months for another mammogram like they ordered. My triple negative breast cancer is a very aggressive and fast growing cancer. I am afraid I would have been in worse shape. 

Tammy was in this week. She brought me the cutest card. I LOVE cards. "One day at a Time.....Its ok to take it at your own Pace."  With a little snail on the cover. 

I love you Tammy. 

*****************************

"Our prayers unleash the powers of God in the life of another individual. " Dr. James Dobson

Please know my heart. I hope you know that I love people. I hope this post helps you if you struggle seeing someone you love with Cancer. 

I was very blessed with the honesty of a friend of mine, Charlie. He wrote me a letter and was very transparent with how he was coping with my cancer. This transparency means everything to someone dealing with cancer. 

Anita~

A Gift for you

So lets pretend a little bit. 

You wake up in the morning and as soon as your alert, you hear the doorbell ring. 

"Hmm" you think as you grab your robe and curiously walk to the door to peek on who's out there. 

Nobody. 

No one is outside. You open the door to investigate. Again not seeing anyone. However, to your surprise rests a beautiful packaged gift. 

Your heart skips a beat, because we all love surprises and gifts are so much fun. We feel childlike looking at the big bow and sparkly wrapping paper. 

We are eager to open it and discover its contents. 

The GIFT alone makes our heart dance. 

The GIFT alone makes us smile. 

Today, three miles from home I stood sweaty and tearful holding My GIFT.

I held the GIFT of "Today". 

I felt so humbled. Today was given to ME. What if today was designed for Anita. 

Anita's Day. 

"Today" showed up beautifully wrapped with my name on it. 

I cried on the side of N. Holly rd. I couldn't stop. 

I felt the warm sun kissing my bare skin.

The breeze gently wafting through the air. I could smell fresh cut grass and hear the birds chanting with each other. 

I felt my gift. I embraced all the elements overwhelmed with love and gratitude. 

And I ran. I smiled with tears streaming. I felt so complete. 

At that moment nothing mattered. 

Everything seemed so trivial. 

My failures, my heartaches, my God forsaken cancer, my concerns, nothing seemed as important as making the very most of my Gift. 

Cancer Can Take my Hair..But it won't take my JOY. 

I have even less hair. 35 days post 1st round of chemo.  I have to run with a bandana on my head. The chemo makes your skin very sensitive. They want me to be  covered with sunscreen. Your skin gets so HOT. After my run my face was very flushed and red. 

Cancer Confession. 

Monday, I ran long. Monday I had blood work. My blood work came back very bad. 

MY LABS:

Lactate Dehydrogenase

4/23: 224

5/14: 296

5/28: 343 

6/5: 432

6/10: 1,109

My lab results showed significant inflammation. possible infection.  My white count was 22,00, it was doubled. The PA was not too concerned unlike Andy.

I made a few mistake this past round of Chemo. Due to significant nauseas and fatigue I got lazy. I didn't eat and drink properly and this made my recovery more difficult. 

Today was a good day. I did take my miles down and only ran 7 miles as opposed to double digits. 

Pain is a good reminder. For me, I will be more intentional with my hydration and nutrition next round. Protein is very important for cellular healing and hydration really helps to flush that poison out of your body. NOTED for next time. 

"Mental will is a muscle that needs exercise, just like the muscles of the body." Lynn Jennings

Anita~
I love all those prayers, I think that is why my hair hasn't fallen out yet! I could have had that Pixie cut another 2 weeks! 

Say one thing Positive....

I remember saying to myself and even others, "I know that not every run is going to be good, that I am going to have good runs and bad runs and possibly no runs...."
Even though I know these things, it does not mean that it makes it any easier when you are riding the struggle bus and just want to run.
It is my fault. It is my fault I am not coming out of the treatment as well I have the last couple treatments.
Chemo was on Wednesday. Between Friday and Saturday I hardly ate and definitely didn't drink hardly ANYTHING.
Tina my high school girlfriend went out of her way and brought me a smoothie Friday up to my work. That was about all I could stomach, and no water.
Friday night we had our XC banquet and I had a plate piled high but most of it still rested on my plate.
My thoat hurt to swallow, and I was so nauseas.
Saturday Courtney that I work with bought me a Vernors, I struggled even with that.
I should have forced myself to drink more and flush that poison out of my system a little better. It came back to hurt me.

I was still incredibly nauseas this morning. I got all dressed up trying to overcompensate for my hair loss, nausea and the fact I didn't want to wear a head wrap. But the belly didn't care what I looked like.

I was able to eat a salad after church, and it was actually tasty.

I just wanted to run. The trails were green and pretty but I was still so stinking sick.
I took all the pills I could think of to make me feel better.
My stomach was bloated and gurgly but I laced up anyway thinking maybe running would help.

So here's the deal. It was a battle to finish from the first mile. I couldn't get my heart rate to come down. My heart felt like it was pounding out of my chest.
At mile 2, I was thinking I should turn around.
I was sweating like a stuck pig. Breathing? I was huffing and puffing.
And my poor tummy tooted the entire time, it was awful. (Keeping it real)
Every foot strike was like a blow to my belly. Even with the tooting my abdomen was still a mess! I thought for sure crop dusting for 6 miles would make me feel better, nope.

I guess I started to whine. I felt so discouraged. "I gotta walk..."  "Sorry, walking again.."
"Sorry, this is your slowest run ever..."
Finally Andy gently said, "Ok, say one thing Positive." I was like "WHAT" Andy's coaching me on being positive, well I have heard it all now. I was convicted.

"I get to run today." I whispered.
"Good Nita, that's says a lot."
Yes, today I reminded myself I get to run, or hike, or jog or however you want to describe my 6 mile trail adventure.
I took a second and smelled the wildflowers hidden in the woods.
Not every run is going to be a good run.
I have a pretty nasty cancer with a tough treatment plan and I was able to smell the aroma of trail flowers.
I was better to be sick and running then sick and on the couch.

Sometimes I get discouraged. I am not always smiling despite what you think. Being sick is very discouraging. It really messes with your head.
It was a adolescent reminder, "say one thing Positive."

This week when you hear yourself complaining and whining, no matter how much you might me justified, I challenge your to interrupt yourself and SAY ONE THING POSITIVE."

"Don't try to rush progress. Remember-a step forward, no matter how small is a step in the right direction."  Kara Goucher, World Championship Silver Medalist 

Round 3 Chemo.

Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength."

Chemo, Wednesday 10am
Clarkston MHP Radiation Oncology Institute 
9am w/Dr. Cotan my oncologist
Visitors, Andy, mom, and yesterday AUSTIN!

Round 3 or 4 of my dose dense A/C. (Adrimycin Cyclophosphamide
I was looking forward to seeing Dr. Cotan. I might have still been on an endorphin high after my rain run  with Lacey at 8am.

We just knocked out 3 miles, I am in a habit of running before my chemo now, mostly because I know I am not going to be do much running for the next 3 days.
Poor Dr. Cotan. I confessed my running. He averted his eyes, I am guessing because he just didn't know what to say. He did say my labs needed to be scheduled differently if I am doing long runs on Mondays,  he wants another blood draw. I thought Andy was going to seriously put duck tape on my mouth, I know what this "look" looks like, I get it often.
But I didn't care, "Yes, I ran 14 miles this past Monday.... and 40 miles last week..." Dr. Cotan was choosing his words. Andy was piercing me with his eyes, and I sat there proud as a peacock smiling.
Kind of grimace thinking "and you said I couldn't .."
After that debacle, and trust me it was, we changed subjects to my recent genetic results, BRCA1 mutation and how my treatment will changed.
Upon completion of my this treatment plan, 4 rounds of A/C every other week I will get a 1 week break.
From there, I will have 12 weeks of Taxol chemotherapy EVERY week. They will now be adding a Carboplatin drug every 3 weeks. unfortunately there are again side effects.

• nausea
• vomiting
• weakness
• hair loss
• pain
• ear infection
• numbness and tingling of extremities

Thankfully, it will only be every 3 weeks and thankfully I already know what most of those side effects feel like. 

Chemo went smooth, I did everything the same as my last round. I woke up with no head ache today. 

I enjoyed having Austin there to support me and be part of this journey. It took a lot of courage to come and see me. My XC team got me a very large gift card to Tim Hortons, I had them buy the office donuts. I tried to drink my coffee, it was a struggle. They did bring me a breakfast sandwich that was yummy. 

We played our card game again, 5 Crowns. If your ever in the area and want to stop by I hope you like cards. Austin quit after round 10!

This time they did the Neulasta in the Chemo room. 

Just applying the Neulasta doesn't hurt....

I was a bit embarrassed as I waited for the poke. "Amber" one of the nurses laughs and says "That is why I don't like roller coaster rides, it is the clicking." Yep, that little contraption BEEPS then POKES you! "OUCH" I squealed.

Beep, Beep, Beep......POKE!

Hair Loss.

A friend of mine and I are running a relay together, we were trying to figure out a team name. 

Some of the names shared 

• "TrailBLISSTERS"
• "Should've turned left"
• "Mid leg Crisis"
• "Sole sisters"
• "The Tortoise and the Hairless"
• "Lost in Pace"

To name a few! "The Tortoise and the Hairless" was just good comedy relief. My hair is still shadowing over my puney lil scalp. I am amazed at how small my skull is. It is the size of a Smurf. 

I have a friend that gained 20 lbs. during chemo, OH my Gosh, if I gain 20 lbs. and loose ALL my hair, I am going dressed up as  Willy Wonka's  Oompa Loompa's for Halloween! 

Yesterday, on the way home I ate again! We stopped at Jersey Mikes. I ordered a mini sub. It was gone before we got home!

I was going down fast. I can't lay down in my bed. It makes me depressed, I want to be in the family room, with the windows open. Just one of the weird quirks I have, 

Today, I crawled out of bed about 8:30. Andy has really put his apron on. Last night, he made a homemade glaze and grilled chicken thighs, I was craving mashed potatoes and corn, he made mashed potatoes, I think for the first time in his life. It was a great dinner, the thighs were AWESOME. Recipe Honey Sriracha grilled chicken thighs .

Today, scrambles eggs, (From Katies Farm) and a buttery English muffin, half. I ate it all with orange juice.  My belly is not friendly. 

But I am up, somewhat dressed, blogging and looking forward to my father in law and girlfriend Holly visiting me. 

All things thankful. 

Yesterday, way Ariels birthday. I envisioned her next to me. Playing cards, sharing a long story full of details and expression. I thought of this battle and how she would be so proud of me. She loved me soo much. I thought of fighting this God forsaken cancer in her honor yesterday. Yesterday, in my heart I dedicated my Chemo to Ariel, my lil fighter. 

Anita

Day 27, Post Chemo.

Well, I still have hair, its similar to an infant when they loose their baby hair. You can tell where I sleep, I have lost all the back and the sides, it is like a reverse old man hair loss, heavy on the crown bare on the bottom!
Expect for the patches missing, these are a result of me pulling it out to show those in denial that the hair wants to fall out its just still stuck in there.
Oh, and I discovered  I have a scar in the back of my head that I never knew about. Maybe my mom really did drop me, that would explain a lot!

I look like your local stray! 

This is 27 days POST round 1 of Chemo. 

I still have my hair! SORTA!

When we  went to Pentwater and the  sand dunes this past weekend I opted to go without a head wrap.
Go big and go bald.
I don't think many noticed too much, most of Silver Lake were 2 sheets to the wind.
I dressed rather bohemian in my baggy blue drop crotch pants and loose fitting shirt, sporting confidently my mangy bald head. Austin says "Mom, I used to think you were a hippy want-a-be, but the more I see you and you style I realize you are really a hippy mom."

Can you see my patches? 

I am not sure about all that, but I did feel pretty comfortable just being me. I got used to heads turning and smiled back to make the uncomfortable comfortable for everyone.

Always accessorize with a SMILE. 

I have cancer and I am going to continue to live life to the fullest even if I look like the local alley dog.  "My 'Look' isn't something people see everyday, take the chip off your shoulder and remember to be kind Anita". I reminded myself this in my brief moments of insecurity and it helped me so much to soften up. That lil trailer park girl likes to come out every so often and yell "HEY YOU whatcha looking at? I have cancer, what's your excuse?!"
A soft kind smile is so much better though!

Tomorrow is ROUND #3 for CHEMO!
I am mentally preparing myself.
I meet Dr. Cotan tomorrow and I am excited to confess to him how much I have been running, over 40 miles last week. By the grace of God.
I have a lot of questions for him.

1. What does surgery look like?
2. Can they do both surgeries at the same time?
3. Do they do the double mastectomy and reconstruction at the same time?
4. How long is the process for reconstruction going to take, especially if I want a D cup? (Baaa haa, just kidding, I don't want to step down from the presidency of the "Little Itty Bitty Titty Committee." ) 
5. How many Lymph nodes are they going to remove? My lymph node that was very large is already non existent to find. Praise Report. 

Andy says "So Anita, should we play the Rocky soundtrack to get you all pumped for tomorrows treatment?" 

So that wraps it up for tonight. Prayers for good blood work and a smooth treatment tomorrow are always appreciated. 

Thank YOU!

Anita~

My Recent Distraction: Results.

I had been waiting patiently for over 2 weeks for the results of my BRCA genetic testing.
BRCA1 (Breast cancer 1) are commonly used as tumor markers for breast and ovarian cancer.
This mutation is often inherited. My Dr, Pam Johnson several weeks ago had dictated that it appeared that I most likely had that mutation and she recommended that I have genetic testing to confirm.
I have a lot of cancer on my fathers side that represents this mutated gene. My sweet cousin Lila is currently undergoing treatment just a few weeks ahead of me for the EXACT breast cancer I have.

A positive result on a BRCA test doesn't necessarily mean a person will develop cancer, but remember I already have cancer that is indicative of this mutation.

Yesterday, we were heading out of town for a couple days to take my mind off the fact that I was supposed to be running Kettle Moraine 100k.
I needed the truck washed and cleaned so I headed into Grand Blanc after work. We couldn't leave until Austin got home about 2pm.
I had a bunch of calls to return, the first one on the list was Karmanos.
My heart was beating.
***

My brothers voice made me cry harder. "Bob, I have BRCA." I gulped surprising myself at how the news had set me back.
There was silence, "Well, what does that mean....."
I was so stoic when "Carmen" had shared the results with me. I honestly just wanted to get off the phone and process it. She went through all the recommendations again, and again shared what this mutation had the ability to do. I had already processed it weeks ago but I guess I hadn't, as I sat in my truck crying.
"Bobby it means I have a 40% percent chance at 45 years old of having ovarian cancer within 5 years of my breast cancer diagnosis. And a 30% chance of having breast cancer reoccurrence within 5 years. It means I have to have a double bilateral mastectomy and a ovarian hysterectomy."
Tears dripped down my cheeks, I wanted to just pull over. I wanted to sit next to my brother and have him just hold me like a big brother does.
He always tries to stay positive, stating the obvious, that is will all be over in a few months. "..Anita, it is just another fight you have to battle your way through..."
But that wasn't what was rattling me so bad "...but but Bob she told me something I had never heard before, she told me that it can present itself later down the road as pancreatic cancer and there is no screening for that...."
We both just cried.

I sit hear again with gentle tears. I am still processing it. It is the shadow of future cancer that daunts me.
I can see how people get so discouraged when they battle cancer multiple times.
I have NO complaints with the course of my treatment. I have gotten through it with flying colors, but they idea of possibly having to do it again, that is the shadow that lurks.

My "Recent Distraction" as  "Steve H." a friend of mine described this journey as a whole was a great description to my phone call.
"Karla" sent me this:

"Now may the Lord of peace Himself grant you His peace at all times and in every way that peace and spiritual well-being that comes to those who walk with Him, regardless of life’s circumstances. The Lord be with you all." 
2 THESSALONIANS 3:16 AMP

Peace. My journey is lead by the Lord. He gives me Peace. Peace in the process. 

"Anita, right now you have to sit down with your coach, "God", and have him help you through this next part of the race..." Bob gave me such wise insight reminding me the race I am running. 

"It's just another marathon" has become my mantra. 

Right now, I have hit an emotional stretch, a stretch that when I look out too far overwhelms me and down right scares me. This fear then encapsulates my entire future leaving me feeling hopeless when not managed. 

I have to sit down with God, ask Him for peace in this new distraction so I can continue to move forward in this marathon. 

That I can move forward with peace that I am NOT in control. 

That I can move forward with confidence that God is ultimately in control. 

That I can move forward focusing on the here and now.

That I can move forward accepting the things I can not change. 

God Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.

The courage to change the things I can

and the wisdom to know the difference. 

Thank you for your continue thoughts and prayers. It has been very supportive for me. I read all your words and try my best to respond to all the comments on my blog. 

Some of you may understand how news can be a small set back or distraction, I hope this helps you to put your faith in God. To take the time and sit with your "Coach" and have him move you forward. Trust in Him. 

One mile at a time. 

*Anita